Not sure what to do

Started by lostsoul, April 17, 2017, 08:28:25 PM

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lostsoul

I feel like I cannot work on myself or my issues because my husband needs my support to help him deal with his emotions right now.  Since my actions have contributed to his emotional distress (anxiety and depression), I have put myself and the work that I need to do in order to heal and move forward aside.  I know he would do the same for me.  However, it is causing  me to have more and more emotional flashbacks and I can't focus on getting out of them so I feel completely lost.  I don't know what to do.

Wife#2

I wish I knew how to help. Maybe one of the ladies or gents who are much smarter and better informed than me can help.

I have only one piece of wisdom: Keep breathing. Slowly and for two seconds longer outflow than inflow.

That fixes nothing, but it's supposed to help calm us down. Perhaps enough to become present in the present again, and find solutions that were there all along. Hopefully.

In the meantime -  :hug: to you! I hear you, even if I can't help.  :hug:

sanmagic7

dear lostsoul,

what a quandary you're in.  i know that i've had to be very selfish at times, even when my hub was suffering.   i found extra support here, a place to turn to, and he also had 12-step meetings he could attend when he needed to.

i think what i'm saying is that we all need our own places for support besides one person that we lean on over and over.  it's important, because i know i can't be there for my hub ALL the time, nor can he be there for me whenever i may want him to be.  whether it's a therapist, a support group, a friend - we all need more than one person who can be there for us.

hopefully, your H will find someone or some group where he can relate and feel safe enough to get some help when you're in this kind of emotional pickle.  there are several 12-step groups, like co-dependents anonymous, or al-anon that welcome anyone having problems because of relying on sig. others as their sole source of support.

best to you with this.  it's difficult, i know.  we all need more than one support to lean on at times when the other just isn't available.  we all deserve to have that break so that we can take care of ourselves when we need to.   i hope you find a solution that works for both of you.  take care of you as best you can.   big hug.