[JamesG]

Hi,
anyone in London with ideas or links to localised help? I just moved here and my first stab at a counsellor was a missfire, I knew far more about C-PTSD than he did and the vibe was that he wasn't even that convinced by it. I am, so that didn't last. I'm looking for any back up support I can get in London including meeting up with people with the same situation. Mine comes from a very long term narcissistic relationship with my brother, aggravated by his control over my mother. This flared up horribly as we came up to her death and collided with an alcoholic partner. My symptoms were far more than just stress and are raging on post event. The situation has left me single and starting again aged 54 and I am going to have to face this one down largely alone. Spartan life coach has quite literally been a lifesaver. But I will need more than that and I am not going near anti-depressants again having had a very rough time on prozac. The thing with C-PTSD is the sheer mental fatigue, it just will not let up and it is very very hard to get any steam up before the next trigger sends you flying. The current killer for me is early waking which is starting to wear me thin. However, my abuser is now getting his just deserves and I'm making new connections which are making a big difference, I had far too many cold and selfish people in my life before and I am making it a policy not to have anymore. So, London and help. Any ideas?

[Candid]

I'm not in London but I'm in SE England. My GP referred me for trauma therapy and I'm on a very long waiting list for NHS help.
Another Englishwoman on the forum went through the same procedure and her NHS therapist acknowledges PTSD but not CPTSD, as well as telling her not to go on forums.

Seeing as I've been told there's an eight-month wait time, my go-to is this forum. People do get it here, and the validation feels wonderful. We also learn that we can help other members by validating their experiences. That's powerful, when we've felt so alone and helpless with our 'stuff'. You probably can't beat it for back-up support.

I'm over 60 and didn't identify as family scapegoat until five years ago, so don't feel too overwhelmed by the duration of your suffering. I'm glad you're finding the spartan life coach helpful, but please do stick with the forum where you'll get personal validation.

Agree with you about anti-Ds; I'm weaning off my latest one now. I really don't believe any pill can make my life look okay. It was not okay, and I still suffer from the effects of FOO abuse, including mental fatigue. What we have is the current name for combat fatigue, right?

When you're triggered, tell us about it here. We'll be ready with sympathy and virtual hugs. And oh... I have sleep issues too. It comes with the territory and makes the generalised fatigue that much harder to bear.

my abuser is now getting his just deserves and I'm making new connections which are making a big difference,

This is great to hear! You'll get through this, James, and we'll comfort or applaud you every step of the way.

[Slim]

Hi JamesG. Although there are some professionals who understand the concept of cPTSD, the majority do not understand it. As a Londoner, unfortunately, I speak from experience.
If I were in a situation where i knew more than the therapist, I might weigh up my options: if I like working with them, I would hope that they learn about cPTSD; if I don't get on well with them, I would move on.
The NHS in London will provide 6 sessions of IAPT via the GP. These practitioners are not experienced enough to work with you.
Secondary services will offer a psych assessment, then referral to a psychologist, and if you are very lucky, it will be more than CBT approach.
If you can pay...then try the BACP website. Personally, I like Existential therapists rather than CBT, psychodynamic, or counsellors.
Hope that helps
S

[JamesG]

thanks for that. It's a very tricky path to be sure. I'm just coming out of a very hard few days with multiple triggers and its been pretty tough. Some of it was very deliberatly taken on tho, as I needed to talk to my brother's ex wife to confirm how our stories matched on certain events and put a few things to bed. That has dug up a few ghosts but worth it because the history was all wrong before and I needed clarity on what I know I experienced. I have also been weathering the separation from a GF in the states whom I was logistically unable to get to and my PTSD symptoms gleefully ruined what should have been an important time. There was no choice but to switch back to a friendship but that has given me some very complex feelings of failure, being damaged and abandonment. My family pushed me out to accommodate my cuckoo sibling, so you can guess how that feeds into these momemts. I'm also staying with friends while I wait for my flat to be ready. They are great but they happen to do a few things that have big triggers for me, not least leaving radio 4 on all day. This was exactly what my alcoholic ex did when she was out cold and working from home, I used to cry with frustration at that. I was working two days ago and blam, I was right back there. I rushed out to a pub and tried to drink it to standstill but it has now been 3 days and I'm exhausted. I've also had my old friends finally coming in to help but its a mixed blessing as I'm now finding myself repeating the whole ghastly story in a loop and its digging it up. Telling people is tough because there are often disconnects with those who think emotions are optional. Mine most definitly are not. If I could kick this aside and start living then I would. I'm just very very weary of it. There is a song by Magazine, my all time fave band - there is a song called 'song from under the floorboards' and it goes.. 'then I got tired of counting all my blessings.... then I just got tired.' that's very much where I am, I have notebooks everywhere that I have filled with lists of positives and things to drive me forward, but the notebooks in my head are crammed with a deep sadness and hurt at the behaviour of people that were supposed to be my nearest and dearest and who either let me down very badly or activly sort to abuse. Defeating that narative is very hard work.

[Slim]

Hi JamesG
Like you , I have been to that dark place. For me, it is a flashback in part, to a childhood memory, where there was utter betrayal and abandonment. A part of me died.
And the voices are also flashbacks and memories of the past
Maybe try to listen to The Light pours out of me. It's what Howard Devoto would do......
"Time flies, and Time crawls"

[JamesG]

Waiting on a new counsellor. More confidence in this one.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi James, I'm the other lady from S.E. England that candid mentioned to you, I have been luckier in my NHS process compared to her as my waiting lists haven't been too long and after being assessed by many people and having cbt I'm due to be seen by a Trauma Psychotherapist who is also going to do EMDR with me which I don't have to pay for. Because Cptsd isn't confirmed on the DSM my therapy team won't even consider it, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, but I myself know that it is CPTSD.  My whole process started with a visit to my GP who got me counselling through the surgery, normally it's only 6 weeks but they allowed me 8 due to my condition at the time. The ball has kept rolling from there and I have been very lucky as I know of people in uk on this site who are waiting a very long time. This site has been my life line even though my therapist tells me I must not use them as they would be of no help to me! Hope you manage to find someone to help you.

[JamesG]

hi Eyessoblue

I'm going to pay for the sessions and be dammed. I'm not going to put up with this. I'm on a waiting list for one that does EMDR so we shall see. I've just got so much to digest and it's going to have to be done pretty much alone. I'm just very angry right now, I got caught very badly by the way things played out and its going to take some real guts on my part not to cave in and to fight back. But I will.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi James, I wish you all the best. I've just had my second trauma therapy session today with a specialist trauma psychotherapist and it went well. She explained the whole EMDR thing in great detail which I now feel quite happy about in doing. She seems very normal and understanding which is what I need can't be doing with anyone I'm not comfortable with. Please let me know how you get on.

[JamesG]

and best of luck to you. Come on, let's kick this thing over and start living.

[Eyessoblue]

Yes let's! That's my attitude at the moment too, but got a narcissistic husband in the way too so need to sort that out too which adds to the complications!

[JamesG]

put car into gear, foot on pedal....

[Eyessoblue]

And go! If only I had the confidence to! Just been living a life of having every ounce of confidence knocked out of me and made to feel I'm not capable of doing anything for myself, I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that actually he's the one with the problem and not me and trying to find an easy way out avoiding all the grief that will come my way.

[JamesG]

understanding it is half the battle to regaining confidence. it does'nt go, it hides.

I walked out on an alcoholic and dropped what was left of my family and yes, the pain and grief flares, but it will subside and you'll be better off.

It's your life eyessofblue

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you James you fill me with hope! That must have been hard, but good for you, you did it!