Men and therapy

[Candid]

If I were to express anything, I would just scream and scream.

That's my issue now, Blueberry.  I'm so full of grief and rage that it's literally kept me sleepless for weeks. Seeing my own haggard face is a punishment, and I hate it when people take photos of me.  Yesterday, walking through town, I had to seek a blind alley I could go into and scream with rage without anyone on the busy high street noticing.  Can't say I felt any better for it, just that it was something I suddenly felt moved to do.

This leaves me feeling terrified of the trauma therapy I'm still waiting for.  Who's going to contain the fall-out between sessions?  I'm snappy enough with H as it is; I'm dangerously sleep-deprived now. 

Thank you (and Andy) for saying you would listen to me.  Yes, I believe you have 'got' the guts of my story.

The grief is for all the people I've loved and lost, in which I include myself.  The rage is for Mother, who offered a fauxpology in our final phone conversation 18 years ago but has done absolutely nothing about all the smear campaigns she set in motion, thus depriving me of all relatives on her side of the family.  It was a paternal cousin who told me she was in a nursing home, but I have no further information. 

Secondary rage is for the sister who cyberstalks me.  She hasn't had a good word to say about me for 35 years, but she made it clear a couple of months ago -- and indirectly -- that she had found me here on OOTS.  In the absence of a T this is my only outlet, and it has been compromised.

Seems to me that a long time taking history is a good thing.  First we get the facts out there, gaining trust that the T gets it, then we start to tackle the feelings.  That's when things get rough.

Our stories are all widely different, but the feelings are the same.  That's why we understand each other so readily.

Andy, Blueberry and San. 

[AphoticAtramentous]

Secondary rage is for the sister who cyberstalks me.  She hasn't had a good word to say about me for 35 years, but she made it clear a couple of months ago -- and indirectly -- that she had found me here on OOTS.  In the absence of a T this is my only outlet, and it has been compromised.

Oh goodness, one of my worst nightmares. :\
I hope you can get some proper rest soon, Candid. ^^"

[Andyman73]

Secondary rage is for the sister who cyberstalks me.  She hasn't had a good word to say about me for 35 years, but she made it clear a couple of months ago -- and indirectly -- that she had found me here on OOTS.  In the absence of a T this is my only outlet, and it has been compromised.

Oh goodness, one of my worst nightmares. :\
I hope you can get some proper rest soon, Candid. ^^"

Wow what a load of crap! Doesn't she have a life of her own? I am so sorry!!!

[Candid]

Doesn't she have a life of her own?

Apparently not.  Sorry for the threadjack, Andy.

[Andyman73]

Doesn't she have a life of her own?

Apparently not.  Sorry for the threadjack, Andy.

No problem, really. 💐