Dilemma

[NotSoSupergirl]

Long story short: over 2 years of EMDR therapy (overall almost 15 years of therapy), started working again (volunteer work) half a year ago. Whenever I encounter stress at work, it puts me back in the past.  I go into some kind of state where I can't tell the difference between then and now and feel a lot of anxiety and despair. It always takes me a while to come back to my life right now. At this point I don't know what to do anymore: keep on working and hoping it gets better, that I will adjust, or quit working so my days don't have these major downs. I want to do what it takes to recover, but I don't know what the best option is.

[Three Roses]

Having trouble with language at the moment but I wanted to give you a proper welcome! I'll be thinking of your question and trying to come up with some input. Thanks for joining.

[Kat]

Is it something about the specific type of work you're doing or the place or people or just the stress of doing the job in general?  I think I can relate to the state you described, and it's not a fun place to be.  It's very disorienting.  Would you feel comfortable letting someone you work with know what happens who could maybe support you during those times?  I'm sorry it's so tough.

[Three Roses]

See if this applies to how you're feeling:

http://www.gostrengths.com/what-is-an-amygdala-hijack/

[Three Roses]

Feeling a little better with language today so I thought I'd come back to this.

What you describe does sound like dissociation, which can be brought on by an emotional flashback or EF. It is disconcerting and has made me feel abnormal in the past.

An EF is brought on by the triggering of our defensive systems on a subconscious level, in the brain's amygdala. EF's are not necessarily brought on by anything we are consciously thinking (although I'm sure that can exacerbate them). They are mostly involuntary.

An EF will most likely cause us to have one of four reactions - Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn. These were what enabled us to survive our initial traumatic injuries but over time become dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

Here's more on the subject and also how to combat an EF to keep it from overwhelming us - http://www.pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm

Thanks for posting, I look forward to hearing more from you.

[NotSoSupergirl]

Thanks for the welcoming and reactions :-)

I have been doing some research and it seems that what I'm experiencing are indeed EFs. Realizing this was a big relief, since I now know that what happens still has to do with the past, and does not directly relates to what happens in the present. Perhaps hard to explain, but for me it feels that way.

In the next weeks I have appointments with my therapists and psychiatrist, so hopefully it will become clearer for me what to do with work.

I was not in a good place when posting this, but now things are looking a bit better again!

[Candid]

I now know that what happens still has to do with the past, and does not directly relates to what happens in the present.

It makes a big difference, doesn't it? Onward and upward!