Hi. Where have you been all my life?!

[WarriorofHope]

Found this group about two hours ago and spent time reading thru some of the posts. Not all of them, but some. I wanted to type "me too!!! Me too!!" on every post. I am, in this moment, profoundly grateful that I found all of you and I am filled with love for a group of people I do not know at all but I feel I genuinely understand. I get it. I understand you. I understand your language. I know how you feel. And what a pain it all is.

This is damn big deal for me because I have felt morbidly alone for decades, like I don't belong to anyone or anywhere. In addition, I am not much of a "joiner". I don't like joining groups. I am an introvert and I an avid loner and I am not very comfortable in social settings. But this is the first move to break that silly habit. I know it's only been two hours, 2.5 now, but in one instant, I finally feel I am not alone. I am not the only one.

After 39 years of living and 1 year of realizing "oh..that's what I have!!" and feeling "that makes sense... finally!!", I could not figure out why I would not and did not and I am still resistant seek help (therapy, counseling etc.,). I spent my lifetime furiously avoiding being around people that are open and honest about this experience and seeking/wanting/begging to receive understanding or to be feel understood by people that truly don't care about me. I couldn't figure out why I was doing it for a while. Truth is, for more than 3 decades and including many times now, I find it very difficult to put my thoughts and feelings into words. And I have always been afraid that if I met someone that will understand it, then I will have to admit the truth of what happened. I have always felt I am not enough or good enough or I don't belong anywhere and don't deserve much in life, and seeking help or being around people that are more likely to provide support was part of it. I want it. But I don't want it and I couldn't make up my mind about it.

Reading some of the posts here has given words to the way I feel. So. I just wanted to say Thank You.

Though this is an anonymous forum, I already feel like I went on the stage and gave a presentation. I need time to get used to talking to people with similar experiences of life. For now, Hello and I am glad to be here.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, WarriorofHope! When I joined, just over a year ago, it was my first time on a forum. But that feeling you get when you find more of your own species, after feeling like the only one so long - man! Just wanted to jump in with both feet.

Posting felt weird at first. Now, it just feels like I'm talking to people who "get" me and that is so rare. So, thanks for joining and being one more! 

[Candid]

And so say all of us!

Yes, finding just one person who understands makes all the difference in the world. I'm glad you found your way to us, WarriorofHope, and look forward to getting to know you better.