i pity the fool

[Contessa]

Note though, absolutely nothing he has done is excusable. And I think that is why I pity him.

He caused the chaos, he was found out, and given that things are getting better for me... he was clearly delivered some consequences.

Whatever is or has been going on inside of his head must be terrible. Now he's had to deal with being found out. He deserves whatever he gets, and that is why I feel sorry for him. My life now has a chance to get better, while for him the cycle will begin again somewhere else.

Oh well. No longer my problem.

[JohnIvan]

You are having a very important realization for healing. This was exactly the breakthrough I went through to heal myself. I am almost fully healed.

How? By NEVER AGAIN taking on unfair pain and shame. YOU are the victim. THEY committed a crime against you and deserve to be thrown in a deep alligator pit.

YOU ARE NOT WHAT THEY DID TO YOU. :-) YOU are AWESOME!

Repeat this thought until you fully understand it. Because it is true. Trauma affects us all and makes us irrational. So what? That wasn't your real self. You are the victim. And you deserve to get your real self back again!

[JohnIvan]

And I sense the same feelings of guilt I was riddled with. What I wrote here today may help you too:

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=6626.0

[GlassChild]

He caused the chaos, he was found out, and given that things are getting better for me... he was clearly delivered some consequences.

I have been learning this lesson too where my ex is involved. He did lots of terrible things but my life is getting better now and all I can say to him is "sucks to suck!" We're survivors and we'll keep on surviving!

[Contessa]

Absolutely GlassChild! Such a good attitude to have.

That is exactly why I do pity him. Because we're human enough to learn a lesson and improve our lives. We can move forward from our misery. They're stuck in theirs.

[sanmagic7]

they are indeed stuck in theirs.  to be that way must be a living * that they're too scared to be rid of.  i don't have pity for my ex, but i do for my oldest daughter.  i'm really sorry she's had such a rotten life.

contessa, you have weathered this person with such courage and grace.  kudos to you.  i'm glad he was found out.  he made his bed, etc.  every one of our actions have consequences, be they pos. or neg.  yours are positive in that you are able to move on, away from the torture you endured.  my hat's off to you, dear contessa!  big hug!

[Contessa]

Many thanks to you San. I certainly wouldn't be thinking this had I succumbed to the assassination. Such an uncomfortable bed to make. If only they knew what it was like to have softer sheets...

Slowly but surely, things are on the up, and up, and up. And I personally feel a sense of protection now. Almost time to let go

[sanmagic7]

you go, girl!  when you're ready, of course! 

[Rainydaze]

Note though, absolutely nothing he has done is excusable. And I think that is why I pity him.

He caused the chaos, he was found out, and given that things are getting better for me... he was clearly delivered some consequences.

Whatever is or has been going on inside of his head must be terrible. Now he's had to deal with being found out. He deserves whatever he gets, and that is why I feel sorry for him. My life now has a chance to get better, while for him the cycle will begin again somewhere else.

Oh well. No longer my problem.

I love this.  I know what you mean, too. We can move forward and see a positive alternative, whereas the narcissist (in my case anyway) is just stuck on the ride with no inclination to get off, even though he's just hurting himself. The level of self-destruction with narcissism is so sad and I feel pity for anyone who could hate themselves so much that they resort to making other people's lives a misery. Unfortunately it's the path they choose though. There's nothing to be done about it, we can only focus on learning from their mistakes on making sure we are healthy. 

[Contessa]

Oh yes indeed blues cruise.

If only they knew how to live in a world of bringing out the best in people. It's so much better.

The other woman and I have met and had our de-brief, and have acknowledged that he had not one but two great women, yet he buggered it up with us both!

What he ultimately did was turn us both into allies. We're now looking out for each other and revelling in each other's successes. Not only that, we're doing it in front of everyone he smeared me to.

He's still around, but nobody has seen or heard from him in months. Speaks volumes.

For me it is so affirming of my worth. The future looks bright

[sanmagic7]

yay for you, contessa.  how very cool that you now have a validating ally.  that's the best news yet!