OOTS is brilliant

[Blueberry]

I'm not sure where to post this. I even thought about the Welcome board.

Anyway just a few minutes ago as I was writing in my Journal and discovered how much progress I'm making, and then making even more by replying to san's reply to my previous post, and then reviewing in my head how many changes I've been making IRL since discovering OOTS, I felt this wave of gratitude towards you all and towards OOTS as a website. I want to let you all know that! This beast is hard enough to live with, it's good for me to hear when somebody appreciates my post (which people do signal on here, thank you) and so I imagine it might be good for some of you to hear how much I appreciate OOTS as a whole now.  for all of us who can handle it atm and individual    for those who can't.

Also it's good for me to have somewhere to write about gratitude when I feel it, and it's good to be able to express it without somebody coming along and saying "that's not important" / "you must have misunderstood".  to those sorts of people.

[woodsgnome]

Well said, Blueberry  -- what you point out echoes many who have turned here for relief, learning, inspiration, and courage to keep the candle lit as we journey out of our pain and grief towards a new light.

Your post expresses what's front and center here--honest sharing--good, bad, neutral--of heartfelt ways to touch and be touched which, in my limited experience, seems pretty rare these days. And for many of us was never allowed, first by others and then by ourselves.

We've paid a steep price to feel anything at all, let alone meaningful feelings of love and hope. I know my emotions were all buried when I discovered OOTS. I still have deep residues of hurt that hamper my 'recovery' efforts, but no where else do I find similar glimmers of hope for changing this as much as I discover them here. That includes the honest anxiety and frustration of where we've been and what if any hope we can attain for finding our way again.

"We don't achieve serenity... we unveil it." Found that today on a blog--it sums up something else I've learned here--that a big part of what we're looking for we already possess and can find, inside. Lots of people never achieve that--it's hard, but many here are at finding new light that way.

Thanks, Blueberry, for reminding us of that. 

[Three Roses]

  

[Kizzie]

  to you BB!

[AphoticAtramentous]

I hope you don't mind if I add a little to this thread of yours, Blueberry. Was just randomly thinking of this forum and all the other forums I've been to and I too am very grateful that OOTS exists, and grateful for everyone's support here.
Last time I tried getting help from an online forum, was another PTSD related board and immediately I had one guy reply to my first post telling me I had to prove to him I had PTSD. I told him I'd been through trauma (obviously) yet he wanted me to elaborate and wouldn't back down about it. "What kind? What happened?" He said all sorts of things like; "If you don't know anyone with PTSD/CPTSD and don't have it diagnosed yourself then go away". Moderators/admins didn't do anything about it, apparently it was 'acceptable' behaviour (but really I think they kept him around because he was a donator to the site). I also had other people replying to my introduction post with all sorts of "I doubt that" and "You're naive".

It didn't take long for me to leave the place because it was obvious I was unwanted. It took a great deal of strength to post something here in OOTS, of course I was so anxious and scared of who I might meet here - I really didn't want a repeat of last time. But I ended up finding so much compassion and care here. It's stereotypical that the average PTSD sufferer is just an angry old hoot that hates anyone and everyone but you guys really seem to break that mold. So thanks for being so supportive, guys. Keep it up! ^-^

I hope I will stay here for a while, it really warms my heart to see how much kindness ya'll give each other. This forum feels like a heavenly get-a-away from the hardships IRL.

[Blueberry]

Aphotic, you're most welcome to write on here! I had a faintly similar experience to you with my first trauma forum. I didn't even join, I was just reading around, and read from some young guy of about 18 berating somebody older for not having got her act together and moved out of her parental home to escape trauma. Thanks, but no thanks, I thought, and kept looking till I found OOTF (sister website) which I found a bit triggering and then found OOTS. When I first posted on here, I remember I was a bit hesistant. I didn't somehow quite believe that the caring, non-judgemental posts I read would apply to me. I even commented on that, and was assured they would apply to me. And they do!

Considering what you went through in your first forum,  to you for joining here. I hope you stay around here for a while too! You give lots of kindness and caring on here and fit right in.

[Three Roses]

Wow, what horrible experiences! I'm so happy you guys didn't give up tho, you pressed on and found us. That's persistence! Good job, yous.

[Kizzie]

   What TR said     

I think we must have all gone to the same trauma forum initially.  The one I started on was awful and to my mind, traumatizing. It's a bit ironic, not to mention sad that someone who has worked up the courage finally to connect with others runs into that kind of atmosphere the first time out.   

[AphoticAtramentous]

Thanks, guys.
But that's interesting that we all had a kind of similar experience. It's a good thing we were so persistent though in finding a decent forum to join! Haha

A hug for each ->     

[Sceal]

Thank you guys! For being here. Ive felt a warm welcome to this forum, and I am so happy to gave found this place. You are all so kind, clever, caring and compassionate!
I dont know you guys yet, but I just want you to know I think you are so brave and strong people! Just wish you all just the very best! 

[Rainagain]

Aphotic,
Your experience of being challenged about PTSD reminded me of someone who did something similar to me a few years ago.
This guy was talking to me about one of his friends from their days in the marines who i knew and how the friend had PTSD, after a while I said that I thought I might have it myself.
I was immediately challenged about it, perhaps because I am not ex military so i explained very briefly a single trauma. He blinked and said 'that'll do it' and shut up.
I recently found out the guy I had been talking to was never even in the military, he has built up some sort of war hero persona for reasons I can't fathom and presumably called me out about my claiming possible PTSD to protect his imaginary military record....or perhaps he thought I was as big a fantasist as he is and felt threatened.
The thing of it is, I would much rather be me with all my problems than be someone who has a totally fabricated life history. I can't imagine what living that lie must be like or how much effort it must take to pretend to be someone you are not.