Interacting with others

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Andyman73

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Interacting with others
« on: September 13, 2017, 03:12:15 AM »
Here is my question. Does anyone here interact knowingly with somebody else's others?

Let me explain. On another site, one of the members pm'd me. She thought it was astounding how I could just so freely accept everyone and love them all. So she wanted to take a closer peek at this crazy 😜 dude.  She was nearly scared out of her mind to reach out to me. I could tell she was very anxious. I just treated her as gently as I could. That was 6 months ago. We've progressed to a solid friendship now. Anyway, after a few weeks and she was starting to accept the whole idea of me. Out of the blue I was texting someone with a chip on her shoulder and a bratty attitude.

A young teen other came out to me and gave me the rough once over. She really put me through the grinder. Over time, as it became clear that my friend was really benefiting from our relationship, this teen other began to open up and confide in me.

Then, a little girl...5-6 years old started chatting. Totally surprised me! She is so completely adorable, reminding me of my kids when they were that age. Met a 4 year old boy. Know of a 2-3 yr old little girl...toddler really, she only waves at me.  Been warned of a "Lolita" who hasn't presented. Been warned of a man hater! Who thankfully hasn't presented.  Met her "manager" who knew all about me. Which was interesting. She was a take no prisoner no bs type. Would not tell me her name.

I gently asked my friend a few questions because she knew the teen had started talking to me. She told me she doesn't know how many there are. She is very very fragile around this.  And I know the manager is always there. Also manager told me that some of them will re-integrate back with my friend, the longer I stay in her life. That warned my heart to hear, her manager says I'm good for her.

That 4 year old boy? According to the teen, the boy had been there roughly 44 years!!! Ever since my friend was 4-6 years old.  Teen told me that the boy was there before her, and it's her job to protect the littles. Also her job to protect my friend, when her abusive husband is abusing her. She fronts. She fronted during a lot of her abuse goin back to her teen years.  Anyway, the little boy contacte me through the 6 year old girl.  And has been talking to me for about two weeks. The teen was blown away, my friend was shocked and a bit freaked out.  The boy never ever spoke before, to anyone besides the 6 year old girl.

The whole experience has been more amazing and wonderful than I could possibly ever dreamed up. And I have also learned things that have crushed my spirit to dust. They have told me things my friend doesn't know about. My friend has told me a time or two that it really is hard for her to accept I know things about her past she isn't aware of.  Said she trusts me like no other so will chose to be okay with me knowing things. And the teen girl has helped my Broken Andy and little andy to find their place.

I can't even begin to find the words to describe how this makes me feel. It's almost like I've been given a special gift, so valuable that the whole world 🌎 couldn't pay for it. And the most amazing thing is that all of her others came and present to me. I didn't. Seek them out. Friend says she feels a lot more peace inside, more than she can remember at anytime in her life.

All this wonderment just because I am me being me.

There's more if any are interested in discussing this. I'm surprised everyday with this.  I hope I didn't cross any lines or break any rules. I can't talk about this on the other site. Because I haven't been DX'd with DID I don't have access to the forum where I could talk about this. So I really hope I can here. And I hope some of you can help me. Okay?
Thank you for reading. 💐

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Three Roses

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2017, 03:30:41 AM »
This is fascinating to me! I've always felt drawn to this subject matter. I've had a few very strange experiences that make me wonder if I don't have an alter or 2. So glad she had someone like you to confide :yes: in.

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Andyman73

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2017, 09:59:56 AM »
The most curious thing is all of them presented themselves to me as they felt comfortable. I never asked once to speak to any who would. They just spoke up on their own. However there was that time talking to the manager, near the end of our conversation, she asked if I wanted to speak to my friend, again. I said yes, and just like that, friend was there, and in a fabulous mood. Talking like nothing just happened.

To think, it all started because she reached out to me in pm. And 2 of my alters have interacted with her and her alters as well. When I text her, it's always her that I contact. But not always her that responds. So..I'm always very careful and super gentle.

I wish I could go into more detail...it's beyond fascinating.  :)

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Blueberry

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2017, 04:03:48 PM »
OK now I understand your question from other thread  ;)
Therapists have sometimes spoken to my Inners directly but my psyche isn't so fractured that my day-to-day person doesn't pick up on it. So I don't have anything fascinating to write like you do above!

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Andyman73

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2017, 06:15:20 PM »
Blueberry got it! 😁😋

Am I once again on my own, all alone, in something I'm experiencing?  Sigh 😔.

Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2017, 10:49:43 AM »
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I can't even begin to find the words to describe how this makes me feel. It's almost like I've been given a special gift, so valuable that the whole world  couldn't pay for it. And the most amazing thing is that all of her others came and present to me. I didn't. Seek them out. Friend says she feels a lot more peace inside, more than she can remember at anytime in her life.
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The most curious thing is all of them presented themselves to me as they felt comfortable. I never asked once to speak to any who would. They just spoke up on their own. However there was that time talking to the manager, near the end of our conversation, she asked if I wanted to speak to my friend, again. I said yes, and just like that, friend was there, and in a fabulous mood. Talking like nothing just happened.
Sounds familiar to things my best friend has said about me.
I suppose some people find it amazing that I can fit so many different 'people'/'personalities' into my head. Some 'identities' spring up on their own depending on who I'm talking to, some require a little coaxing, some jump into action to protect me.
I've had a quite 'edgy-emo-teenager' like personality hovering around a bit lately which is making me rather judgemental of everyone. I think they've been around since having been invited to a few online chat groups - all of which I find nothing to relate to to the people that are there. It's been making me feel a bit down and depressed lately so I'll probably do what I always do and leave those chat groups so emo-me can $%^&*# off. lol

I have a few favourite identities that always help make me feel a little better. Having a difficult moment? Hop into another personality and it's like a switch is flicked, my emotions change, my memories shift, the way I do things and see things change as well. I was watching a horror film for funsies a few days ago even though I'm terrified of horror. Some distressing IRL stuff popped up, so personality change. And in that shape I was able to watch the same film without even flinching or tensing up at all. It does honestly feel like I'm a completely different person and it's... fun? lol
I think my best-mate has seen all the identities I have to offer and I suppose I'm like 5 friends in one for him. Each individual in my head has their own memories and stories to tell, it's fascinating to read past conversations between my other selves and him. It's me, yet, the conversations are so different to the ones we usually have. It's fascinating.
I try to not let my other identities show themselves when I'm around acquaintances. I don't want to scare people off, haha.

My alters talk to my best friend about me quite a bit. He tells them to treat me well, to help me shoo away my inner critic. And many times after the conversation is had, they've asked; "Would you like to talk to Aphotic now? I think she's ready to talk".
« Last Edit: September 14, 2017, 10:52:40 AM by AphoticAtramentous »

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Andyman73

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2017, 04:03:43 PM »
Aphotic,

Thank you so much for sharing. I was beginning to wonder if this was going be another one of those things I have to live with, that nobody else can relate to.

I've only had a few times where I can say I felt the shift inside my head. I know when I lose my temper...lose control really, I'm not running the show. Fortunately whoever is running that show isn't really mean just hurt and angry. And I know when the silent me is here...I don't really leave...just step aside, so to speak..I there but like behind a window looking out.

One shows up mostly in writing. He's the one that protects me from harm, or further harm if something is triggering me.

When talking with my friend, I haven't noticed or experienced any of her others while talking on the phone. But when texting .... oh yes! Sometimes she's upset by what they have told me. Because it was something she had no knowledge of. When the teen first started communcating, she would always delete her texts..well, the whole conversation. So my friend was left feeling like something was going on with no understanding of what.   Maybe some would present if we were face to face. They love visiting with me.

Only once do I recall that one of mine took over to write a post on the other site, without me being triggered. That one hasn't made themselves known to me yet. So..that was a bit of an experience.

Now, my friend, she's been hurt horribly while some of her alters were fronting.  I know... :'( they've told me. And about 6 weeks ago, her 6yr old little girl alter was hurt...I spent many many hours online with her...over 3-4 days soothing and caring for her. The teen guardian was chased off by the abuser...as in...badly hurt too, and couldn't stay to protect the littles. Was so so hard...caring for a traumatized 6yr old and 14 year old at the same time. And trying to bring them back together in the same area of her system. It was like being daddy and big brother and best friend all at the same time. But I did it and they were able to forgive and love eachother again. During that time my friend was not present.

You know what's truly amazing??? They can see and interact with my 3yr old toddler little andy. I don't know how to explain it...they play with him. He visits for hours..and later the teen alter tells me about some of the stuff the littles did while he was over visiting. And I can feel it inside..like how you would feel after spending a wonderful day with friends or out doing something fun...that feel good feeling inside. I can feel how happy he is, and how tired, too, a good fun played all day kinda tired.

I have interacted with one or two other survivors others/alters...but they spoke through the person I know, and not directly to me.

Thank you for sharing...I can't say how much this means to me...to actually talk to someone who has a clue about what I'm talking about. You've made my day!  I would be happy to discuss this more, if you like. I'm still getting used to the idea that I have others/alters/littles in me.  :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2017, 10:42:31 PM »
Blueberry got it! 😁😋

Am I once again on my own, all alone, in something I'm experiencing?  Sigh 😔.

Well, I have been in really bad places before with this issue. I mean during a complete melt-down where I ended up on a closed ward for what seemed a long time but was actually just a few days. My normal day-to-day Adult was definitely not in charge. I don't know who was. There were a good few months afterwards in which I was curious but also frightened to know who was in charge then, but now I've kind of let it go. I know that a friend phoned me twice and an old therapist once when I was on the closed ward, because they told me so afterwards, but I have no recollection and didn't immediately afterwards either. I'd never been in such a bad state before. And hope never to go there again.

 I've not just communicated with someone else's alters, but I have taken on the role briefly too, in a type of therapy for which I do not know the word in English, or even if it is used in the English-speaking world. It's rather strange because briefly you end up acting in ways which you wouldn't normally do. This is something I will do in a controlled setting with therapists around, but preferably not in my alone time, when I have enough to do keeping my own self going.

I've used my ability to feel my numerous Inner Children/Teens as a tool to recovery, but when that started going overboard a bit, I suppose, therapists decided to rein that in and use other tools that would keep me more in my Adult. Also I'd been worried about who all else would turn up, as in 'how many more??'. All in all, I'm glad that I don't feel mine much any more.

Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2017, 08:03:17 AM »
It's no problem, Andy.

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I don't really leave...just step aside, so to speak..I there but like behind a window looking out.
It does feel a bit like that at times, yes.

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When the teen first started communcating, she would always delete her texts..well, the whole conversation. So my friend was left feeling like something was going on with no understanding of what.
One of my alters likes to do the same kind of thing, removing the conversations/saving them elsewhere - the conversations of him and my friend talking about me, because he was afraid some of the things he said would upset me. I know this cause I found the conversations and read them. lol And it really does feel like I've missed out on something when I 'come back'. Like two hours have gone by and I don't know where they went or what I was doing.

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And trying to bring them back together in the same area of her system. It was like being daddy and big brother and best friend all at the same time. But I did it and they were able to forgive and love eachother again.
Glad to hear it.

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And I can feel it inside..like how you would feel after spending a wonderful day with friends or out doing something fun...that feel good feeling inside. I can feel how happy he is, and how tired, too, a good fun played all day kinda tired.
Mmhm. Does feel exactly like that.

I must apologise though, I can only relate to you so far in that I have my own alters but I don't have a close friend that has their own alters. So I got my mate to write me something lol. To put here and add to the thread a bit cause why not. It's all real fascinating stuff, to me at least it is.
Quoted below is a kind of 'letter' written from my mate to myself (with permission to share here). Bold, italics, and underlines are used to differentiate alters, makes it easier to understand I hope. Probably harder to read though lmao.
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I remember so clearly when I first encountered you through another persona... She had no name. Just She.
It took me several seconds to realise I was not talking to you anymore. I listened to her incredulously... She was a vile person. Overflowing with pure hatred towards you. She became my enemy immediately - she was everything you were not. And she delighted in torturing you and she wanted to hurt you so bad. And it was so hard - I wanted to destroy her but I was mindful she was hiding inside you and I could not risk hurting you. But I've found a way - I would draw her out, make her want to lash out at me instead. And then she will try to turn me against you and fail every time and that would defeat her, realising she has no power. She came out in your darkest moments but making her crawl back into her hiding place would snap you back to the light and that added strength to me whenever she appeared, though I dreaded those encounters because of what was causing them...
I was glad when she disappeared... Weeks passed, then months. I was more and more confident she was gone... That was a nice feeling.

Then we had a crisis... We were talking and... another persona appeared. I remember the instant hostility flaring up in my heart and I was ready to demolish her again. But I caught myself just in time, because there was something different. She was cold and detached and cynical a bit - but there was no malice towards you. And that melted me inside. That was the first time I met Aphotic. We argued and reasoned and she did not like me - because she thought I might hurt you. It took her a while to begin to trust me - that I meant no harm. But just seeing how she loved you disarmed any hostility I felt. I knew she was protecting you, caring for you, so we were on the same side.

And then I spoke to the other two - at different occasions. They still appear during challenging moments, and deep down - I regret I don't have a chance of speaking to them in happier times. But they are friends and allies and I cherish them as I cherish you. And I know how healing they are for you and I try to spill out all I can during our conversations, knowing they will use any insight I give them to help you and pull you out of the darkness.
Your faithful friends - so different from Her, that first one. The witch.
She's gone now - expelled. And good riddance. You don't need Her, She didn't deserve you. But you have your friends now and they will keep you safe! And that warms my heart.
And to avoid confusion, I took Aphotic's name as my anonymous online username, not because she is around. I've tried to persuade my alters to let people know when I'm not around, avoids confusion.
I wish I could remember the stuff my alter's have said through my mouth. Oh but don't feel bad for her. She's actually a $%^&*#. Haha\

On another note, I dream of my alters a bit. I had a dream of my most treasured one last night and I woke up feeling really damn good. lol Like, it was an insanely adorable dream. But I also dream AS my alters occasionally too, nightmares too. I wonder if you or your friend has experiences like that as well.

Alters are confusing...  :stars:
Sorry for rambling. I don't know many people who have experiences with this kind of stuff.

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Andyman73

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2017, 07:23:09 PM »
BlueBerry,

Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad you've been able to get to a place where you don't feel them as much anymore. I'm just beginning...so ... yeah...long way to go.

Aphotic,

Wow... :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

The teen told me that she deleted in the past to protect the host...so much stuff would destroy her.  And in turn destroy me...But now she leaves the text conversations out in the open for my friend to read when she's fronting again.  Except at the beginning of this week...she told me stuff that host isn't even aware of..like didn't happen kind of not aware of!!! Broke my heart reading that.

I wasn't fully aware of any of my alters when I first met hers. But her teen guardian helped little andy process his most horrifying memories.  And also Broken Andy with just being present.  So..I can't even begin to explain how that felt or went ...A hundred different emotions all at once.

Your mate's letter.... :grouphug: yes yes yes!!!

I'm out of time for the moment. I want to come back to this! I am beyond overjoyed that you are willing to talk about this...such a huge relief for me.

Andy

Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2017, 03:09:51 AM »
Aphotic,

Wow... :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

The teen told me that she deleted in the past to protect the host...so much stuff would destroy her.  And in turn destroy me...But now she leaves the text conversations out in the open for my friend to read when she's fronting again.  Except at the beginning of this week...she told me stuff that host isn't even aware of..like didn't happen kind of not aware of!!! Broke my heart reading that.

I wasn't fully aware of any of my alters when I first met hers. But her teen guardian helped little andy process his most horrifying memories.  And also Broken Andy with just being present.  So..I can't even begin to explain how that felt or went ...A hundred different emotions all at once.

Your mate's letter.... :grouphug: yes yes yes!!!

I'm out of time for the moment. I want to come back to this! I am beyond overjoyed that you are willing to talk about this...such a huge relief for me.

Andy
It's my pleasure to talk about this stuff. Makes me seem less crazy. lol

A semi-related curious question I must ask, have you ever gotten into MBTI? Personality type test thing. I ask because I took them quite a bit a few years ago and was wondering why I got different results every time I took the test. Didn't realize I had alters that might be affecting that. >.> It is interesting.
I need to at some point make some kind of document with details about all my alters so I can figure out who does what, who thinks what, etc. I feel quite overwhelmed recently with how my thoughts are fluctuating so much. I'm a royal mess. Haha.

I have a little theory, though it's based on my own experiences more than anything... that there are a few different types of alters.
#1. The alter(s) that come to protect you. They are wildly different to yourself and cause the most memory problems. They are their own identities, have their own relations, their own minds. They are welcomed in whenever you feel you need to 'disappear' for a while.
#2. The alter(s) that slip in unnoticed, they are more just like different versions of yourself, reacting and thinking differently to how you normally would but you can remember most things. These ones come involuntarily and I believe they are influenced by who you are with at the time/what you are doing.
#3. The alter(s) that are more like masks, and I think everyone has their own experiences with these. It is common to go to work and put on a mask to get your job done and get it done well. It's a controllable malleable kind of identity and you can take it off whenever.
That is all just my own theory though. Little observations about it all.

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Andyman73

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2017, 03:55:13 PM »
AA,

Hey, I'm glad I can help you feel a little less crazy.

What is MBTI? Is this something I can do online...self assessment kind of thing?

I have a little theory, though it's based on my own experiences more than anything... that there are a few different types of alters.
#1. The alter(s) that come to protect you. They are wildly different to yourself and cause the most memory problems. They are their own identities, have their own relations, their own minds. They are welcomed in whenever you feel you need to 'disappear' for a while.  I have one that steps up, to protect me. Not sure if he's wildly different. He's 11 years old. [
/color]
#2. The alter(s) that slip in unnoticed, they are more just like different versions of yourself, reacting and thinking differently to how you normally would but you can remember most things. These ones come involuntarily and I believe they are influenced by who you are with at the time/what you are doing. Hmmm, not sure if I have one like this. [/
color]
#3. The alter(s) that are more like masks, and I think everyone has their own experiences with these. It is common to go to work and put on a mask to get your job done and get it done well. It's a controllable malleable kind of identity and you can take it off whenever.  Honestly, I think this is me all the time.
That is all just my own theory though. Little observations about it all.

Thank you so much for sharing your observations. I really appreciate it. Safe  :hug: if okay

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Liminality

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #12 on: September 28, 2017, 01:34:22 PM »
Interesting topic that slipped by me (I vaguely remember reading the first post, have no idea why I didn't pitch in at the time). Not sure I can contribute much as I don't have any friends with alters/inners/littles/etc. and don't have friends close enough that my own switches are noticed. But I'm drawn to this topic as I do have insiders and can relate to some things.

I like your three "alter" categories, Aphotic. I'd like to add two more, if that's okay.

#4: The "broken" insiders that never front. They stay hidden deep inside the mindscape and never come to the surface, as they were created to hold a piece of memory away from the conscious mind. Often we become aware they exist because some insiders talk about them or make allusions to them, but they aren't ready to come to the surface.

#5: The "inner helpers" Blueberry told me about, those insiders that exist only to protect and soothe the younger and/or most hurt ones. They may front sometimes, but often don't and stay inside to take care of others instead.

Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #13 on: September 28, 2017, 01:43:52 PM »
What is MBTI? Is this something I can do online...self assessment kind of thing?
It's a personality test which you can take on numerous different sites but the main one everyone uses is this one.
I wouldn't take the results too seriously by the way, if you choose to take it. :) It's not all that scientific/accurate, but it is a good way of simplifying and labelling personalities. The test helped me figure out I had alters and different identities because one day I could get INFJ as a result, another day I could get ISTJ, and another day I could get ENTJ, etc.

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Honestly, I think this is me all the time.
Yeah, I find myself wearing masks a lot as well, especially when my FOO is around. It can get a little tiring...

I like your three "alter" categories, Aphotic. I'd like to add two more, if that's okay.

#4: The "broken" insiders that never front. They stay hidden deep inside the mindscape and never come to the surface, as they were created to hold a piece of memory away from the conscious mind. Often we become aware they exist because some insiders talk about them or make allusions to them, but they aren't ready to come to the surface.

#5: The "inner helpers" Blueberry told me about, those insiders that exist only to protect and soothe the younger and/or most hurt ones. They may front sometimes, but often don't and stay inside to take care of others instead.
Of course. :) Two very good additions, thanks Liminality.

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ah

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Re: Interacting with others
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2017, 08:05:29 PM »
Hi Andyman 73,

Yes, I had a good friend, we were close enough so some of the alters got to know me. Not all, I doubt my friend knew them all or that even the overworked responsible "caretaker" knew everyone, there seemed to be so many. Most didn't come out. The angry ones were less fun for me... I was traumatized myself so the angry ones were hard for me to handle. But the others were sweet, innocent, funny, giggly, sleepy, whimsical, inquisitive... I got presents for some of them, we took care of my friend together. I asked the caretaker for advice and it was like a group effort..?

Can be hard to have a conversation though once they get to know you because different personalities want to talk, and you can end up having group discussions. And in painful moments it's super hard... they can all be gone in a second. Then again that's exactly what I do too.

It taught me how easy it is to seem totally fine on the outside to someone who hasn't experienced trauma, but be in pieces inside. We both walked around and seemed to totally function and ate and talked but we were like a bomb crater inside. 

Sounds like you're a good friend. I'm glad she has you, it takes courage to really see others' vulnerability and stay put. Therapy is natural, it can happen anywhere that's safe and nurturing, doesn't have to be in a therapist's office with a cardboard box of tissues next to your elbow. Sounds to me like you're there for her. That must be an incredibly rare thing in her life.

Feel free to send me a message if I can help and/or just share experiences :)