emotions spilling out

[texannurse]

Hello all! the more time I spend in recovery (currently in recovery for CPTSD, self harm and addictive behaviors) the more I seem irritable and angered so easily. It seems like it is getting worse instead of better. My T tells me I have much grieving to do - for what did and did not happen in my childhood. How do you even grieve something so long ago? I can barely deal with what I face today, much less open that old can of worms. Could all this anger be the starting? It's not directed at the past or my family, but current situations are triggering me really bad. I feel like I have a meltdown every day and I don't know how to process it - but I'm really good at shoving it all inside or turning it on myself.

Someone please tell me it gets better!

Loree

[Blueberry]

It does actually get better. It gets less frequent, less long, the dips downward aren't so deep. 

[Candid]

I can barely deal with what I face today, much less open that old can of worms. Could all this anger be the starting? It's not directed at the past or my family, but current situations are triggering me really bad.

Steel yourself and get out your can-opener, texannurse! Current triggers suggest those worms are not too securely locked off anyway.

As Blueberry says, it gets better... but not by blocking it off and denying. Stay with the forum and it'll come out bit by manageable bit, with lots of validation and virtual hugs along the way.