What Triggers Your EFs?

[fullofsoundandfury]

Hi buddy. Google Pete Walker, he is the master. He has a website with tips about how to cope with EFs, like when you visit your MIL as well as in general life, and he has a book which is an absolute godsend.

Sometimes when I ask a question and people refer me to a website, I feel rejected. It feels inhuman of them, like they can't be bothered answering me. Please know that the only reason I referred you to Pete is that the answer to your question is too involved for me to adequately put into words, but I know that Pete does an excellent job of describing what to do, far better than I could ever hope to express. I hope one day when I have learned all this more thoroughly for myself, I will be able to give good answers to anyone who is beginning 

Meanwhile, what a great thread!

I'm not new to my diagnosis (psych person told me I have CPTSD a few years ago) but I am new to learning about it, so I have not reflected on what triggers me yet. What a great prompt for an exercise.

Sooo. EFs.

Anyone criticising me or appearing to
Images, thoughts or suggestions relating to children being hurt
Me making a mistake
Eating
Money
Exercising
A lot of noise
Angry/discontent looks on peoples' faces
Anyone seeming to be upset with me
Welfare agencies and their corruption/incompetence being discussed
Any reminder of the lack of good help available in general for people suffering mental illnesses, addictions or family violence
Seeing my FOO
Any family dynamic, eg time with partner's parents
Night time
Lying down to go to sleep
Waking up
Me not being perfect

Gosh, lots more. My head is going dizzy, some part of me doesn't like doing this at all, wants to dissociate.

[Three Roses]

Just wanted to interject a quick "Welcome" to you, Buddy. May I encourage you to post in the "Welcome to OOTS" board, that is if you'd like to be welcomed more thoroughly. 

[CepheidVox]

• Anger, either mine or others.
• Being called stupid.
• Making mistakes.
• Powerlessness
• Some songs my mom used to listen to.
• September.
• People being treated unfairly.

[Lilfae]

I dont know if I know all of mine. Sometimes I get triggered and I am not sure what happened.
But, those I do know:
The whole of an island outside my city.
The busstop  to said island
Clams
Uninvited hugs by men I dont really know
Flirting
Nescafé shop
Whiskey
Ceritain kinds of cars
Confrontations
The news
If I am really bad: the bed and sleeping
Lying down and people standing above me.

But there are words too. I just dont know which ones. Or which topics beside abuse in general, I often react when I am in DBT therapy group.

[AphoticAtramentous]

- Airports
- Police
- Certain looks/facial expressions
- Yelling
- Grooming/Slave Trade
- Stupidity (Is that mean? lol) Or at least people that refuse to listen/are willingly ignorant.
- Some types of people that are overly happy, laugh at jokes that make no sense, be overly silly, make me feel left out.
- Holidays/Vacations/Trips
- Sudden movements sometimes, especially from people.
- Tradition
- Churches
- Weddings/Marriage
- New Year's/Father's and Mother's Day/Rent Inspections
- Unproductivity
- Being trapped/Not in control
- Pet Birds (lol, a little random but eh)

I find it really intriguing reading everyone's list of triggers. See if we relate, see how vague/specific they can be.

[Liminality]

Interesting thread. Like Aphotic, I find intriguing to see how many times similar triggers come back on most lists, and how we relate to each other.

Don't know all of mine either, but I'll try to list a few.

- My birthday
- My abusers' birthday
- Christmas
- Spiders
- Crowds
- Dark and cramped spaces
- Being naked in a bathroom
- Being wet (as in, water over my body)
- Places related to my abuse
- Manipulative people
- People looming/towering over me
- People encroaching on my personal space
- People trying to lord their authority over me
- Any accidental or deliberate touch I'm not prepared for (the only safe spots are my hands and top of shoulders, and again only when I'm feeling safe)
- Compliments and kind words (I can tolerate a few, but not much)
- Pity toward me (including compassion and sympathy, because when I'm having an EF I won't see the difference)
- People laughing at me/making jokes at my expense
- Feeling unheard/invisible
- Lack of proper trigger warnings in fiction
- Books/Movies/other fictional media with vague descriptions of implied CSA (graphic CSA triggers me less, but implied makes my imagination turn wild)
- Books/Movies/other fictional media with characters going through derealisation/depersonalisation (makes me go through the same thing)
- Gross misrepresentation and propagation of mental illness stereotypes
- Being pinned down
- Being asked to say "I love you" back

And I'm going to stop here because I'm triggering myself, haha.

[Quiet]

Different triggers bring forth different emotions.  Mostly self-loathing and anger, but sometimes discomfort.

• "Clumsy" mistakes.  Especially when I drop or spill something.  Extra when something breaks.
• Angry yelling.
• Belittling, especially my intelligence.
• If I make a loud noise and someone asks if I'm okay.
• Compliments or people being nice to me.  Like Liminality, I can tolerate a little.
• Haircuts.  I'm getting better on this one.
• Letting my hair grow long.
• Random stuff that I'd forgotten about.  Usually home decor.
• Certain phrases.
• Sometimes I'm triggered by something I can't identify.
• Money troubles.
• Having to ask for help

[ah]

Well, I'm tempted to write "anything" but maybe that's taking it a bit far. So apart from absolutely everything:

Indifference
Being ignored
Nighttime
Waking up
Certain people: abusers and those who do their bidding
Sudden or unexpected movements
People moving around behind my back
Throwing up, choking
Thinking someone is tired of me
People looking bored
having to ask for help
Thinking I failed
People towering above me
Well-wishers
Happy people being silly
Loud noises
Repetitive noises
Birthdays, holidays
Families
Compliments
People saying loving nicknames to their parents, siblings
Kindness shown to people
Loving parents
Feeling my privacy was invaded
People

[M.R.]

I have found a few triggers I never realized I had through other's postings, because as I was reading I could feel myself remember something and reacting to it.

But to join in: 
-yelling
-clothes/my hair touching my neck
-feeling like I can't breathe (specifically through my nose)
-loud noises
-anger (or perceived anger)
-things being too quiet (if that even makes sense)
-words/phrases
-certain body language
-when I don't do something correctly/make a mistake
-feeling someone behind me
-having someone come in my room (opening my door to come in)
-the dark
-men...in general
-swearing
-being in a dirty environment
-speaking up
-feeling shut down
-not understanding something

There are so many, and I don't think I could even say some of them, so I will leave it there.

Melodie

[Gwyon]

1. Thinking i've displeased someone
2. Making a mistake, or fearing I will
3. Feeling ignored
4. Social gatherings
5. Small talk and "Clever" conversation
6. Having to do a lot of social interacting during a day
7. Romantic movies
8. Certain songs from my teens and twenties
9. Being in the presence of particular FOO members
10. Being in presence of acquaintances who I believe have seen my troubled side and behaviors and who I think do not respect me because if it

[Gwyon]

11. Catching myself with a selfish/shameful thought

[Resca]

I am very triggered when I think someone is trying to be controlling. It doesn't have to be me they are trying to control.

Feeling like someone is angry with me causes a feeling that is close to panic. My heart pounds, I get sweaty.

Those are the ones I feel comfortable sharing.

I feel you on both of these, Three Roses, and I like that you phrased it as "when [you] think someone is" doing xyz because it highlights the personal, cognitive aspect of the EF. I have a tendency to misconstrue actions as controlling or demeaning even when I can rationally see that it's probably not the case. It's just part of that faulty wiring, I guess. Accepting that this cognitive fallacy is part of C-PTSD without blaming myself for the resulting EF has been a big growth point for me; having dealt with this a lot, I just want to remind you that it's not your fault

Just a couple of other triggers for the growing list:
- certain music from my childhood
- clumsy moments or breaking things
- being corrected --> my brain translates this to "you are bad at the thing and you will always be bad"
- any communication from or about the NM
- nightmares about the NM (I guess these actually are an EF, in part, but they exacerbate the cycle)
- the holidays

[blackaltis07]

Just to name a few:

-Music
-Crowds
-Harsh criticism
-Toxic people
-Situations at school (big one)

I've also noticed that certain times of the day automatically trigger them for me. Even if I've had a normal day, at 5:00 pm almost like clockwork I get an EF triggered by memories of my abusive father coming home from work around that time when I was a kid.

[goth_mike]

I'm still trying to identify many of mine, as sometimes flashbacks happen with no obvious trigger.  The more easily identifiable share many common themes with others on here, and include:

- Any authority figure, in particular anyone in uniform, even though to my knowledge I was never hurt by someone wearing a uniform!
- School railings / gates (huge issue)
- The slightest hint of criticism, real or percieved
- People with certain sounding voices / ways of talking
- Anyone who stands too close or 'leers' over me (space invaders)
- Public transport
- Crowds
- Valentine's day
- Being touched unexpectedly
- Others talking in whispers
- Laughter in the near vicinity
- Realising I forgot to do something
- Religious paraphernalia (again no direct link - I think I associated that with authority, and my learned distrust of it)

That's actually quite a list.  No wonder I walk around feeling danger everywhere, and from everyone!

[Andyman73]

Any kind of compliments or gratitude shown towards me.

Any acts of kindness or compassion shown towards me.

Telling me I deserve anything good.

Telling me how someone else thinks so highly of me.

Getting called to supervisor office.

Telling me I'm a good son in law or father to my face while trashing me behind my back.

Other stuff I can't say.