I deserve my pay - Part 1

[Blueberry]

I'm having trouble with this topic again today.

Maybe I'll take a little tiny walk to run an errand despite my hurt foot and hope I'm better able to deal when I come back. Three clients. One hasn't paid my bill and the other two are waiting for me to work out exact amounts. In one case retroactively, my bad.

[Rainydaze]

I hope it worked out OK, Blueberry. Reading back through the thread I'm very impressed by how you've been handling these situations and making your own money is just so admirable. Well done you. 

[Blueberry]

Thank you blues_cruise    It did work out too, all of it.

[Rainydaze]

Yay that's great.  Often things do work themselves out but at the time it can be really stressful and hard to believe!

[Blueberry]

Not only do I deserve my pay but I deserve adequate pay!! That means including the time writing invoices for clients!! That was very clear to me this morning that those "few minutes" to write the invoice, add new address, change the wording a bit to reflect this particular client's requirements, save and print out are my time and even mental effort. Not something I do in my spare time for fun. So after I'd done that with the client still waiting around, the €15 minimum charge I have and stipulated seemed rather small.

In my head there are these voices that say "Don't be so ridiculous. If you were faster, it wouldn't take so long....  Don't be so ridiculous, that's hardly any time. It's not worth even mentioning that short period of time." Wrong. ICr, you're wrong. It's MY time and clients have to pay for it. In order for them to do so, I have to bill correct, adequate time though. Often clients are quite happy to pay it too. If they're not, a bit of negotiation might be possible (though I find negotiation difficult), and if not, they can look for somebody else!

I deserve adequate pay for the time I spend completing my clients ' orders, including invoicing!

I've heard it before of course but this is the first time I can feel it. 

[Three Roses]

You DO deserve your pay! 

[Blueberry]

Not only do I deserve my pay but I deserve adequate pay!! That means including the time writing invoices for clients!! That was very clear to me this morning that those "few minutes" to write the invoice, add new address, change the wording a bit to reflect this particular client's requirements, save and print out are my time and even mental effort. Not something I do in my spare time for fun. So after I'd done that with the client still waiting around, the €15 minimum charge I have and stipulated seemed rather small.

Similar going on today except it's about one-on-one teaching instead of translating. The client is pussy-footing around and wasting my time. It blows my mind how she won't accept my contract more or less as is. Even though I've explained why it is. She appreciates the time I've already put into it, she says. The only "appreciation" that really counts this far along in the proceedings is: money and acceptance of my contract!

Customer/client is king and all that, but with my prices I just don't have that much leeway, not even time-wise to keep discussing with pussy-footing clients.  It's not as if I'm in some technical/engineering profession talking about thousands of euros! No, I'm talking 3 digits, which the client's company has agreed to pay. The woman herself isn't paying.

NTS: I want to learn to say: "These are my conditions and that is final" earlier in the game. It's just not worth all this hassle. This prospective client didn't want a 12 month contract (which can be cancelled - you can get out of my contracts under certain conditions! That's not always the case at all in this country, which I told the woman). She wants to learn the local language from scratch. I offered 6 months. She stipulated 10 lessons and then renew another 3 times. So I asked what the time-frame is for those 10 lessons adn explained why I want to know. No answer. I probably should write a Recovery Letter to get it out of my system. 

[Blueberry]

Even before I write my invoices, I often have trouble just seeing how 'expensive' my services are. ...the price took me totally by surprise. It was a shock! OMG! Am I charging that much?? That's a ton of money! I can't possibly ask for so much money.

This happened when I was calculating my price for present prospective client, and I even said it unfortunately Just because I was talking to her in English, native language, doesn't mean it's a relaxed non-business setting. Watch yourself there, Blueberry. My bad to myself. NTS.

[Sceal]

I think it is okay that you are realising how much you are charging, and I hope part of the realising is how much certain parts of those services cost you as well. Both financially, time-wise and emotionally.

[Blueberry]

The cost of my services time-wise and emotionally - that's really good to note! Thanks for reminding me, Sceal.

It's not very good to say it out loud in front of clients, that's all. Live and learn.

[Sceal]

Maybe not all, but some clients it's alright. Because then you both get an understanding that this is actually what it costs, nothing less will do.

[Blueberry]

Even before I write my invoices, I often have trouble just seeing how 'expensive' my services are. ...the price took me totally by surprise. It was a shock! OMG! Am I charging that much?? That's a ton of money! I can't possibly ask for so much money.

This again today when I see what 10 separate translations as part of one order would cost if I billed absolutely everything, or even when I reduce price because there are some text chunks which re-appear word-for-word in other documents, it still looks pretty steep! And I am actually offering a discount on documents because of these repetitive text chunks. But still I look and say to myself "OMG you can't charge that much!" Even though the client said "Go ahead, charge whatever it costs".

Part of my saying to myself "You can't charge that much!" stems from the length of time it took me to do the work. But... it takes the time it takes, including time for me to go back to bed for the day and do nothing. Once I did a couple of days of that, then I was able to get going again.

So now I realise when I undersell myself and my work 'because of the time it took' I'm going back to my age-old behaviour of punishing myself for achieving something

[Blueberry]

The client was more than happy to pay what it cost She said "absolutely not" to my suggestion of me going down a bit in price. This feels good. I'm smiling as I write it and sitting up straight. That's part of my homework from therapy - observe my posture, facial expression, physical feeling and emotional feeling when something is going well, as opposed to observing that all when I'm in an EF.

I haven't been doing my homework much at all, but my T would just say that I'll start when the time is right. He's correct on that. I just started spontaneously without "should", "ought to" etc. 

[Not Alone]

The client was more than happy to pay what it cost She said "absolutely not" to my suggestion of me going down a bit in price. This feels good. I'm smiling as I write it and sitting up straight.

 

I just started spontaneously without "should", "ought to" etc. 

[truus]

I can definitely relate to this.

Even though I have two degrees, three internships, and two certifications, the last time I got a raise I felt like I didn't deserve it, it was too much and soon they would figure out that I wasn't worth it. I went through a whole period where I was struggling with imposter syndrome at work. Every time I would get promoted, I would feel like I had to work that much harder to prove that I was worth the promotion. But it's silly because they didn't promote me based solely on what they thought I would do in the future, they promoted me based on what I had done in the past and how I had proven to be worthy.

I had the same problem in school. Whenever I would finish a year of school, even if I got straight As, I would think to myself, this is temporary, this year was just unusually easy and next year the real work begins. It will be twice as hard, three times as hard, four times as hard and you will fail. I convinced myself that the level of difficulty in life just always, constantly increases and eventually I would reach my maximum ability.

Well, it's been almost 15 years since I entered the professional world, and my predictions/self-sabotage haven't come true. I think for me, it had a lot to do with my fears of what other people are thinking and that I can't trust them. I felt that people only said nice things and promoted me because they were nice, and it wasn't a reflection of my abilities. I didn't trust them to be honest with me about whether or not I was a good performer. If I got a good performance review, I thought it was because the manager just didn't have the guts to give me real, candid feedback.

But after going to support group for awhile and getting therapy, my eyes started to open to the things I was saying to myself, the voices in my head. I started to notice more that I was actually capable, and sometimes more capable than those around me, and that's why I got promoted or got raises. I'm still afraid of failing, afraid that it's all a house of cards and I'll knock it down somehow. But at least, like 60% of the time, I can suppress those voices.