What Triggers Your EFs?

[marta1234]

I wanted to also share my triggers here, mostly so I show my parts that I care.

Pain (any kind, even if it’s from my period,etc..)
Loud and sudden noises
(On very bad days) intense light, the sun
Cold “Innocent” smoothie
Very depressive music
Shouting (especially if at me)
Crying
Babies, toddlers
Kids screaming (even if it is from joy)
My m looking red in the face (like after crying)
Packed public transport
Any kind of disciplining
Violence
Anger directed at me (trying to get better with this)

[Bermuda]

Violence or verbal abuse in the news, or in a movie, or even a billboard. Hearing a parent shush their child or a couple arguing, anything like that. Seeing a child chase pigeons or other animals.
Inappropriate sexualisation of various at risk groups in media, or in speech.
Bloody noses, busted lips, or any other very normal childhood incidences that occur while playing.
Having a professional speak in any patronizating tone. For example, a bank teller refused to let me open a bank account, after speaking quite condescending to me.
Actually, being in any situation of perceived social hierarchy. Doctors, dentists, the police, etc.
Crowds, or other situations of sensory overload. Flourescent lighting. Construction work.
I am often triggered by events that could have happened, but didn't. Seeing a bicyclist get into an accident could elicit the same response as seeing a bicyclist swerve out of the way of a car.
Hurtful opinions pertaining to sociology or child psychology from those who have lived a 'typical life'. I can't even elaborate on that without being triggered.

(trigger warning, dentists) I know I already mentioned doctors, but I feel dentists require their own category, as they trigger me differently. I often feel that dentists speak in a way that undermines consent, 'Open your mouth.' It's a statement, not a question... Coming from a person who wants to not upset anyone, ever, it's a very difficult situation. If a dentist notices my gums are swollen and says I need to floss, instead of correcting him to the fact that I have an autoimmune disease, I will listen to ten minutes of him lecturing me about my dental hygiene while poking me with a sharp object repeatedly. After visiting the dentist I feel violated, coerced, disgusted, and shameful...

The taste of blood.

Probably 100 other things, but these triggers are near guarantees. 

[suffersilence]

I was reading these posts, and found myself mildly triggered. so it will be hard for me to type this post.  I do have several that I can't think of now. but the main one that I find myself always triggered often.

M
people in authority being angry directing their anger towards me
people who criticize my work and respond in anger
when tasks that I have to do gets out of control or overwhelming ie: too much work
things that are unknown for example, planning for a trip.

I did go on a month long trip, It was my way of trying to get out of my comfort zone, in the end, I am pleased to say i did enjoy myself a lot, and I was fortunate to have a friend along with me, as he was the one who help prepare and make sure things are going smoothly. I don't know if I was able to do it all by myself.  like they say, "a journey begins with a single step." so that trip was my way to see just how far I can go. and soon i will attempt a shorter trip on my own, closer to home.

I do have many other triggers but right now, I am drawing a blank.

Silence

[compassion4all]

I have found that my list is always growing. I've also learned to appreciate discovering new triggers as they are pieces to a puzzle. I only know what's in my subconscious when it is revealed through a trigger. I try to link the trigger to its origin so I can focus on healing the original wound, usually by allowing myself to express what I didn't feel safe to express at the time. In other words, lots of tears!

Feeling misunderstood
Feeling unseen
Feeling unheard
Being ignored
Having someone tell me how I feel (this happened recently about something trivial. I processed it quickly but, wow - why would anyone believe they know with 100% accuracy how another human being feels!)
Having someone deny my reality
Feeling that someone is angry at me (uh oh - now I am in physical danger...)
Feeling criticized
Seeing my FOO!
People with low empathy
People with large egos (this is a big one and the one I have to work on the hardest since large egos are plentiful in the corporate world)
Dishonesty
Superficial people

All of the above triggers were SO MUCH STRONGER before I knew that there was a pattern and I could begin to identify what they are. Just learning that the reactions I was having are really " normal" reactions by someone with my history was a relief. I felt crazy before that and blamed and shamed myself. They don't necessarily go away once identified but I have found there is value in learning where they originated from. My experience is that has diminished their intensity. I've come to the conclusion they will probably never go away. .

[Boatsetsailrose]

Having a chronic physical health condition. M. E cfs and fibromyalgia.
When I. Go into a flare up ( they can last wks) I get v triggered. I feel unsafe vulnerable, lonely and a lot of shame.
My anxiety is through the roof.

Like having a chronic condition isn't enough!

[NarcKiddo]

A driver of a car where I am a passenger getting angry
The smell of smoke unless I know to expect it
Someone disagreeing with me or telling me I am wrong unless they are very gentle about it
Someone shouting in my presence
Unexpected or unbidden physical contact of any kind

[Moondance]

Telling me what I should do and how to-do it.
Encroaching my physical space
Not feeling safe
Someone angry at me
Someone is unpleasant with me
Guns
Dreams
Memories
Yelling
Condescension
Conflict
Anything to do with work, I can't watch movies that have conflict work situations or stress related situations-anxiety becomes very high
Authority figures
Christians that are judgmental or have a know it all attitude (kind of the same as authoritative)
Seeing, thinking or talking about coworkers that gaslighted me

I stay home a lot, bahahaha

[Chaos rains]

Being laughed at or mocked
Group activities of any kind but especially competitive ones
Overstimulation especially yelling and noisy over-lit places. (I love that I no longer have to go into stores and can now just order online everything I need)
And sometimes, nothing apparent at all. Guess I still have a lot of work to do.....

[Kizzie]

Geez I feel so angry when I read what triggers us and how. It's clear to me any treatment has to include the physical responses we also have to triggers, not just the psychological/emotional. They are paired so much more than many professionals may realize. 

I told my T in our last session that some things affected me so badly (people with NPD are top of the list), it's like I have a fire alarm clanging in my ears, my BP spikes, I feel really anxious and either like fleeing or fighting.  I honestly don't know how to emotionally/physically regulate all that although I do know now to walk away as soon as I realize I am dealing with an N or other big trigger if I can.  I don't think all this will ever go away entirely considering I am 66.

[NarcKiddo]

I don't think all of this will ever go away entirely either, Kizzie. Once our neural pathways have been installed they are always there. Even if they are seldom triggered they don't go away. I do hope that as time goes by I will be able to manage the physical and emotional reactions and damp them down before they reach the levels they do now.

I was on a cruise last year and something caught fire on board. It was minor, immediately put out, the announcements were good and I was never in any logical doubt that I was in danger. But then the smoke smell got pulled through the air conditioning system and our cabin started smelling of smoke (one of my huge triggers) and I was quite simply unable to function. I paced the cabin like a caged tiger for at least an hour until the smell dissipated. Normally I can dissociate if I can't escape a trigger, but this was something else.  I was discussing this with my T in our most recent session. Her advice for dealing with physical reactions to future triggers is to recognise and name the reaction to myself as a trauma response. My trauma all arose from childhood so once I have identified a trauma response I can tell myself I am an adult. I have agency and power to deal with the situation. Deep breathing is also something she told me to do but if I am very heavily triggered deep breathing alone does not seem to do anything for me. If I catch a reaction early enough or it is fairly mild then deep breathing helps.

[Paperflower]

Like many of you there are many things that trigger me and I go into a spiral.

-Going to the doctor and talking about my medical history
-Funerals, hospitals, family gatherings
-Feeling like I am wrong, incorrect or don't have an answer = I am not smart
-Feeling like I am a burden
-Feeling like I am too emotional (which just sends me into a spiral of guilt and shame and shutting down)
-Feeling like my pain is causing others pain (makes me tend to not open up and do a lot of shielding)

EDMR is helping a lot with these feelings. I really can't say enough positive things about that type of therapy and I've tried many others. That one seems to be helping me desensitize (the D in EDMR) when I have these triggers come up. It's not that this takes away the memory or even the feeling, it just no longer takes the breath out of me, or makes me overwhelmed by my emotions.

PaperFlower

[Kizzie]

That's great you have found something that is working for you Paperflower!       These issues don't normally go away entirely (IMO), but through various approaches we can learn to integrate rather than stuff them, to defuel them so to speak. From my understanding, EMDR gets the whole brain working on the trauma so that it is processed and integrated to a greater degree.

[blue_sky]

I might sound like a sexist or a racist because of some of my triggers sadly. But I swear I don't mean any harm. And I can remove them if I'm not allowed to post them.

• Any stories (real or fictional) of CSA (esp if by a family member)
• Violence (real or fictional)
• Brother/Sister fighting or bullying or bickering even if it's just playful (esp if brother is older or more powerful)
• Being in an enclosed space like elevator or closed room with male(s). It might be a stranger or even my boss.
• Construction workers (i feel so sad about this because I don't know what about them triggers me)
• Bearded males especially if they resemble my perpetrators.
• Crowded places, public transport, movie theatres etc.
• Anyone standing too close to me (exception: husband and dogs)
• Physical intimacy with husband (this is the saddest and hugest one) especially if I am lying in bed on my back, facing the ceiling.
• Anybody's anger in general but if they are angry AT me then oh boy does my inner child freezes and I feel like I will do anything to please that person.
• When people say "Oh I wish to go back to being a child" or "Childhood was such a lovely time" or just assume in general that everyone had a pleasant, stress-free childhood.
• Brother's Day. Yes people, in my culture there is a day when brothers are celebrated and worshipped by their sisters. In my case that meant I had to worship my sexual perpetrator for years. This day comes around every year and I feel so mocked and humiliated.
• When people boast how many sick leave they have banked and how they come to work even when sick.

I could go on and on if I keep brainstorming. And on bad days, anything can trigger me. Like if my husband pulls away the blanket covering me in an attempt to wake me up.

[Blueberry]

blue_sky, I don't see any of these as being sexist or racist! They are there because of what was done to you (or not done for you in the case of neglect). No reason to delete them or anything like that, no worries.

I'm sorry you have so many. Gentle, safe    if helpful, if not e.g. too close, then just ignore.

[Bermuda]

I was just writing something and I was reminded of a trigger. It sounds silly on it's own...

Alarms. Alarm clocks. Time.

I can't sleep with a clock next to my bed. I will not sleep if I can see the time. If I am woken up by even the most jingly gentle tune, I will panic. I have a very sensitive biological clock and don't require an alarm. As a child I would wake up every morning for school at 5am precisely without an alarm to do my routine. I had a lot of sleep disturbances that I didn't realise yet... Sometimes I would see the clock in the middle of the night, and my brain would rearrange the hands on it. I would often shower in the middle of the night and begin getting ready before realising it and going back to bed before anyone noticed what I had done.

If there is a clock in the room, visible from where I am sleeping, I cannot sleep. I can become quite obsessed with the idea that I am late.