Spouse's Memory Issues

[AnchorintheStorm]

I'm the spouse of someone with CPTSD and his memory issues are one of the biggest problems. I wonder how much other sufferers can say about their memory loss because if you can't remember something, you may not even realize you have forgotten. Here's some of the issues my husband has to show you the breadth of the memory issues he is having. It's not like people who forget their keys or somesuch at all.

• I feel as if the memory of the past 23 years of his life is very foggy and that he is living more in his childhood. This is clearly manifested to me in the things he does NOT say anymore. He had certain phrases and lines he used to use with me ALL the time. Many of these he simply has not uttered since he has fallen into this state a year and a half ago. Even negative statements he used to make, he simply does not say them anymore.
• Sometimes his memory winds up reversing things or is projection. For example, he saw something that needed fixing and asked me if HE should fix it (I don't know how to do it myself and he knows that). I told him he should go ahead and fix it. A few weeks later, he said to me, "I told you to fix xyz, why haven't you done it?" Perhaps he felt bad about not having done it but he projected it on me?
• There is a very sensitive matter between us, something he has not been doing lately and he knows it upsets me more than anything. He actually sat here and told me, "I did xyz MANY times." He actually did it only 3 times in the last 9 months and this is a factual matter, not one of opinion. I think he actually really believed what he was saying because to believe otherwise would mean he was being really neglectful toward me and he can't face himself.
• He can get in a very agitated state and not remember it AT ALL. One Friday he tried to create trouble between me and his mother. It wasn't working and actually what he was trying to do was so ironic that I laughed at him. He was acting like a big drama queen and got very annoyed. A week later something came up that reminded me of what had happened and I mentioned it to him. He had NO MEMORY of the whole incident. NONE. I recounted what happened and he laughed as if I was telling him a story about someone other than himself.
• The very same evening I told him what he had done the previous week, he got very upset and swore he was not going to eat some fish I had in the freezer. That if I tried to serve it to him, he would feed it to the dog. I figured he would not remember this incident either. So two days later I told him if he brought some lemons and parsley, I would cook the fish. He said he would, but it took a few days for him to bring the stuff. But clearly he had forgotten he swore he would not eat it. Then after he did, he asked me one night whether I planned to cook the fish the next day because he wanted to confirm for sure. I said I would. Still not remembering what he swore. The next morning I got up, cleaned the fish, put it in the marinade, and then when I mentioned the fish to him, suddenly he said he remembered he swore he would not eat the fish and he refused to eat it. There was still half in the freezer after that and he vacillated about what to do with it for months and was very agitated by the whole thought of it, even though it was his favorite type of fish. The remainder eventually did go to the dog because it was too old anymore. 
• I asked him to buy me something. There are two kinds of this thing, expensive and flimsy and cheap and sturdy. I told him to bring the latter, and explained to him why even. He came home with the former. He was so upset when I told him I had told him to bring the opposite, he swore I had not told him such a thing and we were shouting at eachother about it.
• His mother had an old stove that we converted to a bbq by stripping out all its parts. He did it together with me. A few months later, he offered to his mother to bring back the stove for her to use, not realizing that it wasn't just sitting outside unused, it was stripped to the point of being unusable as a stove anymore. I didn't correct him on this one.
• He is studying for his masters exams now. He told me he is having memory problems. He said when he finishes studying one subject and switches to another he forgets what he studied previously. He rattled off a list of the subjects he is studying, one of them was "psychology". He's not studying "psychology," not even "psychiatry". I pointed this out to him. He claims he had this memory problem when he was studying before, but he NEVER complained about it before to me so I have my doubts.

[Kat]

Anchorinthestorm, in my experience memory issues that correspond with CPTSD are not as severe and perplexing as what you've described.  I may be wrong and others can set me straight. 

My memory issues are similar to what Deb described where I realize that I am possibly forgetting something.  I'll "forget" whether I've done some task or not.  Or, it could be that I'm aware that I can't recall what happened the night before.  It's a blank.  But, with some reminders it usually comes back to me and I can recall most of what went on. 

[Deb]

Anchorinthestorm, the memory issues you've described aren't what I'm having. I agree with Kat that they seem more severe than 'just CPTSD'. 

[Blueberry]

Deb, what you've posted at the top of the thread, that's the type of thing I have trouble with too. It seems common to CPTSD, even if not every one is posting that it is.

Anchor, I agree with Deb and Kat that what your are experiencing with your husband is not typical CPTSD.