The roommate from *** Trigger warnings, poverty, threats of violence ***

  • 5 Replies
  • 584 Views
*

Wife#2

  • Member
  • 1025
  • Helping another helps me, too
    • View Profile
That year I wish I could forget is thumping in my memory again.

I was being kicked out of the apartment shared by a woman I thought was my friend, and her husband. I still don't know what the problem was. She knew I supported their marriage completely. Yes, I still didn't have my own car, but *, she knew where I worked and why I was always broke. I still paid my share of the rent (half because she and hubby shared a room). Anyway, she'd had enough and it was time for me to leave. Like then. As in, get your measly belongings and leave!

Yea, so in retrospect, she may have had a PD thing going on, but I don't know.

I didn't know anybody in town yet, all my friends were shared with her or with her husband. He generously offered to call his friends and see if anyone could take me in. His friend (who shared the same first name) said sure!

This was a problem. The guy had major issues. I don't know what they all were, but they were legion, for certain. He'd recently lost his job and needed the rent help. His father was cutting him off and his girlfriend never did work, so she couldn't help anymore. Her father cut off just enough that she couldn't help this guy. I knew all this going in. I knew he drank and liked his drugs. I figured, I smoke cigarettes, so who was I to judge on that part.

It started getting weird pretty quick. The girlfriend started hanging out at the apartment a lot, even if roomie wasn't there. She was nice enough, but something felt off. She didn't give me the creeps per se, just mildly uneasy. It wouldn't be the words, it would be the look that accompanied the words. Still, she was nice and she sometimes brought food (All my money went for rent, food was a luxury).

After a couple of weeks, she made a move on me. I tried to be nice about it, but was clear that I didn't play that side of the fence. She let it drop. A few weeks later, with roomie in his bedroom, she came out to the living room and suggested a three-way. Again, I tried to be nice, but said I don't play that side of the fence, I don't share and I am not attracted at all to her boyfriend. Well, this caused drama. I think it was at this point that roomie was done having me share the apartment with him anymore. I'd been there less than five months, but he wanted me out. I had nowhere to go!

** Side note: this is when I called my parents and each refused me sanctuary in their respective homes, completely unaware how desperate I was **

He decided to act passive-aggressively. Instead of asking me to leave directly, he took my rent money and bought a motorcycle. Then, because he didn't know how to drive the thing, promptly wrecked it. Rather than admit to me or his father what he'd done, he borrowed the car of the woman who'd kicked me out before, so he could drive two states away to visit his mother. The first I knew about any of this was when the Sheriff's deputy knocked on the apartment door, with eviction notice in hand. He couldn't serve me, my name wasn't on the lease. So, he posted it on the door and told me I had 24 hours to move.

I called roomie's Dad, not sure what else to do! That's when I found out he'd left town. I told his Dad about the eviction.

This call to my mother was urgent. She still wouldn't let me move in with her, but she found a sofa for me to surf. I stayed there for a pretty short time, weeks - if that. That friend of my mother (for whom I'd babysat years before) found me a bedroom to rent. That was better than a sofa, and I had just found a pretty steady job, and the job was walking distance from this new place. I jumped at the opportunity.

I called roomie's Dad back again and told him that I was leaving, why and where. He seemed like a good man and had treated me well during this time.

I've written about this time before. The part that's just returned to my memory was when that roommate returned to that city. He and a very large mutual friend showed up at my place of work. I hadn't been there but a couple of months. I was dealing with my own demons on other fronts. The job was in a large retail store.

Both men came to my department. I could easily see the friend, roommate was much smaller, harder to see. I was actually GLAD to see the friend. When I smiled and waived, ex-roomie showed himself. The conversation when something like this:

RM: What did you do with my stuff?
Me: What? What stuff?
RM: All the stuff I left in the apartment. Did you take it?
Me: What are you talking about? I moved out. All your stuff was still there when I left.
RM: The neighbor said you took everything when you left. Where is my stuff?
Me: I don't have it. I don't know who said what, but they weren't even home. I had to go, they'd posted the eviction. I could only take my stuff that would fit in a station-wagon.
RM: (takes out a pair of numchucks he'd had hidden under his shirt. Friend reveals his hands from his pockets with brass knuckles). I want my stuff back.
Me: Talk to your Dad. He knew about the eviction and he knew when I left. You can see my new place, I don't have anything there either. I don't have your stuff! (I'm also looking at a coworker who sees the fear on my face. She calls store security for me).
RM: We'll see about that. You need to give me my stuff back.
Me: I can't give back what I don't have.
** Security shows up, the men hide their weapons, unaware it's all been seen on security cameras **
SG (Security guard): Is everything all right here?
RM: She's a thief, you need to arrest her.
Me: Everything's fine. Call your Dad and ask him about your stuff.
RM: This isn't over. I'm getting my stuff back.
SG: You gentlemen need to leave the store now.

They left and SG told me later that he banned them from the property. I laughed a little bitterly. I still walked to work and home every day. Now, I was going to have to watch my back. RM was not going to listen to reason. I had no idea what I was going to do.

Thankfully, the new girl in the department had a car AND lived in the same apartment complex as me. She started driving me back and forth. She'd seen the threats and was worried for me. I was grateful, I was worried for myself!

I have no idea what happened to RM after that. I never did see that fellow, or the had-been-a-friend fellow again.

Still, I stayed scared for a long time. Then, as luck would have it, I ended up living in that apartment complex again, with a different roommate. The whole time I lived there, I knew he wasn't there anymore, but I still felt ill-at-ease. Especially when I went to use the laundry facilities. I just felt so afraid he'd just show up, ready to do damage to me over stuff I didn't touch.

Hell, all I had was two suitcases of clothes and some pictures. That was all I'd had when I moved to that city and it was all I had when I left. I could have rented a sport-car to move in with my mother, except a U-Haul was cheaper!

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 6597
    • View Profile
Re: The roommate from *** Trigger warnings, poverty, threats of violence ***
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2017, 07:57:53 PM »
OMG Wife #2, I was working on this section and saw your post from quite some time ago.  I just want to acknowledge what you went through and send a  :hug:.   I am constantly amazed by what members here went through and yet still came out to be as warm and kind and reflective as you did. 

*

Wife#2

  • Member
  • 1025
  • Helping another helps me, too
    • View Profile
Re: The roommate from *** Trigger warnings, poverty, threats of violence ***
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2017, 02:08:29 PM »
Thank you, Kizzie.

I tend to think of that as a minor issue, but you know, I'm really thinking right now.

I need a break from my husband. I really do. A separation is actually recommended by my MC. But, it's the hopelessness and helplessness of this event that plays in my mind every time my husband reminds me that he has nowhere to go. I really know that feeling. He won't do anything about HAVING no place to go, because he doesn't want the separation. He's figured out that I won't really kick him out, though he has forgotten this story.

Rereading this story is helpful to me, so I'm very glad you posted. Now I can talk about this with my MC, so he understands better why I am sitting in a bad situation instead of doing something for myself. I wouldn't put what I went through on anyone. Least of all my husband, who I do love, but from whom I need a break.

*

Three Roses

  • Member
  • 2013
  • CPTSD is an injury, not an illness.
    • View Profile
Re: The roommate from *** Trigger warnings, poverty, threats of violence ***
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2017, 03:57:32 PM »
Standing with you wife, no matter what you decide is the best course of action for you. Sure is nice to hear from you!
 :hug:

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 6597
    • View Profile
Re: The roommate from *** Trigger warnings, poverty, threats of violence ***
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2017, 06:46:53 PM »
 :yeahthat: 

I don't know if this would be possible in your situation but I saw a piece on the news a while ago about divorced/separated parents came up with some creative ways of dealing with being apart.  One couple kept their children in the family home and rented a flat. Each one of them would take turns living there while the other stayed in the family home.  It might work well for taking the break you need if you could get a place that is furnished and week to week or month to month. 

There was also a couple who lived in the same house, but one of them moved to a basement suite they set up. They made up a schedule  of when they would be home for their children and when they would be free to go off on their own.  Seemed to work well.

Just some ideas  :Idunno:

*

Wife#2

  • Member
  • 1025
  • Helping another helps me, too
    • View Profile
Re: The roommate from *** Trigger warnings, poverty, threats of violence ***
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2017, 07:31:26 PM »
I love the creativity! I had also heard about the share-a-home/flat idea.