I told them *small TW*

[sanmagic7]

dee, i'm sorry i'm so late here.  got caught up in daughter stuff and missed this.

first, i want to tell you that i echo everyone else about your courage and strength in doing this.  i think you really did good.

second,    TW   an example from my own experience.  my ex, the father of my daughters, is a sex addict, and has been inappropriate with them.  from what i know, it's been words and thoughts only.  d#1 told me about some of it, i knew of some of it from when she was young and took it to therapy.  that was the icky t, who only told him his behavior was 'inappropriate'.

d#2 knew nothing of any of it.  d#1 told me sexual stuff he'd said about d#2, and told me i could tell her.  i'd already told d#1 that if she was with him and she got those icky feelings/vibes off him, to leave that space, get away from him.  she also began wearing different, bulkier clothing when around him.

i was visiting d#2 for a week and knew that i had to tell her, to protect her.  she was in her late 20's, and was devastated.  i gave her the same advice as i gave d#1.  they've both decided they want to have him in their lives.   a few times in the past few years it's come up with d#2, and she immediately says she doesn't want to talk about him.  she's in her mid-30's now, and has the same attitude.

a few weeks ago, the subject came up again, she told me that d#1 had recanted her story.  i told d#2 that i had confronted him and he didn't deny it.  she immediately said that she didn't want to talk about him.

i guess with kids, they have to take their own time to process such intense information.  yours said they'd rather not learn about it from the internet.  i think that's what you need to remember and know - they would want to hear it from you.  you did the right thing for them.  they asked their questions, and they need to sit with it for now.   

you followed up with them, got their responses.  that's probably all they're able to do for now.  it may come up again sometime in the future, and i think it best to follow their lead.    you did good, dee, did what was important for them.  my own d is wrestling with this still, and she's older.  it will work out.   i have to have faith in that for my own situation, so i have faith in that for yours.  it will be ok.  much love and a big hug for you.

[Dee]

Sometimes it is just nice to hear that you did good and it's not your fault.  Thank you.

[Blueberry]

Dee, you did good! They wanted to know from you rather than from the Internet. You let them know.

None of it's your fault. It's the fault of your F.  to you.