I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship

[ElizabethGenevieve]

I'm not sure which thread to post this in so I hope this is alright. I've always closed myself off to the idea of dating or getting married. Partly because as a child my dad was super over protective and always got really depressed and pouty when he talked about the possibility of his daughters getting married someday... so I felt like I would be a bad daughter if I hurt "daddy" by leaving him. I've only recently realized how screwed up that is. Part of the issue goes beyond my F though, I'm also terrified of being intimate (sexually, but also emotionally) with men. Like it scares the crap out of me. Not to be weird, but even though I have a pretty strong sex drive I don't think I could ever do it for real. Which is stupid because I'm 20 years old, but it's the truth. I've had 2 guys be interested in me over the last couple of months and I turned them both down. I just don't want to deal with the drama of a relationship and I'm sure no guy could really be caring or supportive enough to be worth pushing through my fears to give it a try. I'm wondering if that's normal for abuse victims? Or what your thoughts are on why it's such an issue for me? Sometimes I get really lonely and think it might be great to have a guy to love and care for me because no one ever has but then my subconscious is like, "nah, no guys like that exist and you're fine on your own anyways. It's not worth it, you'd regret it."

[Blackbird]

I get that too. I always ended up in abusive relationships in the past, like to make my father pay for his mistakes by proxy. It is screwed up (but I guess that's what's therapy is there for).

After 4 years of being single, I'm finally ready to start again, but this time I will take it slow and only be with someone who treats me right as a friend first, not as a piece of meat. Well, I've been down this road before, and it ended badly too, but what other road is there? I can recognize the red flags now.

The thing is, at 20 you have no pressure to get married right away. Damn, I'm 30 and I don't have pressure. You do your thing at your own rhythm, don't listen to society or anyone else.

Hopefully you'll be able to disengage of that idea that your father is the man in your life, to be able to be close to the man in your life, whoever that might be.