I barely remember my life

[Annarae12]

I recently have been trying to remember my childhood, im realizing my first real memory I have was around the age of 5 and thats still very foggy. My first memory that seems clear is probably around the age of 7. My parents didnt have any pictures of me as a baby or kid so i cant even look at pictures and try to remember. I dont feel like I ever existed back then. Im curious if anyone has similar feelings or experiences.

[Dee]

I don't remember much of 5 and 6.  I remember a lot more from 3 and 4.  Recently, I have learned not to try to force memories.  I don't have to remember to heal.  They may never come and that is okay.

[GlassChild]

I remember very few pieces of my life, but the things I do remember, I remember in great details. But a lot of it is just plain missing.

[asyouwish]

I have no memories, maybe a handful, of my very young childhood. I remember flashes, but not events, just feelings.

I start to have more consistent memories from about 12, but they're still poor compared to most people.

In general, I don't remember anything. I'm 28 now, and I couldn't tell you a lot of what's happened in the last few years. Major things, sure, but my friends seem to be able to recall all these little things that I can't.

My therapist says it's a defense mechanism my brain learned to protect me from what was happening, and hasn't quite realized I don't need it anymore. I guess I'll always just have a poor memory.

[ComplexHeart728]

I don't remember a lot of the traumatic parts of my early childhood.  I'm not sure of your story but I wouldn't want to remember the things that happened to me.  There's a reason my brain doesn't allow me to remember.  That's how I try and think of it anyway.  I know some people go through hypnosis to try and regain some things they forgot.  I'm not sure if that's the answer or not.  I feel like everything happens for a reason.  I also don't remember most of my 20s and early 30s when I was in a very toxic and triggering marriage. 

[Coco]

I'm the same!

Gosh. So nice to interact with others like me 

I think part of this is amnesia to protect against memories, and part of it is the weird thing that happens to brains when they are under constant duress. I think the derealisation/depersonalisation/dissociation self protection makes us rarely present enough to interact with life in a way that we could remember anything.....

I notice funny things lately to do with how unaware I am of my surroundings. I don't notice people, things, that I walk straight past. My awareness is weird.

[Fictionalizer]

I didn't remember most of my childhood until summer of 1988 when I got triggered by a puddle of water in the bottom of a boat. Then memories flooded through. I had a second flooding of memories after my mother died in 2010. Those were even more revealing than the first memories.

[Andyman73]

I've always had a few memories from way back...age 2. But overall about 85-90% just isn't there. Seems what I did remember were based on photos in the family photo albums. Sorta remember the caption that goes with the photo, but not an actual memory of the event in the photo.

When I started getting my suppressed memories back, earlier this year, that's when I truly learned how much of my entire childhood I don't remember. I don't need to remember what I don't remember. I've remembered the csa/r/cpa and so on and so forth. And I've learned a few things from my two brothers as well. 

I think Dissociative Amnesia is a lot of my issue now. And perhaps a TBI from mommy when I was 6.  Besides, I don't really want to remember what my mom's face looked like, as she beat me. My brothers told me it was quite scary. Both of my brothers know a lot of my story. As I have  told them both, in the past few months. But they have no idea of the psychological trauma of my life. Really, on those that have walked in shoes like mine, would know. 

Hmmmm, I just realized something. Over the years of my adult life, my brothers have referred to something from our childhood that I have no recollection of.  Different events or happenings or things our parents have said.  It's even worse than I realized.

Honestly, I don't remember a lot of my adult life either.

[I like vanilla]

I do have some memories reaching fairly far back, but they seem to be much scantier in array, detail, depth, and number than my more neurotypical friends have.

[Sceal]

I got scattered memories, but I've no idea what age they are. Some are from kindergarten, but they aren't really clear memories anymore. It's more the memory of me holding on to those memories - if that makes sense? I remember fractions of tiny moments in primary school, but not much to be honest, and never enough to make a whole picture.  From 13-26 it's a blur. I remember things happening, but I've no clue in which order or what age.
The memories doesn't have to be bad, some are though. It's just all blended together. And I try not to think so much about my past. I suppose ignoring the past and being in part-denial about it doesn't make it any easier remembering.

[BlancaLap]

That happens to me too...