Recovering from InLaw Weekend

[yellowgirl]

Hi all.  I just made it through a weekend with my inlaws in town.  They stayed at a hotel, but we were with them Friday night and all day Saturday and Sunday.  I feel like it went terribly, but my husband said it went well and he feels better about his parents.  My father inlaw is a former Marine Colonel and my mother inlaw was a stay-at-home mom.  They're both fairly narcissistic, conservative, judgmental, close minded.  My husband is a different person around them, complete with different manner of speaking.  I guess some of my struggle comes form the abandonment of who I know as him.  They also even call him Robert instead of the Rob I've always known.  I know my MIL still views him as "her boy", which irritates me.  The reason I feel it went bad is because I acted out.  I picked on my husband, was generally disagreeable in conversation with the inlaws.  Towards the end of the visit I got more quiet and shut down, which is common for me.  I feel like I always get shut down/snappy at the end of visits.  Its partly the introvert hangover.  I just have this aversion to parents/authority in general too, especially where we have nothing in common and I would never choose to spend time with those people if not obligated.  I honestly don't really like my inlaws as people.  My MIL talks negatively of other people quite often and also says strange, judgmental things about even her friends.  Like she said one of her friends married a woman who was "dark".  Feels racist to me.  I'm fairly sure I rolled my eyes.  Her talking about other people just makes me feel like she talks about me to others negatively, and that brings out my rebelliousness so I lean towards being disagreeable.  When I feel I am in a no-win situation I act out.  I'm feeling hungover still from all of this and they've been gone for two days.  My inner critic has been wild.  I probably should have taken Monday off work to sleep it off, luckily tomorrow I work from home so can avoid much social interaction and re-coup.  I keep feeling like my husband is going to snap at me for something from the weekend but he seems like it went well.  Its confusing that I can feel so bad and he feels good.

[sanmagic7]

different perspectives, yellowgirl.  his perspective is that he was with the people who raised him gave him his values, and expected a certain response from him - their version of love.  your perspective as an outsider, well, waaaay different.  you can see through what your hub is blinded by. 

sorry you had such a tough time.  they don't sound like people i'd like to spend a lot of time around, either.  is there any way that you can make yourself scarcer next time they visit?  have a project, meeting, be busy somehow to cut some of that time in their presence out?   

i'm not surprised it's taking you a few days to recover.  i hope you can find a way for their next visit to not include you so much.  can you talk to your husband about your feelings?  i've seen people change, too, when in the presence of someone else.  it's weird to see it, but very obvious to me, while, when i brought it up, they didn't have a clue.  best to you with this.  big hug.