What Helps with Your EFs?

[Kizzie]

Two questions for this thread are:

1)  What if anything do you do about triggers (positive/negative)?  (Avoid triggers; use prescribed medication; practice mindfulness and/or cognitive behavioral therapy exercises; numb self with alcohol/drugs; dissociate; grit teeth and carry on ...). 

2) Has anything helped you to reduce the intensity and/or frequency of your EFs?

[Lingurine]

1. I avoid triggers, take prescription meds, I'm also in therapy and learn to live with those EF's as good as I can, try to accept this and sometimes numb myself when it gets too bad.

2. What helps me is not to fight it too much because then it gets worse. I try to go to the source and find analogies with current events and events from my childhood. Try to cognitively understand that this happened in the past and not at this moment. This helps me cope better.

Hope this helps. How do you answer those questions for yourself?

Lingurine

[Dee]

Using my 5 senses to ground myself in the here and now.
My service dog.
Deep breathing.
Essential Oils.
Getting outside.
Musicals.  Chicago, Burlesque, Greece, Dirty Dancing...
Journaling
Talking to myself.  Affirmations.

[Three Roses]

Examination of the beliefs behind the EF. What brought on the EF? I examine the beliefs behind my reaction, and translate them into truths.

Telling myself, "I am here, it is now, I'm not there anymore, I have rights & the power to assert myself now."

[healmyfluxlife]

1. I use prescribed medication, I overeat, I check-out mentally - dissociate, I work, try to get away from what's triggered me, sleep, love on my animals, ask friends to keep me in touch with the reality of the here and now - who I am.

2. We moved away from my mother, the source of most of my triggers. Try to limit her visits (though she totally disrespects my requests), as an only child I've been unable to bring myself remove her entirely. Remaining in touch with my therapist even if I can't visit. Sending her a text, scheduling a visit, or just talking on the phone if it's hard to get away. Use cognitive tools as the others indicated - using my senses to bring me back to the present moment so I don't feel small and out of control.

[Healing Finally]

Hi Kizzie  - thanks for the question and appreciate the answers.

To be honest, I USED to drink heavily, and I knew I was self-medicating, but I didn't have any clue why.  I knew I was upset and it was truly engulfing me but I was not aware that I was dealing with being triggered.  I am so grateful I quit drinking 6 years ago, as it wasn't until 4 years after I stopped drinking that I became aware that I was suffering with cptsd.

AS I've shared in recent posts, now I'm just finally getting it when I'm in an EF and then I try and understand the source of what triggered me.  But I'm still very unclear as to why it continues on after I know what triggered me.  It's like I can't shake it.  That's why I sequester myself as I don't want to get triggered again.

I get really upset with myself so I think that has a lot to do with why I don't get past them.  I think I need to learn more compassion for myself and that will help.  I've been so used to taking the fall for others, and when I did I never felt any compassion for my hurting, I felt it was somehow necessary.  Crazy.

I have noticed when I'm out in nature, walking on the beach let's say, it really does all start to dissipate, that's where the self compassion comes in, but it is so hard for me to get there...

I was prescribed prescription meds YEARS ago for my "Bi-Polar Disorder", and they help I suppose with the triggers but I want to get off them now that I know it's not that my brain chemistry is wonky, it's just my reactions.

So much appreciate the support here...

[Donna]

I'm so sorry for your experiences w/ EF's.  The brain is involved w/ everything anyone has suffered in the past or is suffering in the present.  One thing that has helped me, besides asking the Lord for His guidance is the neurofeedback sessions.  Our brains need to be retrained.  You can find lots on NFB on youtube & google.

[CepheidVox]

• Allowing myself to feel feelings when they are triggered instead of pushing them down
• Going to therapy, talking about what I feel with my boyfriend
• Stuffed animals, sleeping, taking a warm bath; physical comforting
• Singing, colouring books
• My distress tolerance box

[M.R.]

I always knew I had flashbacks ever since my first therapist, but I have never known that there was even a such thing as emotional flashbacks. My current psychologist borrowed me the book, "The Body Keeps The Score" and even then I didn't connect the dots. But from reading the definition of what they are, it makes a lot of sense. But I fear it might be something else because I'm constantly in that state. Or it feels like I am.

Any who,

1. I have never really tried to avoid them, but I guess its hard to avoid something you don't know about. Haha...I have always had this mentality that no body cares, so I am one to grit and deal with them. But I have also eaten, isolated, and turned to music. Music has been a reliable source for me. Sometimes it does make it worse and those times I normally cry, but I always feel better afterwards.

2. The one thing that helped me right out of the situation was when I was doing EMDR. I was having so many 'regular' flashbacks that I was in such a state of caos that I literally couldn't function. It helped take them away. I still have flashbacks but by no means are they even close to how bad they were. But other than that nothing has really helped.

(A side note...Where I am currently living with my father there is a woman that looks like my mother, about 90-95% from what I can tell. I have never been able to take a close look. And every time I see her she triggers me. Its horrible. And its not just me either. My father has a hard time looking at her. He thinks she looks like my mother also. Although he's at least able to talk to her. And he's let this woman know my reason for ignoring her, and she tries to avoid me now. So at least she's aware and trying to help. I feel bad though...)

Melodie

[woodsgnome]

Avoidance, avoidance, avoidance...reluctance to do anything socially, or even get needed groceries/supplies. I purposefully designed my life in a very rural area to feed my avoidance. I did have jobs which kept me 'socialized' to an extent, but was always anxious to get away. Even being told how valuable I was would't keep me around more than I absolutely had to.

I could teach a course on Avoidance 101...but I doubt I'd be able to show up.

[ah]

These are such good questions, thanks!
I don't know but I'll try to think them through...

1. Grit my teeth and hope to tolerate them... in the past I used to self medicate, self harm, sleep, now I just keep dissociating. If I can! Most of the time though it feels like I often don't dissociate nearly enough when I'm in a lot of pain, my mind is far too present.

I have no idea what to do with triggers yet. They overwhelm me too quickly, it feels instantaneous. It feels like they're in my head, not outside, and sometimes non stop (like these days). There's no gap where I can recognize anything.

The main thing I've done in the past few years is isolate myself. It helped because it enabled me to start seeing my own habits in relating to people, but it's also really painful. It was a desperate decision.

2. I always knew I had flashbacks but didn't know enough about them, so I also had no way to resist them. Though it may be more complicated because I not only have flashbacks, I also have flashpresents (does that work as a word??) because my abuse is ongoing.
Anyway I used to submit to them. I'd recognize them and think "Oh no... here we go" and put my head down and wait till they run their course. I still do that most of the time.

But lately I'm using mindfulness more. Last night I couldn't sleep at all, I was in agony. I thought I'd try mindfulness, so I started recognizing what was going on and labeling it without judgment: "There's a lot of pain right now" 'etc. and it helped, it got me through the night. I noticed it also works like a buffer, it "insulates" me from flashbacks better, they're less intense. But it requires daily maintenance, which takes strength, which isn't always there. So... not easy.

Distracting myself also helps sometimes.

Ideally, talking to a friend would help too, if they're kind. A new habit I have recently is to come here and read the forums.

[Gwyon]

As many have been saying, learning to be present with them and not resist them. Recognizing and embracing the concept that Pain + Resistance = Suffering.

The concept and book "Radical Acceptance" (Tara Brach) has been particularly helpful to me in learning to sit with and be compassionate towards my EF's. (Honestly, I didn't identify them as EF's until just recently).

Tara Brach uses the acronym RAIN: Recognize, Allow, Investigate,  Nurture.
This had been useful to me. She describes it in this podcast: www.tarabrach.com/dissolving-trance-rain/

[Resca]

As a few people have already mentioned, avoidance is key. Starting to separate myself from the NM and things that bring her to mind is the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's a process and the process, itself, has brought up a lot of emotions, but day-to-day is much easier.

CBT has been helping. I use the Pacifica app to work on recognizing cognitive fallacies and correcting them. Taking that step back to analyze the EF helps.

Unfortunately, sometimes the EFs happen when I don't have the time or ability to really sit with them (like at work... ) so I have this one album that I keep on hand at all times. It's Strange Trails by Lord Huron. I know every single word by heart these days and I find that singing along if I can play it or just singing it to myself reroutes my brain because I can't focus on lyrics and the EF at the same time.

[Blueberry]

I can't write all sorts about EFs all in one go, I start blanking. Recently I commented to another poster that it sounded as if she or he had been in a longish-term EF. Today I realised that I came out of a few days' worth of EF in the course of the day.

How do I know? Things are easier. How did I do it? / What helps? I don't really know, it sort of happens when I'm ready internally. My T has acknowledged that this can be the case. The types of therapy I did before trauma therapy focussed very much on being accountable and there were often comments like "You must know how you got back into a 'normal', good state" but all I could repeat was that it seemed to just happen. Fighting the EF beforehand, going through all the steps I knew, didn't help. sometimes they exhausted me terribly too, so it didn't seem worth it since I had a lot of problems with exhaustion then.  I just had to wait it out. 

[Blueberry]

Quote from: Blueberry on September 24, 2017, 10:27:16 AM from Recovery Letters [after having written a Letter to FOO to not send]
    "What I do feel in addition is relief. I have a bit more energy again, I'm looking after myself better, I have more motivation to do things I think I ought to or even things I want to. My therapist says that when I block emotions or expression of those emotions, I block a lot of other stuff too."

So that's an answer for myself: attacking the past bit by bit. Keeping at it. Showing those festering sores for what they are: lies. FOO lies. Not my truth. I have a different truth.

A bit like what Three Roses wrote: I have the power to assert myself now, even if FOO will never see or comprehend. I comprehend, and in doing so, I'm strengthening my boundary. I'm learning to not care so much what FOO thinks or may think. While I comprehend and strengthen my boundary, some of my ICs and ITeens are beginning to comprehend too. They're moving further along the road of realising that the past is past. Things are safer! Those FOO people are becoming less and less relevant.