A long time coming

[Minnow]

Hello all!

So I recently came to the conclusion that I have C-PTSD after a long, long period of denial and repression.  I experienced emotional abuse and neglect throughout my childhood from my mother, which extended into an overall toxic family dynamic.  Fortunately I have had no contact with her since I was 17, and I am 23 now.

Looking back, I always had trauma symptoms, but it has only been in the last year or so that the symptoms became really noticeable, particularly as I started experiencing what I now know to be emotional flashbacks.  I read everything I could get my hands on that might possibly help me out of the despairing mess I was in.  I came across Pete Walker's work and I was initially very resistant to the idea that I had C-PTSD, but the more I "leaned in" to the resistance, the more I found it rang true for me, and I came to the conclusion that there was no shame in being traumatised, especially not after what I have been through.

After coming to the realisation that C-PTSD may be the main source of these personal troubles, it was like dunking my head in ice water on a 40 degree day.  I felt calmer than I had in a long time.  I brought the idea to my counsellor, who all but confirmed it (her exact words were "I wouldn't challenge that at all" -- which I know is her way of saying "yes").  Now that I know what I'm working with, I feel I can better address these difficulties.  So here I am.

It's lovely to meet you all, and I look forward to supporting each other on our individual journeys to recovery!

[songbirdrosa]

Hi Minnow! You're most welcome here

You're right, there's absolutely no shame in being traumatised. We're all working through our pasts here, so there's a lot of help and support available. I hope it can be a place of healing for you as well!

[Lingurine]

Welcome Minnow,  knowing what you have can be a relief, so you can understand better what's going on. If you want to read more, another book recommended is: 'The body keeps the score' from Van der Kolk.

Hope to see more of you on the boards.

Lingurine

[Libby12]

Hi minnow.

I am sorry that you had such a rotten childhood at the hands of your mother.  I know exactly how you feel.  Well done for gaining such an understanding at such a young age. 

I am waiting for the book "The body keeps the score"  to be delivered.  You said you have done a lot of reading around your situation,  so you may have already read this.  Are there other books you would recommend?

All the best to you.

Libby

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Minnow     It certainly sounds like you are heading "out of the storm" and at a younger age than so any of us.  You know what it is you are dealing with, you have a supportive counselor, you are NC with your M (not that everyone needs to go NC, it just sounds like it was right for you), you're reading about the disorder, and you found your way here.  All good!          

[sanmagic7]

hi, minnow, and welcome,

very glad you made it here.  it does sound like since you released your denial, you've already come a long way.  kudos to you.  the people here have been very kind, caring, and supportive as well, a good addition, i think, to having a therapist who is also a good fit for you.  forward!  and a hug if you want it.   

[Minnow]

Hi minnow.

I am sorry that you had such a rotten childhood at the hands of your mother.  I know exactly how you feel.  Well done for gaining such an understanding at such a young age. 

I am waiting for the book "The body keeps the score"  to be delivered.  You said you have done a lot of reading around your situation,  so you may have already read this.  Are there other books you would recommend?

All the best to you.

Libby

I haven't actually read many books, just plenty of internet resources like the Centre for Clinical Interventions, DBT Self Help, countless blog posts, etc.

I found a book at my university's library called "Child Abuse Trauma: Theory and Treatment of the Lasting Effects" by John N. Briere that was immensely illuminating and validating.  It is written for therapists, though, rather than clients, but some might actually find that helpful.  I know I did.  I also found Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?" useful, though, as even though he talks specifically about abusive men in romantic partnerships, the things he talks about can pretty easily be generalised to any abusive person.  There's a free PDF you can find of it if you search the book title on Google.  I actually have not read "The Body Keeps the Score", though I probably should look into it!

The CCI and the DBT Self Help sites are great if you want to find practical ways to address your symptoms in the present, although bear in mind that these are based around both CBT and DBT.  They can sometimes address from a point of pathology, and as we know, C-PTSD is not a pathology per se, rather a normal response to an abnormal situation.

I feel resources from a feminist perspective to be great as well.  The societal subjugation of women is like the macrocosmic version of the subjugation we experienced in our own families, and outside of C-PTSD, is just useful to read in general to find out how we can better society.

Thank you everyone for your warm welcomes!