Less exhaustion through HSP-friendly life (?)

[flookadelic]

How could I ever think that my CPTSD was anything but an affliction? That puzzles me. That the sheer craziness in my head was just seen as being "silly old me". And to reach those points and think, like you Cat, "hey, this is what the normals live with" it is like visiting a foreign country.

[Butterfly]

Thanks, both of you.    It's another sign that CPTSD makes you live in bizarroland - that it's possible to wake up one day and go "oh hey, I can adjust the conditions in which I live until they suit me? wow, fancy that", when other people do that all the time.

Oh yes, adjusting my environment to suit me, what a novel concept!

[noname]

I'm happy that this chain exists.  I'm certain that my HSP contributed so much to my developing cptsd.  And, it's making recovery difficult. 
Loved your first post Cat!

[Butterfly]

Ah see now I was thinking the trauma caused the HSP not the other way around. Wondering now which came first. My aversion to loud noises, from what I thought, was due to the screaming I was subjected to as a child. My need for bright sunlight is the opposite of hiding in the safety of darkness as a child. At the same time I find bright artificial light too early or too late into the evening triggering for some reason us quite necessary during daylight when sun isn't out on cloudy days.

[noname]

Butterfly,
My understanding is that we are born highly sensitive.  It is a phenomenon in which our nervous systems are actually different (more sensitive) than others.  It contributes to cptsd in that a HSP actually experiences more stimulation from all of our senses, good and bad.
My husband is on the opposite end of the sensitivity scale, so I am reminded all the time how much stimulation never even reaches his awareness.  After an evening together out for dinner, I will have gathered information on most people in the dining room (not on purpose!), while all he is thinking about is the food in his mouth that he had to dump tons of salt on in order to taste it.
It's quite amazing the differences I've noticed.  So when you add it all up, when bad things happen, HSP's experience more of it than non HSP's.

[Kizzie]

Just musing here but I wonder what if any influence nine months of living in an environment (the womb) where we may have been bathed in stress chemicals contributes to being a HSP?   

Noname - I always read a room too while my H is busy enjoying whatever it is we're out for.  I'll say something like "So and so were not getting along were they?" and he will look at me like "What?" because he has been busy enjoying his dinner or a conversation. 

One odd thing I can attribute to being a HSP is a huge startle response (which is strange considering I am also hypervigilant  )  My H and S will make noise if they are coming into my office because when I'm distracted with work I startle really easily.   It's one aspect of HSP I could do without 

[schrödinger's cat]

Oh, me too! The startle response and the reading a room. That's a part of being HS that I enjoy a great deal. Just sitting in a café and watching people walk by - it's like tuning in to a soap opera.

HS does have its advantages. The book I'm reading says: most HSPs actually like being that way - the problems only arise when we have to live in a world where everything's geared towards normal-type sensitivity.

It's made me feel more at peace with myself - realizing that YES, it's got tremendously enjoyable sides to it that I wouldn't want to live without - and the rest is just the flipside of it, the price I have to pay (as it were). One integrated whole. That's a lot easier to live with than thinking I'm "just being over-sensitive again".

[noname]

I only experience the startle response when my anxiety level is generally high.  So it is not always there.  I despise it though.  Sometimes its so bad that I startle even when I see people coming!  It is the moment in which my brain registers that someone is coming that I startle.  Silly.

Another part of HSP that I could do without is the remorse/regret/ruminating that happens the morning after an evening in which a few too many drinks may have been had.  In general, my mouth is either a steel trap or a waterfall.  Alcohol ensures that it will be a waterfall.  The next day I regret so many things I've said.  The problem is that I do not believe that in reality I've said anything bad.  But perhaps I've overshared...and it leaves me feeling extremely vulnerable the next day.  I was bullied as a kid, so I don't explicitly trust everyone to not abuse personal information I've shared.  Though with a few doses of liquid courage, and of course my inhibitions about sharing are nowhere to be found.  They return the next day and I regret opening my mouth.  Does anyone else experience anything similar to this?

Actually, on the subject of alcohol, I fear that through this difficult time with my H, I have started to self-medicate a bit.  Not a lot, but sometimes, I just want to turn my HSP mind off.  Is this a taboo subject?  I realize that there are other methods, and I have been employing them at the advice of my psychiatrist, but before I was really aware of what I was doing, I had an overwhelming need to "make it stop".  All the ruminating and sadness and bad feelings in general.  Is this a hsp thing or a human thing?

[Kizzie]

Hey Cat - It's fun to read a room providing I am not responsible for anything going on in the room.  If I am (e.g., teaching, hostessing) I've found that I am absolutely exhausted by the end of whatever the event is and have to "go to ground" and recharge (dark, quiet room). Sitting at a sidewalk cafe though is actually really enjoyable for me as well.

The startle thing - it only really happens when I'm busy (as opposed to anxious) but it happens in a big way.  I also get songs stuck in my head when I'm busy - "ear worms" I've heard them referred to.  Drives me nuts.  I don't know if it's because I'm HSP or not. 

Noname - Using alcohol to numb oneself is not a taboo subject here as a lot of us have used it to help with the pain. We have discussed it in the "Medication" forum if you want to have a look and post there.  I never drank much in my life as my F was an alcoholic, but I got really caught up in it last year because I was having huge panic attacks and wanted to make them stop. And it did help but then the drinking became a problem and eventually I had to go and get help. I'm not saying that alcohol per se is "bad" but I do think if we're using it to numb ourselves that's when it can become a problem. The pdoc I saw put me on a new med (Celexa) that made such a huge difference and I haven't had any alcohol since, don't feel any craving for it and don't have anxiety attacks any more either. (Again, I should point out that I don't think meds are right for everyone, they just were for me as I could not keep up with all the CPTSD symptoms and make any headway in recovery.)

[schrödinger's cat]

Hey Cat - It's fun to read a room providing I am not responsible for anything going on in the room.  If I am (e.g., teaching, hostessing) I've found that I am absolutely exhausted by the end of whatever the event is....

Ugh, yes, same here. I think I need to practice detaching myself from all those things I notice.

[shadow]

If all else fails folks at least we have natural tendencies for philosophy and Health and Safety! Our minds get to run riots in H+S 

[C.]

Great points Cat.  I've been told in a kind way that I have a "poet's heart" and certainly identify with what you describe here too.

It also makes me think about much of the creative and artistic contributions to the world.  The stereotype of the "torchured" artist.  It isn't necessary to be so unhappy in order to be creative, but perhaps a heightened sensitivity to all experiences helps in the creative process as well.

Thanks for starting this thread topic!

[fairyslipper]

What a great thread and so validating. Thank you for this. I took a lot of notes! 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hello yes Am def a hsp -
Nature -water- meditation and quiet all help me -
Incense and rose

I always have felt I am on a different frequency  - I am very sensitive to spiritual life and that is a gift I feel -

Textures smells art and colour are all so magnificent to me -

Love is wonderful but pain is v hard 

Thank u for the thread x