Checking back in and checking out

[radical]

I should have 'checked out' when I stopped posting and commenting a while ago, it's just that I wasn't sure I was checking out.  I've been dealing with some concurrent crises*, and surprising myself by how well I've been doing, most of the time. 

But I've felt at full-stretch with little to give to anyone else.  I feel bad about that.  I still drop in here quite often to quickly see if people I've come to care about seem to be doing okay, but don't feel capable of doing much more than that just now.

One thing I want to mention is that I've started working with a new therapist.  I wasn't sure I ever wanted to be in therapy again after my experiences late last year and earlier this year.  (I'm so grateful for the support I received when that was happening).  It's still early days but I feel really positive, and appreciate my therapist's warm, open, collaborative approach. 

So this is where I've come to:  a good therapist works with a client, not on a client.  Honest feedback and authenticity should be actively encouraged in a therapy relationship.  A good therapist asks questions and seeks to clarify what you are saying, what you are feeling, and what the issue is about for you.  Telling a client what to do, what to believe, how to interpret their experience, what their own therapeutic goals should be, and what is and isn't important or a problem for them is disempowering, potentially crazy-making and counter-therapeutic.   

Wishing you all well, and looking forward to coming back when I'm more able to participate.

* I'm going with the 'dangerous opportunity' definition🤞

[mourningdove]

I hope you don't feel badly about anything, radical. Nobody can give what they don't have.

So glad to hear that you have a promising situation with a new therapist! That makes me really happy for you, as I remember what you were going through with the last one and it was heartbreaking.

And I think you summed up perfectly what decent therapy looks like.

I'm always grateful for however much you are able to participate.

[woodsgnome]

Always good to see your thoughts here--spoken from the heart as they are. I understand your push-pull right now about the crises you are encountering which limits your energy.

I wish you well in the new therapy situation. Your words about the therapy/client interchange are spot on. It seems like you've found someone a bit above the crowd, as it were; and now you have the discernment to note the difference.

Loved your observation that some therapy can turn "counter-therapeutic". Unfortunately it seems rare on the t end of things to allow for that sort of sincere dialogue to have a place in the relationship. Needy as the client side can seem, it's always a two-way dance; yet we take all the steps on our own.

[Three Roses]

Radical, I wish you well. You've been an important person to me, here. I'll be looking forward to seeing more of your posts.

[Dee]

I'll be thinking of you.  I am glad you have found a new therapist.  That was so hard for you.  Take care of you 

I care about you too!