Atramentous to Vibrant

[Chart]

Aphotic, I have a friend like that... Remember the Bruce Springsteen song "Glory Days"? Kinda like that

If I might suggest something, telling people you have Cptsd/Did is simply giving information. I don't think you are making "excuses". And as well, I believe excuses can also be perfectly valid.

I've found that when I open up and tell people I have Cptsd, the reaction I get is to my honesty and rarely "shock" about something like I'm diseased or defective. When I explain my condition, people are almost always very interested. I put this down to "real experiences". I think most people are indeed quite bored with talking about the weather. But that's just my experience. Not suggesting or pressing an agenda. Just food for thought.

Foo for Christmas, ooh boy. You are one brave soul!!!

What's the chance you could send everyone a list of "rules" before they come? Would they even respect those rules?

Very happy to hear your positives!
 

[Papa Coco]

Hi Aphotic,

I'm excited to see that one of your alters opened up for your therapist. That's when true healing gets traction.

I resonate with Chart. Whooboy. I stopped inviting my FOO over. I finally decided it was time to celebrate with people who want to have a nice time, and not those who want to work out their own grievances at my expense.

My wife and I have stopped apologizing to our guests when our house isn't in perfect condition. In fact, our house is NEVER in perfect condition anymore. Carpets need replacing and we don't care. It's OUR house. Not theirs. Now, we just say, "This is how we live" and so far, everyone we've said that to is okay with it.  My mother had a perfect house. It was not fun living in a perfect house. I was not perfect. So I really didn't fit into it. 

I am pulling for you. I hope Christmas with the FOO doesn't get under your skin. Even if they say criticizing things, you can smile and shrug and say, "welcome to my world. This is how I live."

My evil sister used to criticize everything I did. But she was the biggest slob out of all 5 of us siblings. It seems to be the way humans push their own guilt onto others.

On our deathbeds, few of us are going to regret a lifetime of not doing enough housework.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Thank you Chart,
You've reminded me that I'm still not quite sure what 'excuses' actually are. I'd been gaslight as a child to believe that any sort of excuse is considered to be 'backchat' or 'defiance'. I wasn't allowed to excuse myself as a kid for anything, and I began to feel guilty over any kind of fault - even if it wasn't my own. Even on days where I was physically ill, I was made to feel guilty when I was unable to clean or study. Because according to my F, being ill "is an excuse", and I should do what I am told regardless. I wonder if my T can help me re-learn the definition of what an 'excuse' actually is.

Thanks Papa Coco,
Your confidence is inspiring. You are totally right, it is YOUR house. And hey, when I go over to other people's houses, I don't mind the condition of their house either. I can't tell you how many times I've entered someone's house where things have been hoarded or the furniture is in pieces. But... I just don't care. It's not my house, not my place, so why should I care? If my FOO has anything to say about my house, it is completely meaningless to me. I just hope I can keep reminding myself that when they do eventually arrive.

---

I've recently decided to avoid social media and also most news/current affairs, and wow, it's made a big difference for my mental health (or its the antidepressants, or both lol). It's given me more time to focus on myself and those close to me, and it's been a lot easier to wind down these days. Although, I am a moderator of some online communities so I can't just... run off into the sunset. But I did make the decision to only reply to someone if it's related to a moderator duty. Otherwise, any general discussions, small talk, debates, I just ignore. It was really hard to follow this new decision at first, because I have so much to say. lol But then I realised how peaceful it is to just... be a passive observer, and wow... when I'm no longer actively fighting against it, the drama, hate, and ignorance seems to just roll off my shoulder.

I highly recommend this lifestyle change to others. Now instead of pointless discussions that go nowhere (because you know how stubborn internet users are), I am filling out crosswords, practicing my English and math skills, and playing bingo on my phone before I go to bed - it is incredibly relaxing.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[rainydiary]

Aphotic, I appreciate you sharing about the boundaries you've set with social media. 

[SenseOrgan]

Awesome! It's nice to see how much your decision has brought you right away.
We're all still in this social experiment, having to decide how to interact online, on what platform, when, for how long, etc. It can be a really toxic environment, amping up reactivity. For socially isolated people it can be a great opportunity too. It's complicated. Digital hygiene has become vital for mental health, I think. A friend once told me he checks his whats-app messages once a day, at a time he decided upon beforehand. That's a very good balance, I think. Enjoy your regained freedom 

[Hope67]

Hi Aphotic,
I also avoid social media and current affairs etc from time to time, and I agree that it makes such a difference to do that.  I love that you're enjoying filling out crosswords, practicing your skills and playing bingo - and that you're finding it incredibly relaxing - that is great.   
Hope