troublesome clients - a bit of a rant

[Blueberry]

Today I've been thinking about the client I was posting about for most of this thread. For the prospective client it's not about payment on time yet but NTS dealings with her are bringing up similar feelings. Also NTS it wouldn't hurt to lose prospective client. I'm at my limit in terms of clients atm anyway.

[Blueberry]

I have next to no clients atm. But there is also probably a good reason for that: I need my time and energy for working on my emotional healing and in between bouts of that: drifting. e.g. by staying in bed or going back to bed. It's my safe place. ...

I'm starting to be way more accepting of myself in my 'drifting' moments. My T has already said that in these phases I'm allowing memories and realisations to come up which are in turn allowing healing to take place. So 'drifting' is really important, essential even.

I re-read this whole thread this evening. It shows me how much progress I've made. Just over 6 months ago I felt I had to turn the computer off and leave the room after setting a boundary via email. Of course I was acting on an irrational fear because there's nothing Troublesome Client could have done via email, and she couldn't even have reached me by phone. Irrational fears take over as an amygdala hijack or EF so they're real for us in that moment obviously.

What this thread also shows me is that setting this Troublesome C. limits is a precursor to setting FOO limits. Lingurine told me in this thread that Troublesome Client's behaviour was unacceptable. For a few days now in my head I've been saying to B2: "your and your wife's behaviour was unacceptable and it is not negotiable. I am not putting up with this. An apology is not enough. You have to change your attitude to me. Otherwise it's No Contact." While knowing that neither an apology nor an attitude change are at all likely. More likely just more gaslighting. Anyway I don't actually have to send any of this to him. It's likely to end up under Unsent Letters. But we're also likely to either remain exceedingly LC or go NC, continued or initiated by me.

Then maybe the universe will send me new much nicer family (FOC).

It's been good to re-read most of this thread. An adult student decided today to not renew her contract. That's acceptable, sort of, though rather sudden. What is however not acceptable is that she had a lesson 2 weeks ago and simply didn't come. It was off the end of her contract, she was going to pay in cash and I was going to discuss continuing her contract.  I had prepared her lesson and come back to my office specially. No show.

Now she's asking me to send her invoices. I countered with: she has to collect them. And if she wants me to go out of my way writing them in such a way as she might be able to use them for her taxes, she is going to have to pay for the lesson she cancelled at way too short notice. I'll see what she says. Her reason for not continuing the contract is financial, officially. I think her reasons are different however.

I quoted the bit I quoted from 2017 to show myself how much this is a process. That letting myself drift seems necessary and not something to condemn myself for, no matter how much I tend to do so. Last night I had more FOO dreams. We were all together and going into family therapy, arranged by them. I tried to find somewhere safe by myself. There was nowhere in the home or outside where I felt safe. I felt I had to go to the family therapy, otherwise I'd be blamed for not trying. It took me a while to think to myself "Wait a minute! I have a right to find out who this person is conducting the family therapy, is this person M and F's therapist?? Can I have a professional support person for me alone?" That was the most important part of the dream and it ended then.

Troublesome clients, troublesome FOO, troublesome landlord - all interconnected.