Work stress and Triggers

[Contessa]

Hello all 

I have been working on a large project, and hace managed to keep myself mentally in check throughout.

It has been frought with problems, which I have been tackling as they come. There has been a lot of troubleshooting, too much, and now everything is piling up close to the deadline.

I have been keeping my anxiety in check by using my time and energy to resolve issues rather than stress over them. But it has tipped over.

I have made progress, but there is no way i'll make the deadline. I have been working day and night, multitasking (i'm proud of myself with this one), and working weekends. But I despite this the work keeps getting further behind.

I'm now getting sleep deprived, headaches, and intrusive thoughts. My mind is not in a fog, nor am I lethargic or shutting down. But i'm beginning to get distressed and I do feel triggered.

Right now i'm level enough to recognise it, it is work induced and not trauma induced. But I can feel it coming. And I know it's the continual reduction of control that is doing it

[Three Roses]

What do you suppose you can do to relieve the pressure?

But I can feel it coming. And I know it's the continual reduction of control that is doing it

... What can you feel coming?

[Contessa]

I can feel myself chipping away and grappling. I've been very proactive in keeping on top of things, and staying ahead, but i'm still falling behind.

Mainly, I can feel this despair causing these thoughts, and I can feel myself losing touch.

I have spoken to someone at work already, and today I just have to stop.

Starting right now

[Blueberry]

contessa, I don't have any kind of suggestion, but just want you to know that I hear you. 

[Lilfae]

My thoughts are with you. It seems like a tricky and difficult situation to be in. I hope work will allow you to make sure your health is also well taken care of.

[Contessa]

Thank you Lilfae and Blueberry.
All I can say is no.
I have relayed to my boss that although I have been mentally keeping on top of all of the problems that keep arising once the previous one is solved - which to be honest are not reasonable - that it's starting to trigger intrusive thoughts.

I am shutting down.

The project has now been taken back to the point it was at two months ago, where I was in control. So, the last two months work - all for nothing. Deadline - not changed.
Now I have over two months of work to do in a matter of weeks. I have been working my butt off for nothing. Now I have triple or so work to do in a fraction of the time.

All I can say is **** and **** ** ***** ******* ***
This will not be happening again. This is not healthy. I will leave this environment when it is done.

So I do not care what the results are.

[Lilfae]

I don't know what to say, other than I think it sounds like a smart choice. To leave that environment as soon as you can.
I'm sending some good thoughts and strength your way.

[Contessa]

That's all that can be said I guess.

I have already shut down though. Can't do it. Awesome.

Other option is push... again... headache, cry, vomit, do a terrible job.

Body already wants to do those things.

[JayDubs]

This sounds like a story I have been through many times.  Take care of yourself first and foremost.  Failure is one of my triggers, or better stated..Fear of Failing is.

Have been in the IT industry and I understand how projects can go.  Some go really well, and some run into unexpected issues.  Could be the same project managers and development teams.  These things happen, some people get upset and others know it is a part of the industry.  Regardless, the end result is the same.  We can't own everything.

First thing though is to not beat yourself up over this.  Seems so much easier to say that to someone as opposed to living it.  Maybe stepping back and imagining what you would say to someone in your situation may change some perspective.  I see myself in your post so that is why I am reaching out.

Have had plenty of all-nighters and long weekends.  Some even without sleep.  Part of the job to be honest.  Anyway, I learned to stay away from caffeine, eat pretzels and fruit, and drink lots of water.  It helps me in the middle of a crisis situation...which means long hours and little sleep. 

[Contessa]

Thank you JayDubs for the empathy.

*edit*
Have deleted a bit of a rant. It solves nothing so it's not really worth being mulled over.

Onward