Still a way to go

[Contessa]

Hi all,

It's been a while. Have recently, finally, stopped 'fighting' for my place in life. I can now just do and be. But I haven't 'been' for so long, I don't know how anymore.

Having a go a immersing myself into some basic social interaction, and it is weird.

I think I am weird. I have missed out on so much these last few years, I finally went out last night to just be involved in a festival going on in my city right now. Just a general thing but, my city has changed so much. I am not familiar with it, and I haven't even gone anywhere! I would have gone to this event over the years had I belonged to any group of people to do it. I know, because I thrived on being involved soaking up life, I made sure to include people who might like what was happening; staying at home was a confidence killer for me, and I was mindful of other's who might feel the same.

I also have very little to actually talk about, so when I talk to people, I say weird things! I do think I sound very idiotic. I'm also very physically tired.

I keep reading - and this is something that I used to live by - that you control your life and how you live it. I did not choose to skip six years of living. I asked for help in the beginning, and I was rudely told to * off. I did not choose this, and now I'm feeling a bit annoyed again. I have to learn how to be with people again. I am really annoyed about that.

[Dee]

You are not weird.  It's funny, so many of us describe ourselves as weird.  Your right, you did not choose this.  I also need to learn how to be with people.  I think you have made a lot of progress since I've been here.  Even to hear you say you did not choose this is a huge accomplishment!  We are here for you.  Us weird ones must stick to gather (even if we are not weird).