let the healing begin

[Wife#2]

First, I'm glad your D is alright. Breathe, now, Mama. You're baby is going to get better now.

Second - How fun, pizza and cake. Happy Birthday to you! And, yes, you technically COULD be my Mom, but I'd rather have you as my 'older-wiser' sister, if that's OK with you :-)

Still, if I don't make it by the forum before then - Happy Birthday, we're glad you were born! 

[AphoticAtramentous]

Glad to hear the surgery went well, san. ^^
If it's alright, I wish you a happy birthday. Glad you exist, glad to have met you.

[sanmagic7]

3 roses, as always, thanks for the fireworks - they always bring a smile to my heart.  so sweet of you to remember.

wife2, of course, sisters of the heart.  i've had enough 'mom' stuff, don't need any more kids.  you are my darling sister, always.

aa, birthday wishes are always welcome.  thank you so much. 

my daughter is healing, won't have to go thru the pain anymore as soon as she heals fully - that's the best birthday i could ever ask for.  except, of course, to have my other daughter back.  but, there it is.  we can't always get what we want, right mick?   i'm grateful for what i've got, tho, and won't let the other overshadow this blessed thankfulness i feel for my darling d.  she's so wonderful.  hoping for sunshine and lolli;pops and rainbows for her from now on.   i guess i got the oldies goin' on today.  love and hugs all around.

i so appreciate such kind words from all of you.  zing go the strings of my heart.  i can feel you, and i love that - love all of you, too.  you're the best.  thank you.  hugs all around.

[Sceal]

Happy birthday!
So glad to hear the operation went well! That's the best news anyone can get! You can celebrate twice as much now!
I hope your daughter will go through recovery smoothly! 

[Blueberry]

 

[Lingurine]

 

Happy birthday


Lingurine

[sanmagic7]

therapy today.  she's great. 

she asked what i wanted from her, i told her i didn't know.  i'd written on the intake form that i wanted healing and resolution.  when she asked me what healing looked like for me, i told her i didn't know, that i feel like i keep getting worse cuz more stuff keeps popping up that i have to deal with.

so, that's my goal.  healing.  nurturing relationships, which she is beginning to establish with me.  and that i'm basically supposed to stop 'doing'.  stop getting the info, doing the research, everything connected with this beast that i've been doing, and, instead, not do.  i spent a lot of time crying.

my birthday party is put on hold - just finished talking to my daughter.  too much energy.  plus, it turns out that she's been 'doing' too much already after her surgery just cuz it went so well.  so, we're both floating in that unknown gelatinous arena of 'not doing' for awhile until we're more stable and healed.

neither of us know how to do that real well.    practice, for sure.  i think i'll have to stop posting very much for a bit, until i get some balance with this.  i may come here to my journal - i'm starting a new one for my birthday.   this one was called 'let the healing begin' and it really hasn't.  so, new title, new inner focus, new way to be. 

i feel totally helpless in her office.  i know so little about me and what i need from a visceral angle.   i told her about an incident w/ a t that i fired, she told me that what had happened was trauma.  i never saw it that way.  i think i'm more wounded and more fragile than i thought.  but i just kept plugging on, just kept roaring thru it.  'i can handle this' syndrome.

i want you all to know that when i went down for my nap today, i saw you all surrounding me, protecting and nurturing me so that i could get some sleep that i badly needed.  you are real to me, and so helpful, and i can't thank you enough for your encouragement and support.  i'm sorry that i won't be able to be very interactive with you for awhile, but know that i love and accept and support each and every one of you in every way possible.  i just may not be able to express it for a bit.

so, let the healing begin.

[Three Roses]

 

[Sceal]

 

[Lingurine]

That sounds healthy to me san



Lingurine

[Elphanigh]

  lots of hugs for this new stage in the adventure. Happy early birthday just in case I don't get to tell you tomorrow.

[Blueberry]

 

Dear San,
Whether your birthday is a few days past or tomorrow (I'm quite confused, but it doesn't matter) 

and otherwise it sounds good with your new T and good that both you and your d are taking time to just be. Not overdo it and all that. I'm sure we can celebrate your birthday on the Healing Porch though, if you like. Even if that just means that we surround you, offering what you might need in the way of drinks or snacks and blankets, healing blankets, while you sleep or while you just relax and enjoy what you can see from your spot on the Porch. 

[sanmagic7]

thank you all.  for everything.

i won't be back here for awhile.  everything is triggering right now, and i have to stay away from this, from the news, and just kind of hibernate so that i can do some healing.  i've become overwhelmed by too much in too short a time.  you are with me - i do surround myself with you, or visit the porch.  it's all i can manage.  don't know when i'll be back. 

you're all brave and wonderful, and don't let anyone tell you different, not your ic's or oc's or anyone in between.  they're wrong.  love and peace.

[Three Roses]

May peace, love and healing follow wherever you go. 

[AphoticAtramentous]

I am wishing you well, San. ^^ Take your time.