Snippets of my Agony

[SenseOrgan]

 

[sanmagic7]

how awful for you.  love and hugs

[dollyvee]

Hey AA,

I'm so sorry that your m treated you like that. Those were actual needs to be taken care of as a child and she neglected to do that and blamed you instead. It's understandable that you have an aversion to those things, especially when the culture shames you for having them. I also had lice as a kid, a couple times, and it's quite common. I think it sounds like little AA did everything in her power to try and take care of herself, but it wasn't up to her to do that.

I'm also sorry that you're having to deal with your parents coming over for Christmas and their judgement of you. I also realize that sometimes setting boundaries with family carries a lot of consequences, but also that sometimes it's worth it for your own health to do it. Just my two cents, so please disregard it needed.

Sending you support,
dolly

[Chart]

Aphotic, I'm going to try something, not sure if it will help or not: Lice are normal. I've had three kids. All three had lice all on random and rotating cycles. One would get them, we'd treat them, then another would start scratching their head. I can't even fathom how many thousands of gallons of water I used washing pillow cases and bed sheets to try and eradicate the lice from the kids beds. We'd have a spell for a couple months of calm, then someone would bring some home from school, all unknowingly of course, and the cycle would repeat. I started a system of "gorilla combing". We'd get together like monkeys and comb and search for lice on someone else's head. We'd take turns checking each other. I'd make the kids laugh acting like a chimpanzee...

If you want, you can steal this memory. Remember this, if you can or want, instead of that person who can't really be called a "mother". Lice are normal, all kids get them. There was nothing ever wrong with you... aside from the bad luck of having "lousy" parents.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Thank you Armee, SenseOrgan, san, dollyvee, and Chart. Your sympathies mean a lot to me.
Dollyvee, your comment is very validating - I am glad you understand. Chart, thank you as well for the validation. That does sound very amusing, all working together to solve the problem - that is really nice.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Sunshineandwarmth]

Dear Aphotic,

This sounds so painful. And so relatable. My FOO has similar behaviours. So much so, that sometimes I fail to recognize the difference between normal human behaviour and abuse.
I am glad you are able to recognize this abusive behaviour.
I find almost everything in your post relatable.
If I cried, I was told I would be beaten uo and given a reason to cry over.
When I needed to count on someone my FOO said, I am abandoning you, because that would make you strong. Because the world is cruel, and I had to be tough. So they disguised their abusive behaviour under the pretext of wanting to make me a brave human being.
I often wondered, what difference did it make between strangers and my family, if both were equally as disrespectful and cruel? I had asked my father this question once. He didn't reply.
The same thing happened in our house with the pets. A cat. My dad got furious one day and had told my brother to throw it out of the house. (He didn't obviously).
One time she got sick and he refused to take her to the vet. Said we were fussing too much over an animal.
He would deliberately put her in the trunk with all our luggage when we were going to our family home. The cat would make sounds for the next 3 hours straight. At this was in summers. He never cared.
I am so sorry, you are going through all of this.
I am sending you a virtual hug and immense amounts of love and support.
Your friend,
Sunshine

[AphoticAtramentous]

Thank you, Sunshineandwarmth.
I'm sorry you relate so deeply. My family also had issues with pets at various times so I completely understand the pain there. There's something especially haunting about seeing your pet being mistreated and knowing there's nothing you can do about it.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[dollyvee]

Dollyvee, your comment is very validating - I am glad you understand. Chart, thank you as well for the validation. That does sound very amusing, all working together to solve the problem - that is really nice.