'blanking'

[purplegiraffe]

Have other people experienced this?  Asking something or saying something then being 'blanked' with no acknowledgement , texting and then waiting hours or a day(s) for a reply?  always texting replies when you've tried to ring them?  and when you ask if something is wrong they never admit that there is anything wrong. 

[Lingurine]

When I experience this with others or myself, mostly there are two possibilities IMO.
One is, the person is narcissistic, the other one is, the person is an introvert, afraid of the phone and feels more comfortable writing. I am in the last category 

Lingurine

[Blueberry]

Personally I find it way worse when the people don't get back to you at all whether by phone or email. For some of my experience with this, check Relationship with Others/Employment! That is being blanked with no acknowledgement. In these cases, I would have been glad if the person had got back to me with any method. Rather than me having to chase the person.

As Lingurine writes, some people may be afraid of the phone and prefer to write. I'm in this category too. Not always, but from time to time. Sometimes I can't do either very well, and may put off contacting somebody. I'm accepting of this generally I think when my friends do it to me and they in turn seem to accept it from me. In an EF, which can last several days, I may be capable of contacting only a very select number of people for personal phone calls / emails. So that's what I do.

[purplegiraffe]

Thanks for your replies Lingurine and Blueberry.

From what I experienced I don't think it was to do with being introverted. 

I guess the most noticeable way of blanking that I've been aware of is blanking with a stare - like staring through you or through space and not answering a question or responding to a point made.

[Lingurine]

Oh Yes, the stare...that sounds like a trait a narcissist would have. That can feel very uneasy, like you don't exist or the opposite, be very aware of your existence.
Ominous.

Lingurine

[clarity]

My mother used this method to invalidate.  especially after I  revealed something especially distressing me, for several days afterwards there would be radio silence... always she vanished when I needed her the most.  ( yahoo that I am writing this in the past tense!!!  she will not do this to me anymore as my new strategy is to REVEAL NOTHING...and take control). 

I was also ignored/blanked at school when I was bullied as an 8 yr old in my new school. Absolutely devastating.  It is the most powerful form of abuse ( known by science to kill potentially)   

Problem is, this has made me hypersensitive to being ''ignored''  which is something I have to work on still, as sometimes it is not being ignored at all, just my own warped perceptions. Learning gradually to be better at figuring out which it is!!  Have lost friendships over this.... 

[Kat]

For me, I guess it depends on the person and the situation. People have told me this is odd, but I can be talking on the phone with one of my sisters and the phone cuts out mid-sentence--hers or mine--and neither of us bother to call back.  With her, I know it's nothing to worry about.  We're just weird that way.  I doubt that's what's going on in your case, but it shows that people are quirky.

I worked with a woman who would do the stare when I said hello to her.  Got to know her better and realized she had some real issues--I suspected she had borderline personality disorder.

Recently, I glanced at a text from a friend.  Decided it would have to wait and then forgot about it completely.  When I finally "found" it again a day or so later, I felt awful.  She'd bought us tickets to a concert later this year.  I had to apologize to her and explain.  I know she must have felt like I was a big old ungrateful jerk.  That was just an innocent mistake.

I've also been the one to truly blank.  Sometimes it's reported back to me later and I have absolutely no recollection of it--like I was dissociated and didn't respond to something said to me.  Sometimes when I'm feeling triggered, I have trouble understanding what people are saying, so I blank. Other times, I'm feeling too low and self-loathing to respond to texts or emails.

I read a book about introverts a while back that said that it's common for introverts to think they've said something aloud when they really have only just said it in their head. 

If none of this resonates, then just chalk it up to them being inconsiderate jerks.   

[purplegiraffe]

Thanks for all your replies , which certainly gave me food for thought.  I think in some situations it has been a kind of 'controlling' blank , if that makes sense - in other words, sending the message that 'you don't matter' etc.  But other times I can see it could be for any number of reasons.

[Kat]

Ugh...the controlling blank is awful.  I think I know what you mean.  Is it where you're made to know there's a line that you should not cross or is it more like why are you talking to me, you're not worthy? 

[Blueberry]

I guess the most noticeable way of blanking that I've been aware of is blanking with a stare - like staring through you or through space and not answering a question or responding to a point made.

Thank you for the clarification. This is something different from what I wrote about.

This blanking you write about is very hurtful. I've experienced it in the past in FOO. It's been more in direct contact than via email or phone. I was in the room and I asked a question and was just ignored, treated as if I wasn't there. One SIL does this too. Not all the time, but often enough. Don't have any contact with her atm anyway. In her case it's the "you don't matter" / "you're not worthy of being spoken to" blanking.