Support Group

[moonlightnanana]

Hey, everyone  so I live abroad and I'm not really fluent enough in the language.  Also live in a rural area which makes it harder to find friends. But anyway.... my problem is that the nearest English speakers around me are extremely talkative people... which makes it very stressful for me to be social.

It's not healthy for me to be alone, I don't want to be alone for long periods of time. But literally all of these people are triggering for me, they;re not bad people... It's just that when I hang out with them, they all like to talk about their issues or perspectives, opinions, etc.... and when I bring up something they make a small comment and start talking about something else. 

Hanging out with them sometimes makes me feel emotionally numb or frustrated and angry. They never did anything mean to me, which is why it's confusing... for example the closest one who lives near me helped pay for this life coach program I was interested in, but whenever I've tried to open up to her she either starts talking about herself or says nothing....... jesus is it that hard to follow up with a relevant statement?

I feel so invisible when I try to have a conversation with them that sometimes I do think that maybe it is better to be alone.

I've been able to develop friendships with people who DO listen to me, and I know how different those relationships feel...so I know maybe on some level it's not just my problem... but I want to do something about this.

Not sure what I should do.

[Three Roses]

This sounds like you may be being triggered into an EF, or emotional flashback, by their talkativeness and/or cliqueishness.

EFs usually make the person feel small, helpless, "little" (very young), or lost. EFs cause us to react with one of the fight, flight, freeze or fawn reactions Pete Walker describes. Here's an article discussing EFs and the steps to combat them - https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/complex-ptsd

You're not alone here! We'll be here to listen and validate you, you're one of us.

[sanmagic7]

i've had a bunch of people like that in my life, and it's just so frustrating.   i would think this is someone to share with, then get lost in that person's story, experience, situation, whatever. 

i finally decided that, with those kinds of people, i can be sociable and keep the relationship at a lighter level.  they could be fun to do things with, but as far as personal stuff went, i saved that for other people or situations.

i don't know if this is helpful but wanted to let you know i hear ya.  i hope you are able to find some resolution to your liking.  big hug to you, moonlight

[moonlightnanana]

Thank you both for responding to my thread. Yes, that right there was an emotional flashback.  I'm still not that great at alleviating my EFs.  But I found the strategies listed by Pete Walker very helpful. The consistency practicing them is a struggle though.