What Triggers Your EFs?

[Blueberry]

Lilian, I'm so glad you feel safe. That's what I've felt here since day one 

[Kizzie]

Most of my EFs happen in the face of abuse/neglect not just of me, but of other people especially children and animals.  What it triggers isn't fear but anger and outrage and I freeze I think b/c it was dangerous to fight back in my family, things typically got much worse.  So hard to swallow the anger though.

I also have EFs when I feel like I don't have enough psychological/emotional space which comes from enmeshing & boundary busting NPD parenting. 

[bluepalm]

Lillian, thank you, I nodded yes to virtually all your triggers.  I've experienced at least three of them in the past 24 hours. And by 'experienced' I mean not only that I suddenly fell into a different state of being which felt to me like I was in the past - fearful, anxious, lost, and without a firm footing in life - but then I had to spend ages trying to get myself out of that different state of being. It's truly exhausting. Takes a huge amount of energy. One trigger was a fleeting expression of what I thought might be disapproval on someone's face - it's bothered me for hours - did I do something wrong? I shudder to think how much of my time alive on this Earth has been spent flailing around emotionally as a result of being triggered.

[Lillian]

Big hugs to you, bluepalm  I know what you mean. I feel like I fight my triggers constantly, and it's exhausting playing the part of a normal human sometimes. It's really hard for me to let go of things sometimes, especially when I worry about what other people think of me. I usually spend the evenings just laying down because I can't handle doing anymore things.

[bluepalm]

I usually spend the evenings just laying down because I can't handle doing anymore things.

Thank you Lillian. Me too! I'm noticing that as I get older, I'm now in my early 70s, my exhaustion at managing the world and people and everything that has triggered me during the day has become more pronounced and my evenings (indeed, even late afternoons) are now spent in recovery mode - resting, reading, contemplating, reflecting on the day, being quiet, just being. It's fine though. I am grateful my life is peaceful enough now, after so much turmoil, to allow this. I wish in my earlier adult life I had had the strength and insight to deliberately allow myself the space to rest and recover each day; instead I kept driving myself forward into each night, 'managing life'. Indeed for much of my life I felt I didn't have evenings. Just a day and then exhausted sleep. Part of this was raising children on my own and having a very demanding work life, but part of it was fear of what would happen if I stopped actively managing life. And part of it was a sense that I didn't deserve to stop, rest and recover. That wasn't 'allowed' for me. My mother's angry command, if she found me reading on my bed as a child, was "Get up off that bed, stop reading, and go and do something useful" (meaning housework). So I think you are eminently sensible to rest in the evenings.  Resting after being triggered has got to be beneficial. 

[Lillian]

Thank you, BluePalm  I definitely know that feeling of needing to be "useful." I constantly have to remind myself that resting or doing something creative or doing nothing even is still "useful" in a different way. I used to read a lot as a child as well, and I found it surprising that adults could become angry with me about that. I'm glad you've found some peace in your life and are able to get the rest you deserve. 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Lovely... Yes rest is sooo important I am releasing more as I get older.
Currently being referred to a cfs clinic and so I'm now in a place where I am paying attention more than ever of a slower pace, pacing and not being driven by a mind that tells me to keep doing.
I'm blessed I don't work and so I have this opportunity in my life to really change the programme.
I used to be so annoyed with myself when I was working that I'd just lay on my bed, or lay down after a shift. Now I see it would have been much more self loving to accept that is what I needed and that's why it happened. Doing is so over rated

[Just Hatched]

Reading these lists is triggering me because I'm realizing just how many of these I share, I could say almost anything could trigger me these days, but I'm better than I was a few years ago. At my worst I was triggered by seeing a spoon in the sink, a spot of dirt on a cupboard, seeing any kind of insect, hearing any human voice, any thought at all about the future. During that time I think I was in a permanent low level of EF and any sensory change would cause a spike.

I haven't always been as bad as I am today, since my breakdown from my last traumatic event, but triggers which I've had since childhood have been:
Injustice
Anger
Seeing anyone out of control, especially anyone being drunk
Babies
Loud voices
Authority
Certain people from my FOO

[Alice-In-Wonderland]

Unexpected smoke, sirens, flashing lights, firefighters

situations where I feel ignored, discounted or disregarded, disrespected..... like someone switching off the lights without considering whether I needed them, or turn off/on the radio/tv/the heat without considering my opinions/wishes, a very slight version of this can set off a cascade of "My feelings don't matter!" to the point of me feeling like a hostage with all of the physical reactions to go along such as, racing heart, shallow breathing, jittery nerves, twitches, panic

I have only recently come to understand these as EFs and it has made a huge difference to how I perceive both the situations themselves and my mystifyng 'over-reactions'

[Kizzie]

Your post Alice really resonated with me Alice so thought I'd post a bit about what helped me when I was badly triggered in an "I do not matter" situation.

When Trump got elected I was so triggered not because of his politics but his behaviour - clearly has NPD and able to demand constant attention so no escaping him and his N antics.  I'm a Canadian but we're inundated with American news so two years into his term I was suffering greatly in the face of his constant "No-one matters but me" messages.  I went for EMDR.  What came out was that he constantly triggered deep feelings/fear/anger of "I don't matter" and the traumatic feelings associated with being unsafe, invisible, not having any power or control I grew up with in a family rife with NPD.

The EMDR helped me to shift out of the constant triggering and all that came with that.  I have so much more distance and objectivity from his behaviour now.  Moreover I am coming to terms with the underlying grief of being made to feel I did not matter now that I see it clearly. 

I wasn't a fan of EMDR because the first two times I tried it were with a T who was inexperienced and it was more triggering than helpful, but the last time really was quite helpful. 

[Alice-In-Wonderland]

Thanks Krizzie (and fellow Canadian ) I actually tried doing a "news fast" for that exact reason. Still a challenge. But at least now I know that part of my response is my own "stuff" and that helps. Feeling at the mercy of a person or situation is a huge trigger for me. Thanks for being here.

[Kizzie]

 

[Jenny Blount]

My number one trigger is noise outside the home - particularly loud, thumping, aggressive noise. Latterly this has over spilled into sunny weather, too.....which to my addled thinking increases the likelihood of noise - sunny weather also adds to the teenage shame of hiding indoors because you think you're too fat for the beach.

Happy to say I had a huge insight recently which opened up the memory of my noise phobia. My shame is easing too - about bloody time.

[Barney]

anybody crying...for any reason...even frustration...yelling...coercive control...

[OceanStar]

Things that trigger me in no particular order:

A certain colour in a particular context

Sounds

Doorsways, the position of them in relation to things and often the sound of them opening and closing. Finding a seat in a restaurant in an ok place in relation to the door is sometime almost impossible.
Entering my church via the main door has become almost impossible. Online services have been great for me.

People in my personal space and some physical contact.

The smell of fuel.

Contact with family members.