Cptsd from being a hostage need help (Trigger Warning)

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T775530

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Cptsd from being a hostage need help (Trigger Warning)
« on: June 11, 2017, 10:36:33 PM »
Thanks for everyone whose wrote before all the kind words.  This happened awhile ago but I just can't for some reason move on.  I had a mid life crises and tried to end my life.  I am receiving help and it brought up that memory I managed ti surpress so long ago.  My psychiatrist says I dissociate myself from how bad many years it was and how many time he tried to and almost succeeded in killing me and I had it supressed and now it's coming back with vengeance.  I can't even leave my house and cry all the time.  I feel so weak and pathetic like people have has it rougher and still do their * what is wrong with you.  Get your * together BC health problems and some mental for myself aren't an excuse.  I doubt this * clown sits around crying over what he did or teorrorizing me so why am I still giving him still power? Crazy how thus happened and I just want ti love maybe BC I want it who knows.  I need to figure out why I can't leave my house it's ruining my life.  I'm anti social I know why and that's fine but this not leaving house I don't even move in the house.  Anyone else go through this?  I'm so digusted with myself....
« Last Edit: September 20, 2018, 05:38:17 PM by Kizzie »

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Blueberry

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Re: Cptsd from being a hostage need help
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2017, 12:20:30 PM »
Welcome on here T77!
I have CPTSD, but not from being taken hostage. However many symptoms may be similar. e.g. negative self-image and berating oneself, not being able to move on, finding one's own symptoms 'less bad' than other people's.

You are receiving help. Bit by bit that will help you to move on. Sometimes it seems a lot worse before it gets better. Like, you were receiving help and your long suppressed memory came back up.

I often find that asking myself "Why??" doesn't help. So not "Why can't I leave the house??" but rather "What tiny step can I take that might help me to leave the house for even 5 minutes?" And then: "How can I increase from 5 mins to 10 mins?" Or "How can I increase from once a week to twice a week?"

I do have experience with not leaving the house or remaining in one space in my house and not moving out of that. Sometimes I need to feel safe and protected. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time.

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jennyjenny

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Re: Cptsd from being a hostage need help
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2017, 04:56:11 PM »
Hi T77,

I was kidnapped / taken hostage as a child, so you are not alone. I offer some encouragement to you - I suffer from CPTSD as well, but I am able to leave my house, and I have found some 'tricks' to get myself to leave when I feel like I just can't.

One of them is that I noticed if I am on the phone with someone I can get myself out of the house. When things were really bad with my CPTSD about 10 years ago - I would call someone and ask them if they would talk to me until I was in my car. The topic didn't really matter - just that I was on the phone so whatever prevented me from leaving the house (most likely IC!) was distracted by me being on the phone :) .

I still use this 'trick' today sometimes, when I know it is good for me to be outside of my house but I feel soooooooo much more comfortable and 'safe' at home.

JJ

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T775530

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Re: Cptsd from being a hostage need help
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2017, 01:26:47 AM »
Thanks for response.  So,  Jenny talking to someone on the phone works for you?  I'm doing intenisive counseling and prozach right now but I have so much going on with this I don't feel safe anymore in my skin or anywhere.  I don't feel hope anymore.  Almost like nothing to live for.  I am trying so hard to be strong but it's really hard.  It's like a mental block I just can't get past for whatever.  I need to go to work and it litterally freezes me.