I think I have CPTSD how do I get a diagnosis?

[Firsttymemommy]

Hello, I believe that I have CPTSD that has occurred in adulthood. Long story made short.... I've been married to my husband for 22 years. From day one, his Mother has been horrible. The movie Monster in law doesn't even begin to describe the torment this woman has put me through. 2 years ago, I made the horrible mistake of believing that she had changed her ways and allowed my in-laws to move in with us. They moved in and 30 days after, I found out my Dad had terminal cancer. My inlaws lived with us for a year and during that year, along with my Dad's illness, my mother in law efficiently showed she had not changed but in fact escalated her game. The lies, manipulation, gas lighting, victimizing herself, everyday was constant stress from some issue this woman created in my home. On top of the stress with dealing with my Dad's illness and eventually the loss of my Dad. My inlaws finally moved out after I reached a breaking point and it was either her or me that was leaving.

However, the effects of this extremely stressful time have certainly taken its toll on me. I've spent a year in a very deep depression. I couldn't think, focus, slept all the time, didn't clean my house for an entire year, was just going through the motions of life.  I'm trying to dig myself out of it now, but it has been hard. I've made it very clear to my husband that I do not want her around me or my child, but I still don't feel safe. I feel like she can come waltzing back in to my life at any moment and it makes me panick when I think about it. She calls him and I start feeling like I can't breathe, like I'm suffocating. I've shut everyone out of my life, I rarely leave the house and if there are crowds, I get very anxious. I want to move far away, because I feel like I can't escape her, even though she lives 2 hours away, it's too close for comfort. She's only a short drive away and sometimes I feel like she could be standing in my driveway when I pull in and it terrorizes me.

I don't know what to do or where to start. Can someone give me some advice??

[Kat]

Wow! I'm sorry to know of your troubles. It sounds absolutely awful. I can't even imagine.

My mother suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. I haven't spoken to her in years, but I recall the dread of phone calls from her.

I'm not in the same situation as you, but I believe you . I believe how awful it's been. This is no small thing. I hope you know that.

Please keep us posted.

[Dee]

First, I want to welcome you.  I find this forum very supportive.

I was diagnosed by a therapist.  Not every one here has a diagnosis, it isn't necessary.

I don't have any advice to give.  For me therapy is necessary.  I do understand not feeling safe.  I use to worry that a relative of mine, who lived four hours away, would show up.  I would have to push the thoughts out of my head or it would turn to panic.  Sometimes moving (if possible) isn't a bad option.  It is something I am considering now.  I have learned calming and grounding techniques with a therapist.  I feel supported and validated.  It's in therapy that I learned that moving is okay, if that is what it takes for me to feel safe.

[Firsttymemommy]

We've talked about moving, hubby has a very good job and we talked about transferring. At the time, he was all for it but he's not taken any action steps toward that and it's been 6 months. He changes the subject when I bring up. I'm thinking that he was being supportive in the beginning because he thought I'd change my mind, and now that I haven't he thinks if he takes no steps toward doing it, that it will just go away. I truly believe that the reason he doesn't want to move is because he's not ready to give up on his mom and thinks that there will be opportunity in the future to bring her back into our life. Which, gives me knots in my stomach to just type that.

I saw a therapist a few times during the storm, but not after they moved out or after my Dad passed. I thought things would get better. They have in a way, but the effects have not gotten better and some days I feel like they get worse. I just don't want to live my life with the fear of her someday waltzing back in and things being much worse than they were. I'm not sure I could survive another attack from her. My therapist said from the things that both my husband and I had told him about her, he felt like she was a classic narcissist but couldn't say for sure without seeing her.

She recently did something that endangered his Dads life to try to pull hubby back into her web. She called, he went and I had a panick attack the whole time he was gone. He came back, but he hasn't been the same and that scares me. She is a master manipulator. Most people think she is the kindest person, but they don't know the real her. She manipulates everyone around her and even strangers. And she knows she's doing it and when things don't go her way, she escalates the situation. For example.... the last Christmas I had with my Dad, we had Christmas breakfast with her at the house and planned to have Christmas dinner with my Dad. We all knew it'd be the last Christmas with him, he was very sick. She didn't want us to go, so she caused a scene at the breakfast table. She accused my 10 yr old son of trying to strangle her 2 weeks prior. Said he put his hands around her throats and she feared for her life. I knew my son wouldn't do that, it's not the type of boy he is, but hubby went off. It was a huge blow up, we were still here at the time we were supposed to be having dinner. Her comment was "Well I guess your too late to go to your Dads now, I'll cook dinner" I got things together and told hubby I was leaving with or without him. 2 days later, after hubby and I had discussed the incident calmly, he decided we should confront her, when we did, she admitted it was a lie. That is just a small example of the type of turmoil she has put me and my family through.  There wasn't a day that she lived here that she didn't attempt to minipulate us and she's still trying to manipulate hubby. He's not very good about decerning what is true and what isn't from her and I don't trust him around her to keep me and my son safe from her.

[Three Roses]

i am so sorry to hear what you have gone thru, and continue to go through. it's my opinion that with the circumstances you've described, a professional therapist is the way to go. there is a whole section under our Resources/Downloads tab for finding competent, trauma-informed medical help - check some of these out for more info.

http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/

Good luck to you and your hubby! I hope you keep posting and reading here. I look forward to hearing more from you

[serene]

I understand how you feel. I have been married for two years and am already going no contact and distancing from my mother in law. I can tell that shes a gossip and a liar as well as someone who is too eager to meddle in my marriage. In order to protect my emotional well being it is important to distance from such people.
As for getting a diagnosis, I have been in therapy for about two years prior to getting married and the therapist felt sure that what I was struggling with was CPTSD.

[JamesG]

sigh, too familiar I'm afraid. Sounds a lot like CPTSD, not suprising if it is. What the f!@£$%^ is wrong with these people? What makes them do it? Anyhow, the thing is that they do, and it isn't you. Wether it is C-PTSD or not, the thing is that you have been under attack and trapped with it, something that I found myself with my four horsemen. My advice is to step back, make a list of what is reasonable nd unreasonable behaviour and you will soon see how off the wall they are. Armed with that you can make a stand, as you have before (well down) and get your own life back on track. NARCS love obligation, duty and responsibility, not for themselves, but as a trap for other people. Don't fall for that, unreasonable behaviour should not have to be endured and you have every right to pull the plug on people that do you damage. Normal happy life is a right, grab it, take it and defend it.

[Andyman73]

Something else to consider is DH lack of willingness to put you first over himself. I am fortunate enough that my MIL is decent towards me and manages to keep her comments aaay from me. Wife, my dear CN doesn't, she's always been super quick to tell me any negative comment others have to her about me...including my own parents. I know I will never be a good enough husband. I know I will never meet her or her mother's standards.
I do hope you can get some relief from that scary mil of yours.

[EP]

I was diagnosed by a therapist. I'm so sorry this is going on with you. I feel you so much. My mother in law hates me. She is not anything like your mother in law though. It's my husband who does. His sister was my best friend and his parents were like parents to me. I've developed a bad alcohol problem and that's all they see. It hurts so badly. They are the only ones aware of what is happening to me. But they say it's their son and they have to back him up no matter what. He tells them I'm a drunk and a liar about what he's done to me. And they believe him. It hurts so bad. I can hardly go to my kids extra curriculars. 

[Andyman73]

EP, I am so sorry your husband treats you like that. You deserve so much better than that.  And his mom sounds so ignorant.
For years my wife couldn't wait to call her mom every time I did anything at all.  And then turn right around to tell. Then turn right around and tell me what ugly things they said about me.
But they almost always were decent to my face.

Have you considered contacting a domestic violence shelter? Because that is exactly what he's doing to you. I know, I've been living with dv abuse from wife for over 18 years.