CPTSD Onset Question

[soulareclipse]

Hi All, I'm new here and this is my first post. I have a question regarding childhood vs adulthood onset CPTSD. How do you tell which one applies to you?

I was diagnosed with PTSD less than a year ago (at 35) during my first appt with my then-therapist. At that time, I had only covered more recent traumas with her (2 in the last 7 years). A few sessions later, I divulged to her non-familial sexual abuse (1 of 3) I endured at the age of 15. I didn't want to tell her everything all at once a) because I'm always trepidatious with strangers and wasn't sure she could be trusted and b) because I didn't want to overwhelm her or feel like I was coming across as having an over- sensitive victim mentality. Our session ended with her giving me homework in the form of making a list of all the people who had hurt me.

During our next session, I turned my homework in to her and she just sat back, aghast, looked at me and said she was so sorry for me. I could tell she was fighting back tears. With this, she suggested that I developed PTSD when I was much, much younger. The abuse actually happened as far back as I can remember, first from my addict mom in physical/emotional/psychological forms. I stopped going to see my therapist a few months ago because...well, for a few reasons: money, religious differences, and an unwillingness/inability on my part to do the required work.

I can't help but wonder if she would've ended up changing my diagnosis to CPTSD, or if she even knows there is such a thing. Regardless, something tells me CPTSD is more fitting for my situation/experience.

But how can I tell whether the onset was as a child or an adult? It seems kinda obvious here, I guess, but I think the abusive pattern started at such a young age for me, and continued into and throughout adulthood, that I honestly have never known anything different. So how do you know when CPTSD truly started? Is there a point of singularity as a child (childhood onset) or is it a culmination of abuse (varying forms and perps) over the course of years where one particular trauma brings all the past traumas rushing back, like "the straw that broke the camel's back" (adulthood onset)?

[sanmagic7]

hi, soulareclipse, and welcome,

i don't think there is any actual 'starting point' necessarily for when c-ptsd begins.  because of the abuse i suffered as an adult, i believed the actual c-ptsd started for me at that time (in my 20's).  prying this stuff apart, i'm not sure anymore, either. 

what i believed was that i had some regular childhood issues that encouraged me to make the choices i made as an adult, but i don't know now.  what i do know is that c-ptsd would/should be my diagnosis, i'm treating my issues as such, and, especially from being involved with this forum, i'm making progress.  it doesn't really matter to me anymore where/when it started - it's here and i'm dealing with it as best i can.

don't know if that truly answers your question, but we're glad you're here no matter when it began. 

[Candid]

During our next session, I turned my homework in to her and she just sat back, aghast, looked at me and said she was so sorry for me. I could tell she was fighting back tears. With this, she suggested that I developed PTSD when I was much, much younger.

She sounds like a great T, and I'm sure she would have changed your diagnosis to CPTSD if you'd told her about it.

I knew I had PTSD symptoms long before the requisite life-threatening experience (being raped at 19). I was pathologically shy, easily startled, stressed by loud conversation which seemed to echo around me, endlessly depressed, etc. I date those symptoms to age 12 when my FOO migrated and I lost my pets as well as all support systems such as friends, school and relatives.

I think the abusive pattern started at such a young age for me, and continued into and throughout adulthood, that I honestly have never known anything different.

Same here. My first memory is of mother slapping me and yelling at me.

Is there a point of singularity as a child (childhood onset) or is it a culmination of abuse (varying forms and perps) over the course of years where one particular trauma brings all the past traumas rushing back, like "the straw that broke the camel's back" (adulthood onset)?

C-PTSD is about repeated trauma in a situation the victim can't escape, such as being the child of an abusive parent or parents. It can also happen when the victim is an adult trapped in an abusive marriage, or in jail, or a long-term hostage.

Never having known anything different adds an extra sting, doesn't it? I'm glad you've found the forum and I know you'll find comfort and safety here.

[soulareclipse]

Thank you both for your insight and warm welcome!

@Candid, yes, it does add an extra sting for sure. It doesn't help with my feelings of worthlessness and unlovability. I can't tell you how many times I've felt that that my main purpose for even being alive is to serve as a receptacle for other people's sh!t. I'd love to believe otherwise, but my experience won't allow for that.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. It just makes me so angry that the responsibility for healing ourselves falls squarely on our shoulders when a) we're sorely ill-equipped what with our (C)PTSD and b) we never asked for any of this. Have we not been through enough already? That just pisses me off. That, coupled with the fact that I don't feel it (or I) would be worthwhile is what's stalling my healing the most.

But thank you again for your response. It does help a little to know I'm not alone.

[Autumn_Dryad]

Hi All, I'm new here and this is my first post. I have a question regarding childhood vs adulthood onset CPTSD. How do you tell which one applies to you?

...

But how can I tell whether the onset was as a child or an adult? It seems kinda obvious here, I guess, but I think the abusive pattern started at such a young age for me, and continued into and throughout adulthood, that I honestly have never known anything different. So how do you know when CPTSD truly started? Is there a point of singularity as a child (childhood onset) or is it a culmination of abuse (varying forms and perps) over the course of years where one particular trauma brings all the past traumas rushing back, like "the straw that broke the camel's back" (adulthood onset)?

Hello soulareclipse,
I'm not sure what the other members think about this, as I can only respond from my own experiences, insight and awareness.

Basically, the way I view the difference between whether child-onset or adult-onset C-PTSD is really that point when it all finally fell apart and became too much to cope with on a day-to-day basis in (mostly) non-threatening situations. I may be very wrong on this, so don't take this as gospel.

Whereas PTSD can be pinpointed to a single even with specific flashbacks, triggers, and clearly identifiable causes, CPTSD is so much more  complicated. Origins of CPTSD, I understand, often stem from multiple earlier traumas, commonly (not always) in childhood. Where a childhood was reasonably trauma free -despite any neglect or abandonment etc issues- and those multiple complicated traumas occur later in life, that's an easy one to pinpoint as Adult-onset. And similarity, if the majority of traumas occurred in childhood rather than adult life, then that's an easy one to see too.

Yet, CPTSD is rarely a cut-and-dry matter. Our whole lives have been shaped by incidents but it is how we deal, cope, and respond to them that makes some difference. As a kid, teenager, and young adult I was able to shake off my traumas with relatively little impact on my academic, social, or working life. Some really bad stuff had happened but my mind and body was still under my control and functioning great. Then, in my adult life I had a series of really toxic events occur that traumatised me deeper than they should have (in my mind at least). After that, and one last big trauma, my control was gone. My body, mind, subconscious, everything was so deeply damaged I can only compare it to a disability of the soul.

So for me, that point when the main, major trauma that did the most damage to finally need help is the one I personally consider the one to define as whether child- or adult-onset.

I'm not sure if it answered your question, but I hope it helps.

Cheers,
Autumn.

[Wife#2]

@Autumn_Dryad - That is a GREAT way to explain the differences, one of the best I've read - which puts you in pretty terrific company on this site!

@soulareclipse - don't be too concerned about not getting a cPTSD diagnosis. It's not part of the official handbook (I forgot the name of it) that therapists use for diagnoses in the latest edition.

As to when it officially became PTSD or cTPSD matters much less than the reality that we struggle to have normal lives because of these preceding events. Sometimes, it's just the accumulation of events that lead to poor decision-making (in significant others, in ways to numb the pain) which led to more vulnerability to further abuses.

This is my opinion only. I think of it like this.. a cluster of snowflakes begins rolling downhill. It's not very big at first. A stomp of a foot could stop it. But, it keeps rolling and getting bigger. Soon, it would knock down a person. At some point, it starts an avalanche. That little cluster, when it reaches the bottom of the hill, has become a disaster (and don't many of us feel like our life is a disaster zone?). At what point did the little cluster of snowflakes become CPTSD? Does it even matter anymore? We've still got to shovel our way OUT from under all that snow and get back to our 'real' lives. Or discover what our 'real' lives ARE!

HUGS to you for needing this website. HUGS to you for not giving up on learning more and finding this website. HUGS of a big welcome to you as you continue your journey towards healing, hopefully gaining insight from this website as have all the rest of us!

[Blueberry]

If you're traumatised as an adult, or even as a teenager, if there is earlier trauma in your life, that'll probably re-surface. So you might first of all get diagnosed as PTSD, but then the complex nature becomes apparent. I've always thought that the original trauma or maybe it would have to be the second trauma would determine whether you have childhood onset or adult onset.

You can learn to function more or less as a child, teenager, young adult, middle-aged adult but then at some point you collapse under the burden so to speak or there is one stressor too many and the house of cards comes tumbling down. But if a whole bunch of bad things - even just emotional/verbal/psychological - had happened in your childhood, that would mean 'childhood onset', I think. But I'm not a professional.

Here you can read and post on childhood onset or adult onset, or both, whereever you feel comfortable and understood.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi, I used to suffer low mood as a child and developed eating problems ... I had my 1 st breakdown when I was about 20 - couldn't function, lost my job and home and was suicidal ... throughout my life I've had several severe episodes
I got diagnosed by a psychiatrist with cptsd this yr ...
I can only summize if we suffer abuse as a kid then we develop cptsd
Wish u all the best on the next stage of your recovery.. there is a lot of hope and experience here and resources to aid getting well
Hug