hello :)

[deebee]

hi all -

i've just discovered OOTS but was a very active member of OOTF some years back, going through my "lightbulb moments", leaving and navigating an unnecessarily horrid divorce with 3 kids.  the 16 year relationship i escaped was emotionally, psychologically, financially and sexually abusive as my ex partner has some sort of PD - my guess would be covert narcissist, but i've long since given up trying to find the right label or even understand what goes on there 

i'm about 4 years into "parallel parenting" with 50/50 access and a strict "no contact" rule bar text and email.  this was of course challenging, not least for the kids having so much contact with a disordered individual, but working as close to "ok" as these thing can until a year ago when he decided to up sticks and move from the family home half a mile away from my flat to a very large and imposing house just 7 doors away.  moving away is not currently an option and since then the practicalities of the kids living between 2 homes have disappeared, but my c-ptsd, which i had really begun to think i was making headway with, has returned with a vengance. 

so here i am ... 

[Lingurine]

Hi deebee,  and welcome to OOTS. Coming from OOTF you probably gained a lot of insight on the matter PD's (as I did too). Here we focus more on healing and recovery from abuse. That gives more peace (to me) and less triggering posts.

That sounds hard, your x moving close to you and your children. Looks like a big trigger to me. I hope you can focus on yourself and not him though. See you on the boards.

Lingurine

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, deebee! I'm so sorry you're having to deal so closely with your N ex. It's early morning here and I'd like to say more but my brain needs caffeine. Hope to hear more from you.

[Dee]

Welcome!

I totally understand the "lightbulb moments" when deciding to get out of a bad marriage.  I was married 20 years with much of the same circumstances you described.  I have been divorced for one year.

Fortunately, my kids are older and the youngest one will be leaving home soon.  He is 17, but graduated early.  Then I hope to have him completely out of my life.  I also got sole custody which allowed me to ignore him for the most part.

It sounds to me that you have learned boundaries and put them in place as much a you can.  I can definitely see how your CPTSD has been challenging.  You are still being abuse in a way.  Just seeing my ex is a bad experience.

I think you will find support and understanding here.   

[Kizzie]

Hi and welcome DeeBee     I can only imagine your CPTSD has blown up with his moving so close.    In addition to coming here, you might want to consider going back to OOTF for help and support dealing with him being so close and trying to permeate your boundaries constantly.  Solid boundaries and medium chill will be needed to be certain, but also they have some tools on talking to children about these situations that may be helpful if you haven't seen it already.  How old are your children?

Here is a great place to talk about all the feelings/symptoms this is causing - we definitely get it , why EFs/anxiety, etc occur and have some info and support we can offer in that respect. One question I have is did your CPTSD develop as a result of living with your ex or was it from childhood?   (Just asking to see what "layers" of trauma you may be dealing with.)

Keep on posting, it can help as you no doubt found at OOTF some years back.