C-PTSD is the only thing that makes sense ....

[Amadahy]

Hello,

In brief, I am the oldest daughter (scapegoat) of a BPD/N tendencies mother.  I believed for a number of years that I was responsible for her and never let her take the consequences of her (horrible) actions.  A few years ago, I began noticing her pattern of making enemies (always their fault), negative thinking, milking me for personal information, and other N traits, so I backed off from a formerly enmeshed place with her.  Now, she has beginning dementia and has crossed too many boundaries to count so I went NC five months ago.

However, those few years ago, I went from one day being very productive, creative, outgoing to being lethargic, stymied and hermit-like.  I just felt the weight of it all very suddenly and became almost incapacitated.  I have not recovered to my former state and may not -- perhaps the former state was a state of busy-ness to avoid dealing?  IDK.  Anyway, I am working in earnest to heal, especially now that I'm NC and able for the first time in my life to let mom deal w her consequences (even to the point of her homelessness).  I would appreciate your insights and opinions as to what has been especially helpful to you in your healing or healing-in-progress. 

Thank you in advance!  All best ~~

[Blueberry]

Welcome, Amadahy.    When I have more time in a day or two I will try and write what's been helpful for me.

[Wife#2]

Amadahy, if therapy is a possibility, I strongly recommend that. One of the hardest things to do, even after removing oneself from an enmeshed relationship and going NC, is to figure out who you are and to shut up that 'Mom' voice in your head. That's really difficult to do alone.

Another thing that can help is to develop relationships. Yeah, so easy for me to type. I struggle with it. I build relationships at work, but as soon as that person leaves the workplace (retires, finds another job, whatever), I lose all touch and don't know how to keep the relationship strong. Still, I keep trying to put myself out there, to alleviate that 'hermit' tendency - wow, that one really hit home for me.

The journal space allowed here is very helpful. Reducing the anger can loosen up the 'bound' feeling. Talking out loud (writing it down) can help to name the reasons for the anger, allow you to decide what to do about that action or that anger and then, if you're able at that time, to put the anger to bed. You deserve to feel it. The mother you had was NOT the mother you deserved. You deserved better. A true nurturer. Likely, with younger siblings, you are a pretty good nurturer yourself. Funny how that happens even when you had NO parental guidance! That's your true nature trying to emerge.

Post and read! If something strikes you as profound, embrace that. If something sparks a memory you want to explore, explore it. If you just need to be uplifted for a while, we'll be here and we'll encourage you. These are some of the best aspects of this website! It's a real community where you can be honest (within the rules - I found out LOL) and where people really understand ALL of what you're going through.

WELCOME!