My reintroduction

[shadow]

Hi.... I have been away from the site for a year now, its well past time I checked in. It has been a productive year.
so, a year ago I didn't think I was going to get through this. I had lost my Mother and Father then to top it off the only friend I had left went and died on me too. I was alone ( with grown up children who needed me to be the grown up with their problems), and in a bad place.

I had what they are calling a psychotic episode. To tell the truth it felt just like an incredibly bad emotional flashback to me.  However, what ever it was it served a purpose. It got me help I very much needed.

In my previous attempts the only help I had received from the doctors was anti depressants and a link on the internet which didn't work. I found out of the fog by accident. That led me to Out of the storm which led me to Pete Walker. amen.

Since the 'episode' I have had a psychiatrist and for awhile I had a psychiatric nurse. I have been promised a psychologist but here with the NHS I have to wait 2 years. My nurse fell pregnant and she hasn't been replaced. Its a shame because she has done the most to help me.

I can in spurts open my mail. You wouldn't believe what an achievement that still feels, And she has managed to change my habits for the better as in going to things I enjoy doing, I have made new friends. She borrowed my surviving to thriving and failed to return it..... I can only hope that's a positive thing.

I am on olanzapine for the episode due to be weaned off any time soon. This leaves me with a sense of panic. What if I go back to the symptoms I had before? These days I feel so calm, relaxed. I have only had a few minor flashbacks I haven't been dissociating.... I love 'how' I am. To make things worse, people are commenting that I'm so much nicer to talk to since I had the episode.....

My psychiatrist says its all me..... I wont notice the missing pill. I'm a bit more realistic than that. Its gonna take effort to maintain progress.......

[Candid]

Just over a year ago I too was taking olanzapine for a psychotic episode. I cold-turkeyed off it and don't recall any withdrawal problems, but we're all different.

I've been told eight months for trauma therapy, also with NHS. Bloody useless. I'm glad you've found things you enjoy doing, and some new friends.

To make things worse, people are commenting that I'm so much nicer to talk to since I had the episode.

I had that said, too, and it made me angry. I've been progressively shutting down since then and struggle even to talk to people now. This is better than when I was relatively happy? Screw that.

Sorry, I'm in a very dark space today. BTW, much of Pete's book is also on his website.  to you...

[shadow]

Hi Candid, I am so sorry to hear your in a dark place today, and I appreciate you sharing your experience. Its a ridiculous situation having to wait so long for real help isn't it?

I too find it difficult to talk to people, I want to be a full participant in conversation but I'm not there yet. I have to admit though the more you try the easier it gets.

I hope tomorrow brings an easier day. http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/Smileys/classic/hug.gif

[shadow]

sorry..... I cant work these smileys out!

[Candid]

Doesn't it work if you just click on the one you want?