New Diagnosis

[CherryBlossom]

I've been seeing a therapist for a year due to divorce sadness, etc.  I knew my relationship was abusive, and I just fell apart inside when it ended.   My ex-partner had Bi-Polar and severe PTSD and so all along I helped her and co-existed, walking on egg shells, thinking her behavior to me was normal.  It took me a few months into therapy to realize she was abusive to me, and that I also had "issues" (figure that).   All along we had talked about adjustment disorder - but now the therapist told me I have C-PTSD.   I came home and read everything I can get my hands on, and the scary thing is, all the symptoms "fit".  I'm so confused.   I am able to manage my business, be a single mom, and keep things going well - I don't feel "crazy" and most people wouldn't think I'm odd or strange.

  I don't WANT to have a diagnosis of C-PTSD.   I think it makes me feel broken.  Or something.    The only thing I know I have been diagnosed with in the past is Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I figured was no big deal), and Situational Depression (after my child unexpectedly passed away....) and I could write that one off as "understandable too".   But C-PSTD seems like a BIG DEAL and it makes me a little scared.   

Any words of wisdom, or any words at all of response are appreciated.  Thank you for your time in reading my post. 

[Dee]

I understand it is hard to have that diagnosis and scary.  It took time for me to accept any diagnosis.  Now, it just is.  It isn't who I am, it doesn't define me.  In a way having that diagnosis keeps me from having a laundry list of others.  I tell myself it really is for insurance purposes anyway.  Also, I can understand that it is an injury.  This forum has helped me accept all of this.  I don't think anyone here is weird or damaged.  I just think of them as people, many who I have felt connections with.  The forum really does help validate experiences and feelings.

When I first started therapy I was married.  I had no idea I was in an abusive marriage.  My T gently asked me questions until I began to realize what was going on.  Therapy also gave me the strength and support to get out.  I can relate to much of what you have posted.  Welcome! 

[sanmagic7]

realizing i have c-ptsd gave me a sense of relief, cherryblossom.  this stuff works differently for everyone.  i'd been to so many support groups in my life, and i never felt like i fit with the people there.  until i got here, and everything made sense to me. 

one thing i'm sure of is that you're not crazy.  i, too, have managed to raise a family, go back to college for my master's, and work as a therapist, eventually even getting published.   we are strong individuals who have done all kinds of 'normal' things, even while we've struggled with what has been confusing.  i spent a good part of my life confused about what was going on around and with me.

l think c-ptsd is a big deal, and it is scary at times, but, at least for me, knowing this is what i've been battling blindly for so long, has given me some direction at last.   it's the whole picture now that i can see, where i was simply putting out fires here and there as they sprung up without ever becoming aware or feeling a sense of satisfaction,.

i don't know if any of this is helpful.  i do believe we can be healed once we have our eyes open and can see where we need to go.  best to you with this.  the support and kinship i've felt here has been life-changing for me.  i hope you will find what you need as well.   here's a hug if you want it.     

[CherryBlossom]

Hi Dee, Thank you for your response.  I appreciate the support.  Therapy has helped me too.  I saw my therapist again today and she said NOW we are starting Therapy - the last year was me just "keeping my head above the waves".   That's good news!

And SanMagic thank you for your words too.  I see that you have followed a lot of the same kinds of paths as me (school career, writing) - strong..... etc. I agree.  Knowing what it is is helping me.

I was able to recognize 3 x in the last week some EF.  I would have never connected the dots before.  Blessings to all.

[CherryBlossom]

Feeling down.

[Dee]