Some Guidelines to Review Please

[Kizzie]

Hi Everyone:

As you may know, every once in a while Three Roses and I will post guideline reminders when we see certain ones increasingly being contravened. We can't monitor the forum 24/7 so members need to help out by abiding by the guidelines and reporting posts that do not.  We normally action these with 24 hours.

Here are the guidelines we'd like to reinforce today:

Overly graphic/detailed posts - OOTS members are survivors of ongoing trauma and emotional/ physical/ sexual abuse. As such, detailed/graphic accounts of the trauma/abuse can trigger painful emotional flashbacks for other members.  Please be very mindful of this and refrain from graphic descriptions of your trauma/abuse, just include enough information to give members the idea.  If you are unsure of whether or not a post is overly graphic, include the words "Trigger Warning" in the subject line of your post. Posts which go beyond what is necessary to describe your situation will be edited or removed.

Offensive, demeaning and/or inappropriate language - This refers to any language that is demeaning of others (e.g., sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, calling someone a derogatory or demeaning name such as "jackass") and/or which is considered by many to be vulgar  (e.g., swearing, using the word "tits" instead of "breasts"). Most if not all members of OOTS have been demeaned through language in one way or another and as such, we encourage writing posts in a manner that is respectful of the trigger potential of language.

Diversity - We are a diverse community, comprising many races, religions, value systems, and beliefs.  Sometimes people of certain religions or of a particular political persuasion assume that everyone shares their values & beliefs or want to impose these beliefs on everyone.  Feel free to speak about what's important to you and how your values and beliefs affect your situation but please don't assume that everyone else is the same.  Degrading or offensive comments about a member's beliefs or groups of people are subject to removal.

Giving advice - Feel free to share how you cope or have coped with various situations and to make suggestions (as long as they are phrased as such) - that's the purpose of this forum, but please don't make blanket statements like "You *should* do this and that" based on what you think and/or have read in the resources about CPTSD.  Another person's situation may be very different from yours.  Often, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own time frame. We are all coming from different stages, situations, and backgrounds. If the Moderation Team sees a pattern of giving too much advice to others and not focusing on one's own recovery, the member will be warned and if the behaviour persists, possibly banned.

Please help to keep this a safe, respectful and positive community as possible. Thanks everyone! 


Reference: OOTS Member Guidelines at http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1616.msg10035#msg10035

[Three Roses]

The "giving advice" is particularly something I need to remember. People are not here to get advice, really; we are here to hear what's been useful or effective for others when they've faced what we are facing.

Also, if I fall into advice-giving mode, I've noticed (for me) chances are good that I'm disconnected from my own recovery and am focusing on external things as a distraction from my own work.

Thanks for all you do here, kizzie.

[Blueberry]

I'm with you there too, ThreeRoses. I need to be careful that I don't give too many suggestions. And when I do make them, then I need to make sure the way I express them is appropriate for me and especially the other person.
Kizzie and ThreeRoses, thanks for making this site safe again!

In the couple of days before June 14th, I did consider reporting one poster whose posts I was getting a bit concerned about, but I know that in the past in completely different situations, people have accused me of being too strict, and I was worried about that happening again. Has nothing whatsoever to do with you both, Kizzie and 3Roses, just an EF I suppose. Because based on anything else you've written on here, it's always been very fair and straightforward, and the Guidelines are clear. So even if I did report somebody and you two decided it wasn't an issue, nothing would happen to me. At least my logical brain knows this. Unfortunately my feelings are unsure on that. So that's definitely an EF.

OK, so now I can try and let go of the guilty feeling that I didn't report the posts. I was sad to read that at least one member is taking a break because of reading disturbing posts. So I thought "If only I had said something...." But now I realise as I write that, that no I'm not responsible for other people. It is good when I can take actions to help others, but my own feeling of safety and avoiding EFs has to come first.  Another tiny little bit of progress made. 

[Lingurine]

I hear you Blueberry, I had the same sort of feelings, wanting to step in and warn the moderators, but saw how this poster wrote so many disturbing posts, that I decided to wait a bit, because I knew Kizzie and Three Roses might see them right away. It did trigger me too, but after a while I saw the posts were deleted.

Thank you Kizzie and Three Roses, for keeping this site safe, that must be a difficult part of being a moderator, not always easy I think, so thanks.

Lingurine

[sanmagic7]

a big thanks from me, too, to both of you.  this forum seems to be growing, which makes your jobs all that much more difficult.  i think, in spite of its size, you two do a bang-up job.  hugs.