Hello

[Nightdominia]

Not sure what to say, but I guess I'm to this point. The more I see the difference in this and standard PTSD, it fits more than that does. After a few years of therapy and braving EMDR, it seems no one has to even drop a hat for me to just start crying during a normal conversation. I'm just at a loss. 

[Candid]

Not any more! You've found our fab forum, where you can ask questions, have a moan, make virtual friends and above all, feel safe. Welcome to OOTS! 

[sanmagic7]

a very warm welcome, nightdominia, you've just made another step to wellness.

i've been through that crying phase, and it's a doozy all right.  the more i kept moving forward, kept in touch with the wonderful people here, and let the poison out, the less and less tears.  i suspect they are tears of release, carrying toxins away, signs of grieving, and tears of healing. 

share what you will when you feel up to it.  i found acceptance and support here like i've found nowhere else.  very happy you're here.

[Blueberry]

Welcome here!   Just read around and you'll find people on here who act like you. I'm more prone to anger and dissociation at the drop of a hat. Though no longer as extreme as I used to be. Partial healing, at least, is possible.

I've made a lot of progress since joining this forum. You can make progress here too, I think most of us do, and then you won't feel at such a loss. Hope to see you around.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome Dominia     If you were being treated for PTSD rather than Complex PTSD that may be the reason you don't feel you have made as much progress as you would like.  Unfortunately many people are treated for (simple) PTSD, then come to realize they have Complex PTSD.  It is possible that your T is not knowledgeable and trained in using EMDR for Complex PTSD and it can make a real difference.  Those of us with Complex PTSD have layers of interpersonal trauma (e.g., ongoing childhood abuse by a significant adult in our lives), whereas those with PTSD deal mainly with impersonal and single or short term trauma (e.g., car accident). So, in EMDR for the latter you are tapping into a  smaller reservoir of trauma and typically a functioning sense of self, whereas in the former there is an accumulation of trauma and a wounded sense of self. 

I don't know if this is the case with you, but it was for me. I experienced major panic attacks (EFs) after two EMDR treatments and had to stop. The T did not have experience with CPTSD.  So, perhaps you might check with your T that they are using EMDR for CPTSD versus PTSD.  There is also some information about therapy here that you might want to take a look at -  http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=106.0 and some forms and info sheets here - http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/.

I hope that you will not feel quite so lost as you find out more about CPTSD and post about your experiences