I'm dating a woman with CPTSD.

[SKK619]

Hey everyone,

I'm not sure if im posting in the right place or even doing this right, but i have been dating a woman who has CPTSD, i would humbly  ask anyone that has any info or advice on how i can be a better boyfriend to her, i've done a little research as far as causes and what not. but i'm really looking for advice on what i can do to help her not so much to make it easier on me at ALL but to be there for her and help her through her triggered events she suffers from and what i can or cant do to help our relationship any help would be greatly appreciated and thank you all

Any personal replies can be emailed to me

steve.kalohelani@gmail

[Kat]

It's so great you're interested in learning how to help your girlfriend.  Reading Pete Walker's book Surviving to Thriving would be a good way to learn about CPTSD.  I haven't been on this forum for too very long, but I know there are a lot of symptoms people share in common and can relate too, but there are also others that are unique to the individual.  Does that make sense? 

My husband isn't very supportive.  He's scared off by a lot of what I go through and doesn't want to hear about it.  Or, he minimizes what I say.  If he were to ask me what I need, I think I'd tell him I'd like him just to listen and try to understand what I go through.  I oftentimes feel really guilty about not having the energy to do things.  I frequently feel exhausted.  I'd like reassurance that he knows I'm not lazy or playing games or looking for sympathy.  I'd like him to be patient with me.  I guess, what I'd want is what most people want--someone to listen and be empathetic, someone to be supportive, someone to gentle and patient, someone to show grace.

Hope this helps.  Maybe keep reading through different threads would help as well.

[Three Roses]

The most helpful thing my husband does for me is just listening, without trying to help me. So often we just want to be heard, but a lot of what we have to say is uncomfortable for others to hear. Listening, a gentle touch, a soft "I love you" when he knows I'm struggling.

[Dee]

Have you asked her what you can do for her?  I know when I have a moment in therapy my therapist asks me what she can do to help.  It took time but now I know how to answer.  At first I didn't know what she could do.  Now I say things like "help me ground."  I keep things in her office such as essential oils that are available when I am there.  I have even said "let's talk about the trip I am planning." 

Maybe even creating a list of ways to help her in advance might help.  If one thing doesn't work go to the next.

[Elphanigh]

I agree with both of what they said. Sit down a maybe create a list of things that can help her calm down. For me I have a hard time staying calm, if she does it can be useful to know ahead of time what helps her. I find that in those moments, I don't know how to answer, or how to tell someone what will help. I made a short list of things for her that help me ground, and help me cope that she could easily help me with. It has truly shown to help, because she can look at it or remember small things and give me those reminders.

Educating yourself on symptoms helps too. I suggest reading stuff here. Everyone is really kind and for someone that wants to help their significant other I can imagine we are open to helping best we can. I know I am willing if you are ever on one of my threads