question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #15 on: September 11, 2017, 11:48:13 PM »
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I've often questioned my belonging, on another website, because my topics seemed invisible.  How does one fit in, when nobody seems to care enough to notice. And if they see and don't post even an emoji to say they saw me, that just tells me I'm beyond their understanding.  And as you all have seen here, I certainly don't talk above peoples heads.
I know how you feel there, definitely. So many places I've tried to fit in but I just feel so different and alien it seems impossible to relate to anyone and for anyone to relate to me.
But don't feel you are 'dumb', please! You are most certainly not.  If there was a 'training class' you missed out on, doesn't mean you can't ever take it. ^-^ Classes usually repeat annually don't they?  ;) And if there's ever something you don't understand you can ask! I'm sure we'd be happy to answer whatever question you throw at us, to the best of our ability. :)

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Question....does anyone have an active relationship with someone and some of their others?  Should that question be its own thread?  I only ask this, because I do.
I personally think that should be its own thread, an interesting topic though. :) I'm all for it.

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Sweetsixty

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2017, 11:05:45 AM »
Just some  quick observations:

1. We have all at some point felt that we were different / stupid/ not as smart / invisible - that is what CPTSD does to us. I should have known better as I have a PhD but often still feel stupid!
2. Yes I have active relationships with other parts of myself, they sustain me every day.
3. I have often deleted things I've posted on sites when I felt I was invisible and/or unheard.
4. You are never alone - we are all part of common humanity.

 :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2017, 04:46:05 PM »
In all of my social media experience, I never had a thread generate this kind of interest in such a short amount of time. Most of the time I have to keep feeding my own thread to keep it on life support. And even then most of them die off anyway. 

The only real social media experience I have is here and OOTF, the sister website. I definitely get more response here. In fact at OOTF posts will often continue on the thread as if I haven't written anything. I'm not that surprised I get a better response here. OOTS was created after OOTF for a reason.

Here at OOTS in the back of my mind I know there are threads I've wanted to post on again - and maybe I still will when I get round to it  ;)  - but time plays a role. Or sometimes I feel too confused somehow to verbalise at all.

This is far beyond my typical response.
As I write from time to time in deep-felt gratitude, OOTS is absolutely brilliant. Thanks to everybody on here and especially to the moderators who keep it safe, e.g. from derogatory remarks and from us berating each other or doing one-upmanship or that kind of thing. That may be what you're noticing here  :bigwink:

.... self-destructive persona coming out. He is very vocal sometimes even has control over my voice, and SH behaviors.  He is also the one that thinks we are too far gone to save, and thinks that nobody cares. And that they won't miss us when we're gone anyway.

If you don't mind me saying so, sounds like an EF to me. I have something like this too, at least a voice who suggests I throw in the towel, but the voice has been getting less active, less 'around'. I don't think it's an Inner Child. Not sure what it is exactly. I know it's horrible when the voice comes up again, and I imagine worse if you feel a persona attached to the voice. It has been getting better, but as a general result of therapy rather than any specific exercise.

I must confess that more than half the things you all have said, is just beyond my scope to understand what ya'll said.
I just feel so dumb, like there was a training class before this, and everyone went but me.

I *know* my mind works differently. Critical thinking doesn't exist for me. There isn't a time that I feel smart or knowledgeable.

We're all at different stages of our therapy and self-learning - whereever we are and however we're engaged in healing. As I've posted recently, I've had the good luck to take part in multiple Inner Child workshops, which really increased my understanding and especially my own grasp of what was going on within me. Nothing to do with being dumb or intelligent! My FOO told me I was dumb for a couple of decades and after that just intimated it.  Could be something like that happened to you. It doesn't sound to me e.g. based on what and how you write that you are 'dumb'. 

Also in my experience a lot of understanding / grasping these kinds of topics is based not just on analytical understanding. I often have to really feel things how they are or were in my own life before I really understand. That certainly hasn't to do with intellectual intelligence. Could be connected to emotional intelligence (but that's certainly not what FOO meant when they were telling me how unintelligent I was, they were thinking of intellectual only), but I think it's connected more to where I am in my healing journey. How much can I really feel? Admit to myself? Remember? Allow to re-surface? What I don't grasp / understand: it's too early for me to understand. In fact sometimes it's not till months or even years later that I finally understand something a therapist or even fellow patient said to me.

Hmmm....wonder if these times of overwhelming emotions are different parts of me that are less defined than the ones mentioned previously?
They could be an EF. Wonder what others think?

Question....does anyone have an active relationship with someone and some of their others?    I only ask this, because I do.

Some of my Inner Children (and Teens) are more active than others. Usually the ones I've worked with more OR the ones I've ignored are more active. The latter are more disturbingly active. The former are more usefully active, like more able to communicate what's wrong, what they need from me to be able to calm down again. I definitely have more of an active relationship with the ones I've worked with. I've worked with most in therapy, rather than on my own. Or at least got a good start at working with them in therapy, before managing on my own. I feel very lucky, as I've said, that there are a few therapists in my country who developed their own Inner Child methods when I was at that stage in my process.

Thank you for starting this thread. If you have any specific questions, where you feel what I've written is beyond your scope, feel free to ask. I'll try and get back to you on it.

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Three Roses

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #18 on: September 12, 2017, 05:30:18 PM »
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I have something like this too, at least a voice who suggests I throw in the towel, but the voice has been getting less active, less 'around'. I don't think it's an Inner Child. Not sure what it is exactly.

This sounds like an inner critic voice, which is a construct and not a "little" or alt.
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A flashback-inducing critic is typically spawned in a danger-laden childhood home. When parents do not provide safe enough bonding and attachment, the child flounders in abandonment fear and depression. Many children appear to be hard-wired to adapt to this endangering abandonment with perfectionism.
(http://www.pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm)

At times when my inner critic won't be silent, i help myself not take that voice so seriously by making her wear a groucho marx nose & mustache in my imagination. it's harder to take her vitriol to heart. ;)

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Andyman73

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2017, 01:57:47 AM »
 :grouphug:
You all are just amazing. 
Can one of ya'll clue me in on what EF stands for? I know there is a list somewhere, but my tech Kung Fu is weak.

As for my posting experiences, it may well be that this place OOTS is focused on cptsd...and all things that have to do with it. And that's what really makes it work for me. I belong to a Veterans only site, that deals with issues with the VA disability claims process. But that covers the entire range of disability claims, and not just ptsd or cptsd. I also belong to a survivor site, which unlike the Veterans site, I have a reasonably strong presence there. But it covers the entire arena of sex crime survivors, of which I have extensive trauma from. So I tend to get lost very easily there. My only saving grace is my natural gift of loving and accepting everyone unconditionally.  While the Vet site can get a little testy, there is little tolerance for disrespect. And on the survivor site, there is zero tolerance. As should be, so many of us survivors have been retraumatized by victim blaming/shaming( like my wife has done to me). So the mods there are tenacious in their duties to protect us. And I so very much appreciate them!!!

However, OOTS is like the pearl in the oyster for me. I really love my oyster, the survivor site. And this here pearl is the icing on the cake!

I'm sorry...Blueberry, I really did try to Keep up with you. I sorry..I struggled to pay attention after the half way mark. Was getting confused and lost. I didn't want to....just happened. 😔

Guess I feel dumb because I used to feel smarter. Had a good IQ, and was able to think about things. But when memory started going bad, thinking skills went with it. I work in a warehouse moving inventory around on a forklift and shipping stuff all over the world. But it's easy. And very low stress. And I love it! But I can't handle stressful jobs, like being in charge of people and stuff like that. I can't even do some of the jobs I've actually held, anymore.😔

Okay, seems my question should be it's own thread, and I didn't ask it correctly based on ya'lls answers. 😋 I was trying to ask about Having interaction with someone else's others, not just my own.
I will pose this as it's own thread and give my example so ya'll can see what I mean. Okay?  :grouphug:

You guys are the best!!!
🤗🤗🤗💐💐💐😁😁😁

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Three Roses

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2017, 03:42:27 AM »
EF stands for emotional flashback. There's more in the glossary - http://www.outofthestorm.website/cptsd-glossary/
 :heythere:

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Sweetsixty

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2017, 02:34:09 PM »
Agree with others, definitely sounds more inner critic or EF than inner child. CPTSD can make you feel a lot less smart as it's the reptilian part of the brain affected and not the intellectual part. It can also cause you to get problems with processing and brain fog caused by the stress of It all.

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Blueberry

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2017, 03:56:05 PM »
This sounds like an inner critic voice, which is a construct and not a "little" or alt.
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A flashback-inducing critic is typically spawned in a danger-laden childhood home. When parents do not provide safe enough bonding and attachment, the child flounders in abandonment fear and depression. Many children appear to be hard-wired to adapt to this endangering abandonment with perfectionism.
(http://www.pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm)

Thanks 3Roses, had a look at the link. That sounds about right. Last time I read that info I couldn't take any of it in. Today, I can.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2017, 09:02:15 PM by Blueberry »

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Andyman73

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2017, 06:09:59 PM »
Thank you 🌹🌹🌹

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CepheidVox

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #24 on: September 17, 2017, 04:32:22 PM »
I also experience these things. It's like each collection of similar memories is a separate person inside my brain. I can't remember my life because the memories are locked away in those other selves. I definitely have EF where those people take over and I go away but I also hear their thoughts in my mind almost all the time. It's very noisy in my head sometimes.

Can't really contribute but I wanted to say I'm feeling it too.

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Liminality

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #25 on: September 17, 2017, 06:14:07 PM »
I also experience these things. It's like each collection of similar memories is a separate person inside my brain. I can't remember my life because the memories are locked away in those other selves. I definitely have EF where those people take over and I go away but I also hear their thoughts in my mind almost all the time. It's very noisy in my head sometimes.
Could have written the exact same thing, with the exception that most of my amnesia is centred in childhood.

Most of the time, my "others" (don't know how to call them, "alter" doesn't seem right, "head mates" either) don't speak though. Possibly a consequence of being told to "shut up", "keep quiet about this", "never say a word"? If they communicate it's through bursts of emotions, abstract shapes and colours, sometimes wordless screams. One of them spends months "sleeping", only waking up to scream as if someone was trying to kill her, then goes back to sleep again. Another one is constantly terrified and freezes when confronted to a trigger. She's probably responsible for my panic attacks. Then there's the cat, a playful, curious and happy little thing, and the soothing guardian tree, and the super observant ghost who's protected by being invisible but as a result cannot interact with the outside world. And many others.

It's as if every positive representation of myself is non-human. I guess it talks of how I feel unable to trust people, and see most of humanity in the very worst light.

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Andyman73

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #26 on: September 21, 2017, 03:44:35 PM »
I also experience these things. It's like each collection of similar memories is a separate person inside my brain. I can't remember my life because the memories are locked away in those other selves. I definitely have EF where those people take over and I go away but I also hear their thoughts in my mind almost all the time. It's very noisy in my head sometimes.

Can't really contribute but I wanted to say I'm feeling it too.
You just did contribute! Thank you CV! Safe  :hug: if okay.

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Andyman73

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #27 on: September 21, 2017, 03:48:48 PM »
Lim,

Thank you for sharing that. I've heard of animal inners(?) but you are the first I've had contact with. I have a lot of dissociative amnesia in both childhood and adulthood.

Andrew

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Blueberry

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #28 on: September 21, 2017, 09:27:27 PM »
Most of the time, my "others" ... don't speak though.

I have a therapy bear who represented a small, unhappy Inner Child. For a long time Bear couldn't communicate at all with language. Bear understood quite a lot but couldn't express. Then Bear started to nod or shake his head. Then eventually to speak. Bear is bilingual now, using both my native language and the language of the country I now live in. So, just saying, these things can and do change.


If they communicate it's through bursts of emotions, abstract shapes and colours, sometimes wordless screams.

I've had some of this too. Usually when I couldn't cope at all in my Adult and often when a non-trauma-informed therapist was trying to push me too far.


Then there's the cat, a playful, curious and happy little thing, and the soothing guardian tree, and the super observant ghost who's protected by being invisible but as a result cannot interact with the outside world.

Sounds like Inner Helpers, in fact you can have a whole Inner Team on board.  :cheer: for you for coming up with these 'others'.  I say  :cheer: because I had help and encouragement coming up with mine e.g. through Ego State therapy and all the Inner Child workshops I did. It seems yours have come up on their own, without outside help except from you?
« Last Edit: September 21, 2017, 09:34:14 PM by Blueberry »

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Blueberry

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Re: question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them
« Reply #29 on: September 21, 2017, 09:29:08 PM »
I also experience these things. It's like each collection of similar memories is a separate person inside my brain. I can't remember my life because the memories are locked away in those other selves. I definitely have EF where those people take over and I go away but I also hear their thoughts in my mind almost all the time. It's very noisy in my head sometimes.

Can't really contribute but I wanted to say I'm feeling it too.
You just did contribute!

 :yeahthat: Thanks from me too!