New here: dealing with the long term effects of NC with FOO

[Combine59]

Hi,  I'm new to this site, but have been a member of OOTF for a while. Now that I recognize the abuse that happened as a child of parents with PD, I think I'm dealing with the effects of CPTSD. So I'm more OOTF, but now I'm dealing with the pain. Overall I think I've been doing pretty well. Going to therapy, practicing yoga and mindfulness, taking care of myself and my own family with two young kids. Some days are harder than others and I think I need some more support. Today's theme is sadness. Maybe it's the rain, maybe talking to my grandmother triggered me (oh the guilt trips of not seeing her often enough, and not "letting bygones be bygones" with her daughter, who let my father abuse us and did not make him responsible), or going to a movie. Is anyone else affected by going to the movies? Sometimes I feel so raw. Like old wounds were uncovered and I feel achy, with a heavy weight on the chest and have a hard time expressing this. Thanks for listening. Wish you all the best in your recovery.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Combine59! Glad to have you with us

[Libby12]

Hi combine59.

It seems as if we have followed a similar path here.   I had been nc with foo for about four years (actually it was more their decision,  when I stood up to them) when I found the OOTF website.   It really helped, but I felt that there was still so much emotional pain,  that felt so physical at the same time,  that I started to look at c-ptsd and came here.  I know just what you mean when you talk of the aching and heaviness and how hard it is to put into words. It's an awful feeling but reading here has helped me see these feelings as emotional flashbacks.   Just understanding more about my feelings has really helped.   I hope you find this too.

It's interesting that you mention movies. I realised that I avoid them and prefer more factual,  real life based programmes.  I find I just don't have the energy or capacity or commitment for a movie.   Perhaps this is a reflection of c-ptsd?   Having said that,  I am gripped by anything that deals with power and abuse where the abuser is found out and dealt with.   It doesn't take an expert in trauma to work that one out!!

I have a good FOC,  but no one to talk to who really understands. (My dd does, but I don't want to burden her too much). So it is so good to read and talk here.  I hope it helps you as well.

Best wishes

Libby.

[Candid]

Good to have you here, Combine59. I too am long estranged from FOO, and I know how that keeps tripping us up. When those old wounds are exposed, I choose to believe we are in a position to heal them permanently. They keep cycling through until we find the strategy that works for us.

It sounds as though you're doing very well in caring for yourself and your family. I hope you'll give yourself a pat on the back for that, because acknowledging the things we get right strengthens us against the things we do less well.

We may get through all these blips before we snuff it, we may not, but the process is the adventure. I aim for incremental improvement rather than a nebulous catch-all 'cure'. I don't know what that would look like.

I wish you all the best in your recovery, too.

[Lingurine]

Hi Combine59  and welcome. Same here, realizing my wounds need more care at a safe place like this, at OOTS, more focus on the recovery path instead of (over) analysing what went wrong, more attention for feelings, sort of, working on us...

Lingurine

[Combine59]

Thanks Everyone for your kind words! Lingurine, exactly. A space for recovery is important now that I understood what went wrong and I realize I'm not crazy. Candid, thanks for reminding me to recognize the growth that has happened. Certain days are harder to do that. Every day a bit better is much more manageable than a cure-all.
Libby, we do sound like we are from similar backgrounds. I'm trying to work in feelings. For so long I was told that my own don't matter, so it's taking a lot of work to just pay attention! It can be exhausting. I also love movies where a strong (preferably female) character is able to stand up to an abuser/situation. I also have an excellent FOC. My husband doesn't quite get it, but he's supportive and trying to learn. My kids are too young to understand, but are such a welcome joy and distraction at times. Can't stay in my head too long with them around.

Thanks for your kind words. Nice to have support.