New Here (:

Started by katiecg, July 22, 2017, 03:15:41 AM

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katiecg

Hello  :)

I just discovered this forum and I'm so excited to have a place to talk about CPTSD and meet other people who have it too.
A little about me:

My name is Katie, I'm 19 years old, and I've been struggling with CPTSD since I was about 14. I have various sources of trauma, but the start of it all began when I was 4 years old. For some reason it's hard for me to explain my trauma but I think I can do it if I just put in into categories. My trauma categories are father/daughter relationships, abandonment (along with isolation, neglect  & bullying), emotional abuse, family trauma, sexual trauma, and an event in childhood that centers around physical safety of myself and loved ones that resulted in childhood separation anxiety but transformed into anxiety and panic attacks about this specific subject as I got older. Hopefully you can understand me and relate to me more if I share with you my diagnoses. I'm not big on labels, but I think diagnoses are healthy because they help you understand, they inform others, and they present a base for recovery and treatment planning and modalities.

With CPTSD, you have a lot of symptoms and things that can manifest as other things. What I mean is, having such a complex condition, it can manifest in different symptoms such as chronic fatigue syndrome, depression etc. But the root of all my problems except for my panic attacks, depression, OCD, and ADHD, is my trauma. Anyway, I'm diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, Dysthmia (a form of depression), panic attacks, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (I combine that with Adrenal Fatigue), Anorexia, and a learning disability. Having all of these things sometimes makes me feel like a walking mental health virus and basket case, but I know that  these are just terms that help put symptoms into categories and are just things I've developed to cope.

I've been in a lot of therapy since I was about 14 , but none of that helped. I was diagnosed with CPTSD in November or December of 2016, can't remember lol. Since finding out about CPTSD, I've been relieved because I finally understand myself and why my life has been and is the way it is. I'm currently seeing one therapist who helps me with energy healing. I feel very lost, overwhelmed, and at times helpless and hopeless about recovery. I'm overwhelmed with the complexity of it, how to go about healing, is true healing possible, and all the problems that come from CPTSD and how to make sure it all gets fixed. CPTSD has taken over my life and completely transformed who I am. I need an intensive recovery that I know will take years. I'm looking for another therapist who is well informed in CPTSD and has experience treating it. But for now, I try to stay positive about treatment, teach myself how to do self-care, and focus on the energy healing I'm doing now.

I joined this forum to gain support, find others to relate to, find tools for recovery, vent about my recovery and trauma, and help others. CPTSD is a very isolating condition and I feel like most people cannot understand, even the people closest to you.

I'm sorry this has been so long!! Thanks for the support, and I hope I can return the favor.  :)

Katie
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Three Roses

Hello and welcome, Katie. Not feeling up to saying more but I wanted to make sure you were welcomed and let you know you'd been heard.

katiecg

Quote from: Three Roses on July 22, 2017, 03:40:36 AM
Hello and welcome, Katie. Not feeling up to saying more but I wanted to make sure you were welcomed and let you know you'd been heard.

Thanks so much, means a lot :)

Candid

Quote from: katiecg on July 22, 2017, 03:15:41 AM
With CPTSD, you have a lot of symptoms and things that can manifest as other things.

You are so right, Katie. I was misdiagnosed and mismedicated way too many times before CPTSD made it to the outer edge of the psychiatric map. And all of it is the mind's way of coping.

QuoteI'm overwhelmed with the complexity of it, how to go about healing, is true healing possible, and all the problems that come from CPTSD and how to make sure it all gets fixed.

I'm not surprised, looking at it from that perspective! All we can do is stick with what feels right and what doesn't, although many of us have boundaries issues and that means we're well (too well) accustomed to things feeling bad. You'll find the forum helps you to voice things and get different perspectives, little shafts of illumination.

QuoteI need an intensive recovery that I know will take years.

It isn't going to be like a big light switching on and never having any problems again. It really is an incremental thing, particularly if you chart your progress and make a point of noticing when you feel okay. We're all accustomed to the roller coaster, here. Having understanding company for the journey makes a world of difference.

QuoteI joined this forum to gain support, find others to relate to, find tools for recovery, vent about my recovery and trauma, and help others.

Yes, that's the point. I'm glad you found us! :heythere:

clarity

Hi Katie and welcome!

Wow...your post impressed me so much.  At 19 you have already such a handle on your position and that is such a big plus. At your age I was terribly ill with not a clue about any of it, convinced I was a freak, and it was just my own stupidity... never told a soul.

This forum is the best!!  So glad you found it. Its a journey we are all on together here....  :hug:

Dee



Welcome!

I think you will find people who can relate here and support you along your road to recovery.

I am diagnosed (officially) with CPTSD.  This saves me from having other diagnoses such as Dissociative Disorder (though I have been diagnosed while inpatient with that).  I am also diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anorexia along with a few more.  My therapist and psychiatrist try not to give me too many labels.  They said I don't need any more.  That is the beauty of the CPTSD diagnosis, it can encompass many ones.  I'm telling you this to say, you are not alone.

:hug: