Denial

[Kat]

I got a text from one of my sisters with a link to an article about a big research study being done on depression and bipolar disorder.  Even though our mother has severe borderline disorder, my sister believes any depression anyone in the family experiences is simply an inherited chemical imbalance. 

So, my borderline mother had four children in a span of four years.  I am the youngest.  My father was not the type to help out with diapers and such.  My maternal grandmother died from colon cancer when I was about two years old.  My mother often talked about being the only one to take care of her while she was dying. 

A perfectly sane person would have had a time of it trying to care for a dying mother and four children under five.  I know I can't do anything about it, but the way my sisters minimize what happened to us is frustrating and infuriating. 

I texted back saying that my bouts of depression are symptoms of complex-ptsd which is a developmental disorder.  But then I  added "I guess the resulting brain development could be similar to that of people with chronic depression--low serotonin and all that."  She said a genetic test would tell you if that's true.  BUT IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH GENETICS.

Sorry.  I'm just angry at the level of denial and also the way in which I'm completely misunderstood.

[Three Roses]

When things like that are said to me I feel completely dismissed. I feel sad, angry, and hopeless that anyone will ever really understand. I feel like there are groups for this, groups for that, and I'm out alone in the cold.

That is, until I found this forum. Interacting with you all has made me feel understood and valued. I'm one of a tribe now. 

[Minnow]

It is so frustrating to have people invalidate the effects our past experiences and traumas have on us now.  It makes me feel weak and broken for having CPTSD, like there is something wrong with my brain or my very self, not the way I was raised or treated.  I'm sure other people here feel the same way, so know you are not alone in this.

The reality is, there's still a lot we don't know about mental health, particularly how mental health issues develop in the first place.  I did learn something interesting in class recently -- we have a set of genes for our personality that are inherited, but our environment dictates whether or not these genes are expressed.  So a person could have a "depressive" gene, but if they're raised in a loving, caring environment, that gene doesn't get expressed and thus, won't manifest in the person's behaviour.  Maybe you could text that to your sister...!

[Lingurine]

Good one, Minnow 

Kat, I think it's common for us to feel like a victim. I find there lies true power in not accepting we are victims all the time. We can heal, we have to do the work, but we are not destined to stay in a severe state of CPTSD mind forever. I do think we can heal great parts of ourselves. There is hope.

Lingurine