New here but have a big problem

[They tried to brake me]

Hi, I am glad I found this forum. I wondered if anyone experiences a total shut down emotionally when a person close to you says something hurtful. This happens to me frequently. I have been away from my abusers for over 30 years, but I still struggle. I spent the first 26 years of my life being terrorized by my mother, ex-husband as well as my foster father. The was physical, sexual, imprisonment, and two attempts on my life. It seems that after all these years I would be able to move on, but now and the, usually during an argument with my husband of 32 years, he may say something and then I totally have a strange phenomenon happen to me. I seem to lose all my feelings for a few days. I mean there is nothing inside me, not happy or sad just empty, blank - I sort of go on auto-pilot. Has anyone else experienced this and if so how do you come back out of it? Thank you for listening.

[Hope66]

Hi 'They tried to brake me',
Welcome to the forum.  I am so sorry that you experienced so much in the first 26 years of your life - that is a lot to deal with, and I'm glad you've found your way here, as hopefully you'll find this forum helpful and supportive.

I haven't got any advice to offer, except to say that I do experience reactions when someone says something hurtful - and I can dissociate from my feelings - both literally and also using food and other things to distance myself.

I do relate to the 'auto-pilot' thing you're mentioning - and I think there are ways to ground yourself and bring yourself out of it - maybe focusing on things in the environment - I've found that counting things around me, or noticing the texture of things can help me to feel more in the moment again.

Hope you are ok and hope to see you around in the forum.  It is a really supportive place.

Hope 

[sanmagic7]

hi, they tried,

welcome.  i'm glad you found us.  i, too, have experienced a lack of emotions that may take me days to figure out what i was feeling.  this has happened to me not only in certain situations, such as you describe, but also in general for most of my life. 

i'm just beginning to work on finding my feelings.  sometimes, if i have the time, space, and energy, i will just be still and think about what's going on with my body, where i'm feeling a disturbance, and looking to link that with an emotion.   the work has paid off, as i'm often more able to find that link and feel the emotion itself.

best to you with this.  i'm so very sorry you've gone thru all that.  such trauma can force our emotions into hiding as a survival mechanism.  so, to my mind, can anything that re-triggers us.  hope to see you around.  this place has afforded me so much kindness, caring, and support, just what i'd needed all my life.  i hope you get what you need as well. 

[Candid]

Finding our feelings takes a lot of courage. I think I've been on auto-pilot for a very long time.

[Blueberry]

I don't know what my feelings are today either. Sometimes it's easier not to feel. I used to be like this a lot more often and for longer spells.

[They tried to brake me]

Hi I don't know how to respond, but I wanted to thank everyone who replied. I've never been involved with ant other people who understand and this is very nice to get responses- it's like someone really has walked a mile in my shoes. If anyone has any tips on how to comment on threads that would be great. Perhaps I can help someone else. Thank you all again

[Three Roses]

 

Go to the last entry on a thread, and look for a leftward-pointing arrow. Click on it and it should bring up a new window for your reply. Any other problems, just ask!