Letting them go

[Divergent]

Recently i sent an email to my dad saying that it is too emotionally taxing for me to see them every month.
I didn't expect a response and part of me is thankful that I haven't received one.
I would've liked though to get a response, that my dad feels some kind of desire to be in communication with me rather than the thoughts that he doesn't want me as his daughter, that he doesn't love me or care about me.

I also sent me brother a text message asking if he would like to have dinner with me, of which I have heard nothing.

So right now I feel pretty worthless and am pushing people away because I wonder what they see in me of value that my family doesn't or doesn't care about.

[Blackbird]

Our values aren't theirs to attribute, we've earned them and we're deserving of appreciation for them.

Our families don't dictate what's right or wrong with us, not even "functional" families can do that. As we refuse to sustain more abuse, to perpetuate the lies and charades, their masks fall off and we see them.

We can have our opinions about them but that won't change them, why would their opinion about us change us?

I think it was very brave of you to say "enough", to be honest.

[Candid]

I know this feeling, Divergent. As soon as I dared to question my mother's treatment of me, I was on a long and painful road to family ostracism. You break the unwritten rule even by asking for time out, which was the way I started off. It's perceived as disloyal to the family.

So right now I feel pretty worthless and am pushing people away because I wonder what they see in me of value that my family doesn't or doesn't care about.

Me too. It's tough.I'm guessing you were the scapegoat in your FOO?

[Wife#2]

I think that we each experience this as we move away from the family that formed and injured us. I know I struggle with it. It's not as bad as it used to be, though, I can say that.

We who sustained injury in our childhood families have a huge task ahead of us. Instead of forming our identities in a safe environment, where we could try and discard different aspects without ridicule, must now, as adults, decide who we are, what we are about and why we matter in this big old world.

This is hard when we don't really know and when everything we THINK we know about ourselves is at risk for being challenged by others.

I don't have answers. I can only let you know that you are not alone. It is hard. It does hurt. You do deserve better, including people around you who do love you just as you are. 

[Blueberry]

Sounds familiar. you're not alone.

[alchemist]

I know you posted this some time ago, but I hope that you have had some healing with time.  That is SO painful and I have been kept from my father by my mother.  My father had a heart attack and lives in Idaho.  I don't get to see him in person and the last time I spoke to him was months ago right after the heart attack.  My mother always answers the phone and says "he's resting or sleeping".  My father sends me emails but I want to hear his voice. My father and I had a very close relationship growing up and my mother was jealous-yes jealous of her daughter-she has a personality disorder.  It is really sad that families can be vicious towards one another but they can and are.  My hope is you find people in your life who aren't damaged and just love you and have no alternate agenda. I have only now just found people like that. Then it won't be so hard to separate because you will have new memories of good people who don't cause you pain. And people on this forum are those people who will love you with no alternate agenda to.  So you can start here Stay strong

[Candid]

I have been kept from my father by my mother.

I was, too.

My mother always answers the phone and says "he's resting or sleeping". 

Last time I called my parents' number, mother answered and immediately hung up on me. Dad called me back a few minutes later.

My father and I had a very close relationship growing up and my mother was jealous-yes jealous of her daughter-she has a personality disorder. 

I suspect this in my case, too. My father died a couple of years ago and no one told me.