I deserve my pay - Part 1

[Snowdrop]

It sounds like you did brilliantly. Well done!

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
Yes, I agree, and I also think you're doing great.   
Hope 

[Kizzie]

   Way to go BB!

[Blueberry]

Thank you all!

I have yet to write and send the bill. That might be another hurdle which was part of my reason for writing on here right after I got home again yesterday. I feel as yet too brain-fogged to do it, but at least I have been getting on with other things which I think means that that's what I need for regrounding, but I haven't given up, which I often used to do after successes. Give up, spend hours on sofa, reading, dozing, crossword puzzles. Nope, not today. I have been taking it easy but doing mostly household stuff.

[Blueberry]

I still haven't written the bill. We worked on that in T today. This stuff goes very deep; deep down into the intellectual, emotional, verbal trauma. If/when I manage to, I'll write about it in my Journal.

[Blueberry]

This topic has become much, much easier for me 
Both last night and some day in June, I was able to write and email invoices for about 3 different clients and just send them off without batting an eyelid. There's not all this fear in my gut anymore

With one invoice yesterday I did have a little trouble and that was because the adult student has 3-4 lessons more than she did in earlier months. She has 90 minute lessons, so that really adds up. I did have a little bit of the "What?? You can't charge that much!! I must have miscalculated" moment. But I didn't miscalculate. It was then relatively easy to send the invoice, though I left the option open for the client to pay in 2 installments. Or in my own head the option to reduce the number of lessons. But she emailed back this morning that she's fine with it. 

Anyway, it's big progress and I want to remind myself that it hasn't come with slogging myself and haranguing and so on. No, it's come about in its own time due to other healing steps, though I don't know exactly which ones. Maybe even standing my ground versus both friends? I do know that taking steps like that leads to progress in other areas, but it's never clear to me in advance where the progress is going to come 

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
to the fact that this topic has become much easier for you -  for the progress and healing steps.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thank you Hope!   Seeing a new response - yours - reminded me I'd written this post earlier today and therefore that I had made this progress. So double thanks for responding.

[BeeKeeper]

Blueberry,

Adding my cheers and encouragement too! 

It was then relatively easy to send the invoice, though I left the option open for the client to pay in 2 installments.

[Blueberry]

Anyway, it's big progress and I want to remind myself that it hasn't come with slogging myself and haranguing and so on. No, it's come about in its own time due to other healing steps, though I don't know exactly which ones. Maybe even standing my ground versus both friends? I do know that taking steps like that leads to progress in other areas, but it's never clear to me in advance where the progress is going to come 

I'm having a lot of trouble sending an invoice for work I did 3 or 4 weeks ago. I did a good job too. But I'm having so much difficulty. The invoice is half-done and has been for over 2 weeks. I can't bear to look at it. It seems so much work. I don't know why. I don't want to feel into why, I just want to get it done. But then I don't take those steps I need to.

My own post from the summer reminds me that the progress I made whereby sending invoices became a lot easier didn't come through haranguing myself but because something changed, something clicked. Not that it really helps to know but I suppose some synapsis has become unclicked again.

I suppose also that I need to do EFT or Screen Processing or some other method(s) to get through the invoice. Not sending doesn't look professional but I need the money too, obviously. Neither of those thoughts are helpful though.

[Blueberry]

I think 5 pps will be up when I add this entry, so time to close this thread.

Writing invoices is really difficult rn, but I managed one this evening!
Fortunately I know that all my current clients will pay when I send the invoice. In fact one gave me an envelope of cash today and one always gives her daughter the money each lesson. But for me, I still need to write invoices otherwise I'm working illegally which I don't want to do.

[Kizzie]

We lock threads that are 5 pages in length (except journals), and start a Part 2. Link to Part 2 = https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=14859.msg123243#msg123243.