Dissociation with immediate amnesia?

[Dutch Uncle]

Yes, it is grounding to say, oh yeah, you just said that, something to that nature.

Only if you DO remember them saying that. Otherwise you'd be fooling yourself, which is not a good thing.
It might be different if you do this when it happens with a stranger and don't want to embarrass yourself. But if if happens when you speak with a good friend or co-worker or so, it might be better to say: "oops, I didn't realize it." Perhaps even followed by "This happens more of the times lately." And even "That worries me a bit/lot actually". But that obviously depends on the level of trust you have in the 'partner' at that moment. It is a bit embarrassing, I can fully relate to that. But what is happening to you is happening to a lot of people. You're not a freak. 

I'd almost say: don't gaslight yourself. It won't help you.



PS: about the toys? I don't know what happened, and I'll never find out anyway. But perhaps I had upset things so much with my accusations to the boy, that when his mom found the bag she was afraid this might only strengthen my resolve in the theft-theory, that she and my mom decided to secretly hang the bag back in my room and play 'schtum'.
For one that seems the most innocent and well intended explanation, so I have always stuck with that (when I had eventually invented the above narrative)

[Indigochild]

Hi Arpy1

erm, stress, break up with partner brought this on.
My T said i forget where i put things because of stress.
Stress makes us disassociate right? She told me i disassociate.
Im wondering if it is normal to forget where you put stuff, what people just said, what you were talking about, if you are stressed, or is this more dissociative?

Im not upset that I disassociate and dont beat myself up, maybe when in public and I'm forgetful. Thanks for that.
Only mad when i think i was forced to disassociate, and when I'm trying to express emotion to myself, I cant sometimes or i can only go as for as i can go before I disassociate.

Thank you sooo much for the support Arpy1 and for your lovely words.

[arpy1]

  to u too,Indigo.

[Indigochild]

Hi Stillhere
and thanks for your reply

It is a defence mechanism, so it makes sense that some wouldnt want to rid themselves of it.
Maybe there is a way this can be used in a more healthy way.

Im not sure ive had the experience of not knowing what ive done for the past few hours, but i really have to rack my brains sometimes to think of what i did that morning / afternoon, or the day before. Maybe i do loose time, which is funny because, during the time that i will later loose, i feel i am present, unless I'm obviously disassociated and i can tell i.e. derealisation / depersonalisation.

I am sorry you feel disorganised after projects and trying to be organised. Its frustrating.

I hope you are doing better.
This sort of thing happens sporadically, often when I'm especially stressed or threatened, as I have been lately.


I agree about the not realising you need grounding therefore noting will work
I dont want to be grounded when stressed, but when feeling fine but am derealised , i want to be present as it feels I am only observing the world from behind glass when i strangely for me want to be participating.

[Indigochild]

Hi Dutch Unkle

Yes I agree with you on that actually"
Only if you DO remember them saying that.
I do often remember, but when people talk about past events, and I'm honest and say i dont remember, or i dont remember the conversation i was part of, I dont want to go into the whole-
well i disassociate so i forget -
soemtimes i wish i could tell those i interact with more of often than others, but i wouldnt want everyone to know.
Do you ever feel that way Dutch Unkle?
How do u tell them if you do? how do u explain?

Do you think we have always forgotten as we have always disasociated?
Im realising now that my memory is patchy and somethings completely wiped that people talk about that i was part of.
Do u think it increases over time, this forgetfulness (disaosciation)?

Haha, thanks. 
I'd almost say: don't gaslight yourself. It won't help you.



PS: about the toys? I don't know what happened, and I'll never find out anyway. But perhaps I had upset things so much with my accusations to the boy, that when his mom found the bag she was afraid this might only strengthen my resolve in the theft-theory, that she and my mom decided to secretly hang the bag back in my room and play 'schtum'.
God, your mum if this is true, should have been honest with you.

[Dutch Uncle]

I dont want to go into the whole - well i disassociate so i forget -
sometimes i wish i could tell those i interact with more of often than others, but i wouldnt want everyone to know.
Do you ever feel that way Dutch Unkle?
How do u tell them if you do? how do u explain?

I hadn't really thought before this (=probably having cPTSD) that I might be dissociating.
So far I've always attributed it to just being absent-minded.
Which is probably why I was able to just say "Sorry. I wasn't here for a moment. What did you just say?"
Though I guess in less familiar company, or on accessions where it would be really embarrassing 'not being there' (a business meeting, an important social event with colleagues or so) I probably improvised some act.
So yes, I do know the routine of 'trying to wiggle my way out' by trying to get some sort of elegant escape that won't expose my dissociation. If that works or not I'm not sure, but I think I've become quite good at it. I don't get called out on it much, so... ?
With good and trusted friends it's OK, and no further explanation is necessary.
In the off chance I'm honest and open to strangers, I've experienced that no explanation is required either. Everybody has their moments when they are just with their minds elsewhere. They might be with a difficult problem at work or home while we simply draw a blank, but they don't know that  . So unless I keep 'drifting off' all is well.
Sometimes I just leave and say "I'm really tired, I'm going to go home." Which usually is fine as well. And true  . We're adults, and most people treat each other as such.

I probably should look a bit more into 'dissociation'. While I typed this (this is actually my second draft), I suddenly had a memory of something that is possibly much more a dissociation:
I was talking with a dear and old time buddy, and he said things that made me confused: He said things that I had only dared to think about my female sibling, and I was really puzzled if he was now repeating something I had (possibly) told him, without me remembering doing so. That would be strange, since he was clearly passing it off as his own thoughts on the matter, he was trying to help/aid me. Giving me his perspective on things.
Now, I'm sure he would not 'pass something of as his', so this all really made my head spin, and I had really a lot of difficulty with 'staying there'...
Hmmm...
Actually, I mentioned this at my SCID-II test, and it has been catalogued as (*goes to drawer to get the rapport out*):"Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms" (BPD diagnostic) (that was only 1 of 2 I scored (out of a possible 9), so no BPD. Pfew.) I thought they meant it was a paranoid thought, but perhaps they chalked it up because they viewed it as dissociation?
Hmmm...

I'm sorry to have gone of a bit of a tangent there. But lest I would forget, I'll leave it.
In the last example I gave, I certainly did not tell my dear friend! (It was the time I went to visit him to confess my alcoholism. One scary confession at the time please  . I'm not Invulnerable Superman, LOL. )

[stillhere]

D/U, a thought:  you might ask your dear old friend about he said.  Was he repeating something you'd said?  Was he drawing his own conclusions?  How did he know?

I've had a few experiences like this, with a very few people I know well and trust greatly.  They sometimes say things I've not dared to think to myself, let alone say out loud.  The best of friends can sometimes become a separate but highly helpful set of perceptions.

If by chance your friend is one of those, then chances are also that you've not been dissociating. 

What I've read about dissociation links the process to the "flight" response.  Sometimes, people flee, literally.  A dissociating person might get a car and drive away with no apparent destination.  But "losing" oneself or part of oneself can come from immersion in something distracting or from extensive "spacing out" without a distraction.

I think lots of people space out occasionally.  The question I've had is what "counts" as dissociation.

[tired]

stillhere: makes me wonder if I do that as part of my add/hypervigilance or something like that. 

[stillhere]

Hi, Tired.  I think perhaps I do -- that is, I dissociate somewhat at times I've also been hypervigilant.  The responses come from the same need, I think.