I have trouble regulating anger

[Dee]

I had a bad experience at a restaurant tonight, we all do.  I can't let it go, I never can.  It's small, I blow it out of proportion and even go so far as to feel I can never go back.  Tonight, I wasn't wrong, but I can't take it in stride.  I went back to the hotel and emailed corporate headquarters.  I just can't let things go, ever.  When I get upset at my kids it takes everything I've got to not go on and on and on.  I often have to leave the house.

Uggg, I think this is CPTSD related.

[AphoticAtramentous]

I had a bad experience at a restaurant tonight, we all do.  I can't let it go, I never can.  It's small, I blow it out of proportion and even go so far as to feel I can never go back.  Tonight, I wasn't wrong, but I can't take it in stride.  I went back to the hotel and emailed corporate headquarters.  I just can't let things go, ever.  When I get upset at my kids it takes everything I've got to not go on and on and on.  I often have to leave the house.

Uggg, I think this is CPTSD related.

I really know how that feels. So many times I just get so... freaking angry, over things so small.
It's good that you're aware of this though, good that you're at least trying to be calm when you get upset.

Usually if I find myself in what feels like an extreme rage I can't get out of, either a hot tea or a warm bath seems to help. But I haven't figured out how to just... avoid getting angry in the first place. At least people say I'm amusing when I'm mad. lol Probably from all the creative insults that fly out of my mouth.

[Three Roses]

I really relate to this reaction, Dee! So many times I've over-reacted to things, not being able to let them go for far too long. In reading Pete Walker, I saw myself in the 4F "fight" response, which he says is narcissistic but feels waaaaay more like a defensive reaction to me. And it's not like I'm not thinking of others as I react this way, as sometimes it's been a reaction that's protective of others as well as myself.

I used to think that I just had a bad temper, but it feels more like this is happening due to being triggered into an emotional flashback.

Big hugs to you, you're not alone!

[Blueberry]

Dee, I sooo get that, especially not being able to let it go. I have got a lot better actually. It used to be far worse. Hey, at least you're trying hard to spare your kids!  Maybe you even almost always manage. That is great.

I also know about not wanting to go back. Me, because I feel deeply ashamed. Not even because of wrong-doing - I might not have been in the wrong at all, but... Yeah, it's an EF. I wasn't allowed to defend myself as a child, so when I do now - off I go into an EF, especially if somebody verbally attacks me because I've got angry about somebody or something. It's often a third person who leaps into the fray, protecting the other person. That triggers me too. They are usually both adults, so I don't see that there is any reason to protect the other person.

I was told as a child that I had a bad temper, but I was told many things that weren't true, or that were possibly true of everybody else in the family too.

I think if it's an incident that seems small and we have the impression that we blow it out of proportion then it's probably an EF.

to you, Dee

[Dee]

I've never done a good job at defending myself around people whom I know.  I just take it, take it, take it, and maybe self-harm.  I still do and I am working on that.  I can't seem to set boundaries well enough around people who are close to me.  I even had trouble defending myself against a difficult subordinate before.

Maybe that is why when I feel in a position that I can, I do, and don't stop.  I get so upset, usually about something small.  I think it makes sense it is an EF for all the times I have been so angry and powerless.  Anger that I can't seem to control. 

Also, I don't just do it for me, I have done it to protect other people as well like Three Roses said.

EF sounds right.